Quaint Sayings

	There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore like an idiot.
	I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
	Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
	Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this.
	Don't worry about the world ending today ... It's already tomorrow in Australia
	Of course if you happen to be in Australia, don’t worry about the world ending today … It’s already happened.
	Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
	Character is what you are. Reputation is what people think you are.
	Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy.
	Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.
	I have several hobbies I enjoy to the fullest. I have a large sea shell collection I keep scattered on all the beaches all over the world. Maybe you've seen it?
	A loser is a window washer on the 44th floor who steps back to admire his work.
	A man usually feels better after a few winks, especially if she winks back.
	Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
	A baby first laughs at the age of four weeks. By that time his eyes focus well enough to see you clearly.
	A man who says marriage is a 50-50 proposition doesn't understand two things: 1 - Women, 2 - Fractions.
	The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
	If at first you don't succeed ... well, so much for sky diving.
	The only gracious way to accept an insult is to ignore it. If you can't ignore it, top it. If you can't top it, laugh at it. If you can't laugh at it, it's probably deserved.
	He who hesitates is sometimes saved.
	The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

About Marriage

	My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
	My wife and I were very happy for twenty years. Then we met.
	A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
	Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
	I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months; I don't like to interrupt her.
	Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished. A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" The father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying".
	A man placed an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine".
	A woman was telling her friend, "I made my husband a millionaire". "And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend. The woman replied "A billionaire".
	Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.
	Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
	Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
	If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
	It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer.
	How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your laundry done free.
	The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

MEN ARE LIKE …

	MEN ARE LIKE. . . Floor Tiles, if you lay them right the first time, you can walk all over them for years.
	MEN ARE LIKE. . . Bank Accounts, without a lot of money, they don't generate a lot of interest.
	MEN ARE LIKE. . . Blenders, you need one, but you're not quite sure why.
	MEN ARE LIKE. . . Chocolate Bars, sweet, smooth and they usually head right for your hips.
	MEN ARE LIKE. . . Coffee the best ones are rich, warm and can keep you up all night long.
	MEN ARE LIKE. . . Commercials, you can't believe a word they say.
	MEN ARE LIKE. . . Computers, hard to figure out and never have enough memory.
	MEN ARE LIKE. . . Coolers, load them with beer and you can take them anywhere.
	MEN ARE LIKE. . . Copiers, you need them for reproduction, but that's about it.
	MEN ARE LIKE. . . Government Bonds, they take so long to mature.
	MEN ARE LIKE. . . Parking Spots, the good ones are already taken and the ones that are left are handicapped or extremely small.
	MEN ARE LIKE. . . Popcorn, they satisfy you, but only for a little while.

MEN ARE LIKE. . . Newborn babies, they're cute at first, but you get tired of cleaning up their mess.

GREAT SAYINGS FROM HOMER J SIMPSON

1	"Now son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for Daddys, and kids with fake IDs."
2	"Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen."
3	"You couldn't fool your mother on the foolingest day of your life if you had an electrified fooling machine."
4	"Marge, don't discourage the boy ! Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals ! Except the weasel."
5	"If you really want something in life you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers."
6	"To alcohol ! The cause of - and solution to - all of life's problems
7	"I want to share something with you - the three sentences that will get you through life. Number one, 'cover for me.' Number two, 'oh, good idea, boss.' Number three, 'it was like that when I got here.' "
8	"Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose : it's how drunk you get."
9	"Lisa, if life’s rich history and pageant has taught us nothing else - and it hasn't - it's that girls should stick to girls' sports, such as hot-oil wrestling and foxy-boxing and such like."
10	"Lisa, if you don't like your job you don't strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way."
11	"Stealing ! How could you ? Haven't you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church ? Captain what’s-his-name ?
12	We live in a society of laws. Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies ? For fun ? Well I didn't hear anybody laughin', did you ?"
13	Maybe, just once, someone will call me 'Sir' without adding, 'you're making a scene.

Friends With Benefits

The Tech Commandments

Hidamari Sketch x365 OP

Happy 4th of July

You know you are in canada when...

...you see this.



Happy Canada Day

Why Paddys not at Work Today

1. Dear Boss, I write this note To tell you of my plight And at the time of writing I am not a pretty sight My body is all black and blue, My face a deathly gray And I hope you understand Why Paddy's not at work today. 2. While working on the fourteenth floor, Some bricks I had to clear And to throw them down from off The top seemed quite a good idea But the foreman wasn't very pleased, He was an awful sod He said I had to cart them down The ladder in me hod. 3. Well clearing all those bricks by hand, It seemed so very slow So I hoisted up a barrel And secured the rope below But in my haste to do the job, I was too blind to see That a barrel full of building bricks Is heavier than me. 4. So when I had untied the rope, The barrel fell like lead And clinging tightly to the rope I started up instead I took off like a rocket And to my dismay I found That half way up I met The bloody barrel coming down.

5. Well the barrel broke my shoulder As to the ground it sped And when I reached the top I banged the pulley with me head I held on tight, though numb with shock From this almighty blow And the barrel spilled out half its load Fourteen floors below. 6. Now when those building bricks fell From the barrel to the floor I then outweighed the barrel So I started down once more I held on tightly to the rope As I flew to the ground And I landed on those building bricks That were all scattered 'round. 7. Now as I lay there on the deck I thought I'd passed the worst But when the barrel reached the top, That's when the bottom burst A shower of bricks came down on me, And I didn't have a hope And as I was losing conciousness, I let go the bloody rope. 8. The barrel being heavier, It started down once more And landed right on top of me As I lay there on the floor It broke three ribs and my left arm, And I can only say That I hope you'll understand why Paddy's not at work today.

Funny Quotes

Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. - Robert Bloch

Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants. A. Whitney Brown

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the world together

When there's a will, I want to be in it.

Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!

What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
Polaroids.

All generalizations are false, including this one.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

I could've eaten Alphabits and crapped out a better essay!!

Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.

The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.

Poesia

Si para recobrar lo recobrado
debí perder lo perdido
Si para conseguir lo conseguido
debí haber sufrido lo sufrido
Si para estar enamorado
fue menester primero estar herido
Tengo por bien sufrido lo sufrido
tengo por bien llorado lo llorado
Porque después de todo he comprobado
que no se goza bien de lo gozado
sino después de haberlo padecido
Porque después de todo he comprendido
que lo que el árbol tiene de florido
vive de lo que tiene sepultado

Cats and Dogs

DOG DIARY
8:00 AM - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 AM - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 AM - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 AM - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 PM - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 PM - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 PM - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 PM - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 PM - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 PM - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 PM - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing

CAT DIARY
Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.
Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.
In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet.
I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of.
However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am.
Bastards!
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight.
I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event.
However, I could hear the noises and smell the food.
I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.'
I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking.
I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.
The dog receives special privileges.
He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return.
He is obviously retarded.

Just Quit It