California Crazy Law

Sunshine is guaranteed to the masses.


Animals are banned from mating publicly within 1,500 feet of a tavern, school, or place of worship.


Many animals are illegal to own as pets, including snails, sloths, and elephants.


Bathhouses are against the law.


In an animal shelter, lizards and snakes are treated under the same guidelines as cats and dogs.


No vehicle without a driver may exceed 60 miles per hour.


Women may not drive in a house coat.


It is a misdemeanor to shoot at any kind of game from a moving vehicle, unless the target is a whale.


Arcadia
Peacocks have the right of way to cross any street, including driveways.


Alhambra
You cannot leave your car on the street overnight without the proper permit.


Baldwin Park
Nobody is allowed to ride a bicycle in a swimming pool.


Belvedere
City Council order reads: "No dog shall be in a public place without its master on a leash."


Blythe
You are not permitted to wear cowboy boots unless you already own at least two cows.


Burlingame
It is illegal to spit, except on baseball diamonds.


Carmel
Ice cream may not be eaten while standing on the sidewalk. (Repealed when Clint Eastwood was mayor)


Women may not wear high heels while in the city limits.


Chico
Detonating a nuclear device within the city limits results in a $500 fine.


Downey
It is illegal to wash your car in the street. (Passed 1995).


Hollywood
It is illegal to drive more than two thousand sheep down Hollywood Boulevard at one time.


Lafayette
You are forbidden to spit on the ground within 5 feet of another person.


Lodi
It is illegal to own or sell "Silly String".


Lompoc
It is illegal to posses, own or raise roosters. This is considered disturbing the peace.


Long Beach
It is illegal to curse on a mini-golf course.


Cars are the only item allowed in a garage.


Los Angeles
Toads may not be licked.


You may not hunt moths under a street light.


It is a crime for dogs to mate within 500 yards of a church. Breaking this law is punishable by a fine of $500 and/or six months in prison.


You cannot bathe two babies in the same tub at the same time.


Zoot suits are prohibited.


It is illegal to cry on the witness stand.


It is illegal for a man to beat his wife with a strap wider than 2 inches without her consent.


Ontario
Roosters may not crow in the city limits.


Pacific Grove
Molesting butterflies can result in a $500 fine.


Palm Springs
It is illegal to walk a camel down Palm Canyon Drive between the hours of four and six PM.


Pasadena
It is illegal for a secretary to be alone in a room with her boss.


Prunedale
Two bathtubs may not be installed in the same house.


Redlands
Motor vehicles may not drive on city streets unless a man with a lantern is wallking ahead of it.


Riverside
One may not carry a lunch down the street between 11 and 1 o'clock.


San Diego
The owners of houses with Christmas lights on them past February second may be fined up to $250.


It is illegal to shoot jackrabbits from the back of a streetcar.


San Francisco
Persons classified as "ugly" may not walk down any street.


Prohibits elephants from strolling down Market Street unless they are on a leash.


It is illegal to pile horse manure more than six feet high on a street corner.


It is illegal to wipe one's car with used underwear.


San Jose
It is illegal to have more than two cats or dogs. -Ord. 7.08.595


Santa Monica
You may not play percussion instruments on the beach.


Temecula
Ducks have the right of way to cross Rancho California St. at all times.

Tales From The Shire

Two hobbits walk into a bar where one of them picks up a barfly. They taker her to ta local motel; the first hobbit goes into the motel room while the other waits outside. Once the door closes, the hobbit on the outside hears starnge noises through the door, "I can't do it, I can't do it, I CAN'T DO IT!"
In the morning, the second hobbit askes the first, "How did it go?" The first one answers. "It was embarrassing. I simply couldn''t do it."

The second hobbit shook his head. "Manhood problems, eh?"

"No. I couldnt get on the bed!"

Online Lies

· "I'm in this private room consoling a depressed friend."
· "You're different. I've never felt like this about someone I've never met before."
· "I'm new online and haven't had time to create a profile, but tell me more about yourself."
· "I never do cybersex!! Yet here in this room alone with you, well, I'm getting excited!"
· "Yes of course I'm female."
· "No this is my only screen name. You mean you can have more than one?"
· "I'm 5'4, blonde hair, blue eyes and guys love my body!"
Male version is "I'm 6'0, great tan, and buffed from working out!"
· "I'm not like most of the guys here, I just want to meet so we can just have coffee and get to know each other."
· "I don't care what you look like, it's what's on the inside that counts." (Which is true, except it means "I'm horny and could care less, just type)
· "Tonight my love, our souls have touched."

An Hmanga-Project Movie

<@sheep|fire54> An Hmanga-Project Movie
<@sheep|fire54> starring
<@sheep|fire54> Tom Cruise as GluLm
<@sheep|fire54> Jackie Chan as bigfire54
<@sheep|fire54> Matthew Perry as Nagach
<@GluLm> I saw that coming ;D
<@sheep|fire54> Sean Connery as The Mighty Highlord
<@sheep|fire54> XD
<@sheep|fire54> Rebecca Romijin-Stamos as Lighter
<@sheep|fire54> XDDD
<@sheep|fire54> Monica Bellucci as Chiiii
> whoooaaaaa
<@sheep|fire54> lmao
<@ChojinZero> :o
<%Nagach> sounds good to me
<@sheep|fire54> I know, doesn't it?
<%Nagach> other than me being played by Matthew Perry
<%Nagach> he just don't have what it takes
> Antonio Banderas as ChojinZero
> :p
<@sheep|fire54> LMAO!!!!
<@sheep|fire54> omg
<@ChojinZero> >_>
<@GluLm> lol
<@GluLm> I'd say brad pit
<@ChojinZero> >_>;;;;;;;
<%Nagach> yeh, brad pit could play me
<%Nagach> we look alike and all
> nah, thats Zapper
<%Nagach> *cough*
[<@ChojinZero> brad for Naggy
<@sheep|fire54> Zapper?!
<%Nagach> yay!
> XDDD
<@ChojinZero> Zapper can be george clooney
<@sheep|fire54> Arnold Schwerzenegger as ChojinZero
> george looney right
<@ChojinZero> lol
<%Nagach> well, actually, Edward Norton could portray my leetnes better I think

A que os suena esto?

En las inscripciones de una tablilla asiría, de alrededor del año 2800 a. de C., se puede leer el siguiente texto: "En esos últimos tiempos, nuestra tierra está degenerando. Hay señales de que le mundo está llegando rápidamente a su fin. El cohecho y la corrupción son comunes".
Más de 2. 000 años después (pero 2.800 antes de nuestros tiempos), Sócrates decía: "Los hijos son ahora tiranos... ya no se ponen de pie cuando entra un anciano a la habitación. Contradicen a sus padres, charlan ante las visitas, engullen golosinas en la mesa, cruzan las piernas y tiranizan a sus maestros".
Y Platón redundaba en las opiniones de su maestro: "¿Qué está ocurriendo con nuestros jóvenes? Faltan al respeto a sus mayores, desobedecen a sus padres. Desdeñan la ley. Se rebelan en las calles inflamados de ideas descabelladas. Su moral está decayendo. ¿Qué va a ser de ellos?".
Como se ve, los problemas no han cambiado tanto como solemos creer.




DOVAL, GREGORIO. Enciclopedia de las curiosidades. El libro de los hechos insólitos. Ediciones del Prado. 1994

Magia Potagia (harry potter, toma nota)

FÓRMULA PARA QUE SUENE EL TELEFONO:
1. Entre en la ducha.
2. Enjabónese bien la cabeza.
3. Cuente hasta tres.
Entonces, sonará el teléfono. Aquí se abren dos caminos:
a) Si lo atiende, era una equivocación.
b) Si no lo atiende, veinte días más tarde se enterará de que
era una llamada importante.

FÓRMULA PARA HACER QUE LLUEVA:
1. Diga: "Que día tan bonito, ojalá siga así...".
2. Lave el coche.
3. Riegue el jardín.
4. Lave toda la ropa que tenga y póngala a secar.
5 . Organice una barbacoa para la noche.
6. Salga de casa a pie y sin abrigo.

FÓRMULA PARA ECHAR AL PESCADO EL LIMÓN:
1. Ponga el pescado sobre su ojo derecho.
2. Tome un limón y exprímalo apuntando en cualquier
dirección,
nunca
falla.

FÓRMULA PARA HACER APARECER UN AUTOBÚS:
1. Llegue a la parada.
2. Espere veinte minutos.
3. Enciéndase un cigarrillo y, en la mitad de la primera
calada,
aparecerá.
Nota: Se han registrado casos donde han aparecido hasta
tres autobuses juntos.

FÓRMULA PARA APARCAR CERCA DE CASA:
1. Pegue muchas vueltas cerca de su casa buscando aparcamiento.
2. Espere treinta minutos.
3. Aparque en el otro barrio, a 30 minutos a pie de su casa.
4. Cuando llegue a casa a pie, verá dos o tres sitios
vacíos delante de ella.