Lunar Eclipse

The moon is gone, no where to be found.
Tonight we rest, our brothers home bound.

The moon peeks its head through a starlit sky.
Tonight we move, to the lands above high

The moon shows itself with all it's glory
Tonight we create, weapons that are unholy

Our wickedness has caused the moon to be angered and color the sky scarlet
Tonight brothers, we honor him by making our enemies turn violet

The scarlet moon turns black and echoes the sounds of our wickedness.
Casting our enemies in darkness for the last of their liveliness.

Ferengi Rules of Acquisition

Rule #1 - Once you have their money, you never give it back.

Rule #2 - The best deal is the one that brings the most profit.

Rule #3 - Never spend more for an acquisition than you have to.

Rule #4 - Time and Latinum are precious.

Rule #5 - Always exaggerate your estimate.

Rule #6 - Never allow family to stand in the way of opportunity.

Rule #7 - Keep your ears open.

Rule #8 - Small print leads to large risk.

Rule #9 - Opportunity plus instinct equals profit.

Rule #10 - Greed is eternal.

Rule #11 - Even if it's free, you can always buy it cheaper.

Rule #12 - Anything worth selling is worth selling twice.

Rule #13 - Anything worth doing is worth doing for money.

Rule #14 - Keep your family close; keep your Latinum closer.

Rule #15 - Dead men close no deals.

Rule #16 - A deal is a deal, until a better one comes along.

Rule #17 - A contract is a contract is a contract - but only between Ferengi.

Rule #18 - A Ferengi without profit is no Ferengi at all.

Rule #19 - Satisfaction is not guaranteed.

Rule #20 - He who dives under the table today, lives to profit tomorrow.

Rule #21 - Never place friendship before profit.

Rule #22 - A wise man can hear profit in the wind.

Rule #23 - Nothing is more important than health, except money.

Rule #24 - Latinum can't buy happiness, but you can sure have a blast renting it.

Rule #25 - You pay for it, it's your idea.

Rule #26 - As the customers go, so goes the wise profiteer.

Rule #27 - There's nothing more dangerous than an honest businessman.

Rule #28 - Whisper your way to success.

Rule #29 - Always ask, "What's in it for me?"

Rule #30 - Talk is cheap, synthehol isn't.

Rule #31 - Never make fun of a Ferengi's mother.

Rule #32 - Be careful what you sell, it may do exactly what the customer expects.

Rule #33 - It never hurts to suck up to the boss.

Rule #34 - War is good for business.

Rule #35 - Peace is good for business.

Rule #36 - Neutrality is good for business.

Rule #37 - If it's free, take it and worry about hidden costs later.

Rule #38 - Everyone needs something.

Rule #39 - Friendship is temporary; profit is forever.

Rule #40 - She can touch your lobes, but never your Latinum.

Rule #41 - Profit is its own reward.

Rule #42 - What's mine is mine.

Rule #43 - What's yours can be mine.

Rule #44 - Never confuse wisdom with luck.

Rule #45 - Expand or Die.

Rule #46 - Make your shop easy to find.

Rule #47 - Don't trust a man wearing a better suit than your own.

Rule #48 - The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife.

Rule #49 - Everything is worth something to somebody.

Rule #50 - Gratitude can bring on generosity.

Rule #51 - Reward anyone who adds to your profits so they will continue to do so.

Rule #52 - Never ask when you can take.

Rule #53 - Never trust anybody taller than you.

Rule #54 - Never trust a Ferengi with bigger lobes.

Rule #55 - Advertise.

Rule #56 - Be discreet.

Rule #57 - Good customers are as rare as Latinum; treasure them.

Rule #58 - There is no substitute for success.

Rule #59 - Free advice is seldom cheap.

Rule #60 - Keep your lies consistent.

Rule #61 - Never underestimate the power of bribery.

Rule #62 - The riskier the road, the greater the profit.

Rule #63 - Share only what isn't yours.

Rule #64 - You don't need a store front to set up shop.

Rule #65 - Win or lose, there's always Huyperian beetle snuff.

Rule #66 - Double the price, then sell it half off.

Rule #67 - Always inspect the merchandise.

Rule #68 - A little ear stroking goes a long way.

Rule #69 - Ferengi are not responsible for the stupidity of other races.

Rule #70 - Ferengi are not responsible for the stupidity of other Ferengi.

Rule #71 - Close the deal, and then answer questions.

Rule #72 - Never trust your customers.

Rule #73 - If it gets you profit, sell your own mother.

Rule #74 - Knowledge equals profit.

Rule #75 - Home is where the heart is, but the stars are made of Latinum.

Rule #76 - Every once in a while, declare peace. "It confuses the hell out of your enemies".

Rule #77 - It's better to swallow your pride than to lose your profit.

Rule #78 - When the going gets tough, the tough change the rules.

Rule #79 - Beware of the Vulcan greed for knowledge.

Rule #80 - Greed is known by many names.

Rule #81 - There's a difference between being a coward and running away.

Rule #82 - The flimsier the product, the higher the price.

Rule #83 - Even the wealth of the Nagus started with one slip of Latinum.

Rule #84 - A friend is not a friend if he asks for a discount.

Rule #85 - Never let the competition know what you're thinking.

Rule #86 - When the odds are against you never give up; just quit.

Rule #87 - A friend in need means three times the profit.

Rule #88 - It ain't over 'till it's over.

Rule #89 - Ask not what your profits can do for you, ask what you can do for your profits.

Rule #90 - The Divine Treasury awaits.

Rule #91 - Hear all, trust nothing.

Rule #92 - There are many paths to profit.

Rule #93 - Act without delay! The sharp knife cuts quickly.

Rule #94 - Females and finances don't mix.

Rule #95 - Prejudice only eliminates customers.

Rule #96 - For every rule, there is an equal and opposite rule (except when there's not.)

Rule #97 - Enough... is never enough.

Rule #98 - Every man has his price.

Rule #99 - Trust is the biggest liability of all.

Rule #100 - If they take your first offer, you either asked too little, or offered too much.

Rule #101 - The only value of a collectible is what you can get somebody else to pay for it.

Rule #102 - Nature decays, but Latinum lasts forever.

Rule #103 - Sleep can interfere with negotiations.

Rule #104 - Faith moves mountains of inventory.

Rule #105 - Don't trust anyone who trusts you.

Rule #106 - There is no honor in poverty.

Rule #107 - A warranty is valid only if they can find you.

Rule #108 - Don't buy what you can't sell.

Rule #109 - Dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack.

Rule #110 - Playing dumb is often smart.

Rule #111 - Treat people in your debt like family, exploit them [ruthlessly].

Rule #112 - Never have sex with the boss' sister.

Rule #113 - Always have sex with the boss.

Rule #114 - The one in power defines morality.

Rule #115 - The best contract always has a lot of fine print.

Rule #116 - There's always a catch.

Rule #117 - Profit is the better part of valor.

Rule #118 - There is no profit in revenge.

Rule #119 - Never judge a customer by the size of his wallet, sometimes, good things come in small packages.

Rule #120 - Borrow on a handshake, lend in writing.

Rule #121 - Everything is for sale, including friendship.

Rule #122 - Do not forsake your profits and they will watch over you.

Rule #123 - Even a blind man can recognize the glow of Latinum.

Rule #124 - Diligent hands bring wealth.

Rule #125 - You can't make a deal if you're dead.

Rule #126 - Count it.

Rule #127 - Stay neutral in conflict so that you can sell supplies to both sides.

Rule #128 - Secrets are commodities, sell them.

Rule #129 - The fear of poverty is the beginning of knowledge.

Rule #130 - Never pay for sentiment, always charge for it.

Rule #131 - Information is profit.

Rule #132 - Never take no from someone who wasn't authorized to give you yes.

Rule #133 - Only those ideas that lead to profit are good.

Rule #134 - One good turn requires another.

Rule #135 - Never trust a beneficiary.

Rule #136 - Seek profit first and everything else will follow.

Rule #137 - Everything is negotiable.

Rule #138 - Wealth brings satisfaction.

Rule #139 - Wives serve, brothers inherit.

Rule #140 - Better great treasure with trouble than peace with poverty.

Rule #141 - Only fools pay retail.

Rule #142 - There's no such thing as an unfair advantage.

Rule #143 - Risk is part of the game... play it for all it's worth.

Rule #144 - There's nothing wrong with charity...as long as it winds up in your pocket.

Rule #145 - A little and often fills your pockets.

Rule #146 - Necessity is the mother of invention. Profit is the father.

Rule #147 - In all worthwhile labor there is profit.

Rule #148 - Wealth enables experience.

Rule #149 - Profit is encouragement to industry and enterprise.

Rule #150 - The way to become rich is to put all your Latinum in one sack, then watch the sack.

Rule #151 - The man is richest who's pleasures are cheapest.

Rule #152 - A lie is a way to tell the truth to someone who doesn't know.

Rule #153 - Sell the sizzle, not the steak.

Rule #152 - Work hard so you don't have to.

Rule #153 - When you have only 2 slips of Latinum left, buy bread with one, and bet the other.

Rule #154 - Pain passes, but profits remain.

Rule #155 - Power is 50% what you have and 50% what people think you have.

Rule #156 - Rainy days are good for business.

Rule #157 - Common sense is the collection of the customer's prejudices.

Rule #158 - The first principle of a rigid businessman is to always be flexible.

Rule #159 - There are no creeds in mathematics.

Rule #160 - Happiness is not mere possession of profit, but joy of acquisition.

Rule #161 - Beyond the mountains there are more mountains.

Rule #162 - Even in the worst of times, someone turns a profit.

Rule #163 - When a friend makes profit, you don't.

Rule #164 - Life does not guarantee equality of conditions, only of opportunity.

Rule #165 - Never let your sense of morals get in the way of opportunity.

Rule #166 - The success of any great transaction does not depend on odds.

Rule #167 - Earning is not only a duty it's a privilege.

Rule #168 - Whisper your way to success.

Rule #169 - Competition and fair play are mutually exclusive.

Rule #170 - The hand that feeds could be bitten.

Rule #171 - Blood is thicker than water, and Latinum is thicker than both.

Rule #172 - Chances aren't what they used to be.

Rule #173 - Dream, plan, believe, act.

Rule #174 - If you can't buy it, find someone who can.

Rule #175 - Gratitude is expensive.

Rule #176 - The wind always favors the best navigator.

Rule #177 - Know your enemies... but do business with them always.

Rule #178 - Power, leisure, and liberty are all words for profit.

Rule #179 - Opportunity may bring profit, friendship rarely does.

Rule #180 - Never discuss an opportunity with someone wealthier than you.

Rule #181 - Not even dishonesty can tarnish the shine of profit.

Rule #182 - The cost for profit is never too high.

Rule #183 - When it's a question of profit, everyone is of one belief.

Rule #184 - In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.

Rule #185 - Small opportunities are often the beginning of great enterprises.

Rule #186 - There is no security, only opportunity.

Rule #187 - The philosophy of one is the common sense of another.

Rule #188 - A fool and his money are the best customer.

Rule #189 - Let others keep their reputation. You keep their money.

Rule #190 - Hear all, trust nothing.

Rule #191 - A Ferengi waits to bid until his opponents have exhausted themselves.

Rule #192 - Never cheat a Klingon... unless you're sure you can get away with it.

Rule #193 - Restlessness and discontent are the first necessities of desire.

Rule #194 - It's always good business to know about new customers before they walk in your door.

Rule #195 - You can't jump a 20 foot gorge in two 10 foot jumps.

Rule #196 - Listen to advice; then do what you want anyway.

Rule #197 - Pick battles big enough to matter, but small enough to win.

Rule #198 - You can't shake hands with a fist.

Rule #199 - The universe is not as difficult to comprehend as a Vulcan.

Rule #200 - A Ferengi chooses no side but his own.

Rule #201 - Wisdom consists of the anticipation of costs and consequences.

Rule #202 - The justification of profit is profit.

Rule #203 - New customers are like razor-backed Gree-worms... They can be succulent, but sometimes they bite back!

Rule #204 - It takes a Ferengi to cheat a Ferengi.

Rule #205 - Trust can be expensive.

Rule #206 - Distrust can be expensive.

Rule #207 - Sense without education is better than education without sense.

Rule #208 - Sometimes the only thing more dangerous than a question, is an answer.

Rule #209 - To many lobes spoil the deal.

Rule #210 - Always be smarter than the people you hire.

Rule #211 - Employees are the rungs on the ladder of success... don't hesitate to step on them.

Rule #212 - You're and your Latinum are all you've got.

Rule #213 - Those who concede to sell for less understand the value of business.

Rule #214 - Never begin a business negotiation on an empty stomach.

Rule #215 - Profit may not bring happiness, but there is no happiness without profit.

Rule #216 - Never gamble with an empath.

Rule #217 - You can't free a fish from water.

Rule #218 - Always know what you're buying.

Rule #219 - Possession is 11/10 of the law.

Rule #220 - Listen what they say while watching what they do.

Rule #221 - Computers can only give you the answers.

Rule #222 - The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be believed.

Rule #223 - Beware the man who doesn't make time for oo-mox.

Rule #224 - Listen to your lobes.

Rule #225 - Always follow one step ahead.

Rule #226 - Learn the language; translators malfunction.

Rule #227 - Emulation with profit is better than innovation with none.

Rule #228 - Bid high and bid often.

Rule #229 - Latinum lasts longer than lust.

Rule #230 - If they're smarter than you, make them a lesser partner.

Rule #231 - There's a customer born every minute; be sure you're the first to find each one.

Rule #232 - Deal only with select clientele. (Those who are rich and not so bright.)

Rule #233 - Latinum doesn't grow on trees.

Rule #234 - There's nothing wrong with a good delusion.

Rule #235 - Duck; death is tall.

Rule #236 - You can't buy fate.

Rule #237 - It's good to want things, especially things you can't have.

Rule #238 - How I handle my business is none of yours.

Rule #239 - Never be afraid to mislabel a product.

Rule #240 - Do it yourself and keep it yourself.

Rule #241 - Never trust a hardworking employee.

Rule #242 - More is good... all is better.

Rule #243 - The more good will you can generate, the longer your customers stay.

Rule #244 - Because something's priceless doesn't mean it's not worthless.

Rule #245 - Benevolence is 50/50.

Rule #246 - Innocence is expensive.

Rule #247 - Don't negotiate with the underlings.

Rule #248 - Profit is in the details.

Rule #249 - Once it's sold stop selling.

Rule #250 - Precious things are for those that can prize them.

Rule #251 - Don't miss the opportunity by grabbing at the shadow.

Rule #252 - Little steps may prove great profit.

Rule #253 - Synthehol is the lubricant of choice for a customer's stuck purse.

Rule #254 - Better a fat slave than to starve free.

Rule #255 - A wife is a luxury... a smart accountant, a necessity.

Rule #256 - Accountants do not play the game; they only keep the score.

Rule #257 - Despise the things you cannot have.

Rule #258 - A slip in the hand is better than a bar in sight.

Rule #259 - Wealth not yours might well as not exist.

Rule #260 - Life's not fair. How else would you turn a profit?

Rule #261 - A wealthy man can afford anything except a conscience.

Rule #262 - A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.

Rule #263 - Never allow doubt to tarnish your lust for Latinum.

Rule #264 - Distrust interested advice.

Rule #265 - The customer is always right... until you get their Latinum.

Rule #266 - When in doubt, lie.

Rule #267 - If you believe it, they believe it.

Rule #268 - Hold on to what you have, but plan for future luck.

Rule #269 - Trying to please an enemy makes you the loser everytime.

Rule #270 - In business deals, a disruptor can be almost as important as a calculator.

Rule #271 - What we want is not always the most profitable.

Rule #272 - Think twice before leaping once.

Rule #273 - Don't waste your breath arguing with a Klingon; save it for the running you may have to do.

Rule #274 - Consider your next transaction while counting your Latinum.

Rule #275 - Foolish investment based on foolish advice is still foolish investment.

Rule #276 - Overbooking is standard practice.

Rule #277 - Anything worth fighting for is worth hiding from.

Rule #278 - Appearances are deceptive. Dress above yourself.

Rule #279 - Necessity knows no price.

Rule #280 - If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Rule #281 - Greed cannot overreach itself.

Rule #282 - The value of something is not in its use, but in its price.

Rule #283 - An individual is smart, a group is not.

Rule #284 - Deep down, everyone's a Ferengi.

Rule #285 - No good deed ever goes unpunished.

The Unwritten Rule - When no appropriate rule applies, make one up!|

Simpsons and Gun Control

Homer is looking at the guns. He picks up an unloaded handgun, points it at the clerk, and pulls the trigger several times.
CLERK: Whoa! Careful there, Annie Oakley.
HOMER: I don't have to be careful, I got a gun.
The clerk takes the gun, then holds up several items in succession.
CLERK: Well, you'll probably want the accessory kit. Holster...
HOMER: Oh, yeah.
CLERK: Bandoleer.
HOMER: Baby.
CLERK: Silencer.
HOMER: Mm-hmm.
CLERK: Loudener.
HOMER: Oh...
CLERK: Speed-cocker.
HOMER: Ooh, I like the sound of that!
CLERK: (holding up a huge weapon) And this is for shooting down police helicopters.
HOMER: Oh, I don't need anything like that... yet

Un examen de música

Enviado por un profesor de la ESO, es un examen de verdad:
Entre tanto, y para solaz regocijo de la audencia, paso a adjuntaros transcripción literal del examen de música de un alumno que no tiene desperdicio (la transcripción). He respetado la ortografía en su forma original, espero que seáis capaces de entenderlo. Aunque penséis que es un invento, os aseguro que nadie tiene tanta imaginación para idear esto, y tengo la copia del original del examen que da fe de todo lo que aquí se relata:
Pregunta 1: La orquesta: definición, esquema de distribución de los instrumentos y criterio de colocación de estos instrumentos.
Respuesta: La orquesta es cuando se guntan mucha gente que toca, y toca la musica. Los instrumentos se colocan unos delante y otros detras y eso depende del tamaqo, por ejemplo la gaita se coloca siempre delante.
Pregunta 2: Características generales de la música barroca.
Respuesta: Creo que ay un despiste en la pregunta, me parece que es la musica marroca. Voy a contestar esto. La musica marroca es la de los moros de Marruecos que es muy importante porque la tocaban los moros cuando ivan a las batallas de conquista.
Pregunta 3: Beethoven.
Respuesta: Este era un señor sordo que compuso la letra de Miguel Rios o sea el Hino de la Alegria. Pero cuando la izo no era de rocks. Daba muchos conciertos en la epoca de Franco y hizo tambien "Para Luisa" que no tiene paranjon en la historia de la musica.
Pregunta 4: Vocabulario musical. Define...
- baritono: es el que lleba la barita o sea el que dirije a los otros
- tenor: es un cantante como Placido Domingo
- soprano: esto no lo se
- villancico: es lo que se canta en Navidad cerca del arbol
- sinfonia: es lo que tocan las orquestas
- movimiento adagio: eso no lo trae mi libro
- movimiento allegro: que lo cantan los musicos cuando osea estan contentos
Pregunta 5: Brevemente comenta las características musicales de tu grupo/cantante/compositor favorito.
Respuesta: Ami me gusta mucho toda la musica tanto asi la vieja y la de haora. ejemplo: de la vieja Carminha Furada, Maller y Faya que era español, de los nuevos me gusta Mecano, Siniestro Total, Los Burros, Allatola no me toques la pirola (con perdon) y otros muchos en jeneral. Fin.
Nota: FUE A PROTESTAR PORQUE LE SUSPENDIERON.

Como comportarse en un funeral

La gente que te rodea tiene una curiosa tendencia a morirse cuando nadie se lo espera. Deberías tomarte en serio lo de asistir a sus entierros para conocer a sus familias y poder prolongar tus venganzas a costa de sus descendientes, aparte de que necesitaras saber donde esta la tumba para poder practicar tus brujerías.

Pero durante la ceremonia has de mantener una actitud discreta que aleje de ti todas las sospechas; estas son unas breves indicaciones sobre como mostrar tu respeto para con el difunto:

1) Antes de salir de tu casa, espárcete un poco de engrudo por encima de tus brazos. En mitad de la capilla ardiente, empieza a arrancarte los pellejos de pegamento y ponte a gritar histéricamente "¡¡ES CONTAGIOSO!!".

2) Aparece disfrazado de payaso. Cada vez que la viuda se limpie las narices, toca la trompeta.

3) Pregúntale al cura si te puedes quedar con el cuerpo para hacer practicas de tatuaje. Dile que ayudan a conservar el cadáver. Sobórnale para que finja reírse al hablar bien del muerto durante el funeral.

4) Charla con la gente; diles que ya has visto el testamento y que ellos no están incluidos porque le caían mal al fallecido. Di que tienes que irte pronto, y que si pueden leer ya la ultima voluntad.

5) Asegura que te debía dinero; organiza una colecta para pagar sus deudas de juego, y tráete una modelo en bikini para que recoja los cheques. Di que eres un inspector de hacienda y que procedes a desahuciarle de su tumba para pagar impuestos atrasados.

6) Di que se te ha ciado una lentilla dentro del ataúd y ponte a buscarla. Pégale un puñetazo al cadáver y di que empezó el.

7) Pon una mierda de perro encima del féretro; cuando la gente te diga algo, llámales imbéciles por no darse cuenta de que es de plástico. Si alguien la coge y descubre que no es de plástico, ríete de el.

8) Usa la lengua del muerto para pegar un sello en una carta. Déjale en la boca una manzana o unos dientes postizos de vampiro.

9) Tira un puñado de arroz encima del difunto y grita "¡GUSANOS! ¡GUSANOS!". Desmáyate encima de las velas.

10) Tírate un pedo y quéjate en voz alta del mal olor del cadáver.

11) Cuenta historias de fantasmas mientras repartes entre los asistentes unos folletos titulados "Guía de Introducción al Uso Ritual Satánico para Niños".

12) Vas al entierro con un buitre sobre tu hombro; di que es tu mascota. Esparce insecticida sobre el cadáver y di que es para que no se lo coman las moscas.

13) Dile al enterrador que tu perro se ha muerto, y pregúntale si lo puedes meter dentro del ataúd. Pregúntale cuanto tiempo tardan en pudrirse las encías de los dientes de oro.

14) En mitad del entierro, levanta la mano y di que tienes que hacer pis. Mea encima de las flores de la tumba de al lado, pretendiendo regarlas y preguntándote en voz alta como fue la ultima evacuación del difunto.

15) Si ves a algún jardinero, pregúntale por los detalles del abonado del césped. Sugiérele que instale una fuente para que la gente beba.

16) Cuando la viuda tire el primer puñado de tierra, empújala dentro de la tumba; luego sigue echándole tierra a ella, como si fuera un juego. Ríete. Usa una pala con el resto de los espectadores para animarles.

17) Dile al viudo/a que tu eras el amante de su cónyuge, y que su ultimo deseo fue que hicieras el amor con el/ella. Pregúntale si le han enterrado con "las prótesis".

Pero recuerda: Ante todo comportate con respeto en el funeral.

Mandamientos del vago

1. Se nace cansado y se vive para descansar
2. Ama tu cama como a ti mismo.
3. Descansa de día para dormir de noche.
4. Si ves a alguien descansando, ¡¡ayúdale!!
5. El trabajo es cansancio.
6. No hagas hoy lo que puedas hacer mañana.
7. Haz los menos que puedas y lo que debas hacer, deja que lo hagan otros.
8. De mucho descansar nadie murió jamás.
9. Cuanto te asalten deseos de trabajar, siéntate y espera a que se te pase.
10. Si el trabajo es salud, ¡viva la enfermedad!

Un grave complejo sexual

Un psiquiatra, para encontrar la raíz del problema de un paciente dibuja una línea vertical y le dice:

"¿Qué le sugiere?"

"Una mujer desnuda."

Cruza la línea con una horizontal:

"¿Y ahora?"

"Una mujer desnuda agachada."

Borra las dos líneas y dibuja una horizontal:

"¿Y esto, qué le sugiere?"

"Una mujer desnuda acostada."

"La verdad es que usted sufre un grave complejo sexual."

"¿YO?, ¡ES USTED QUIEN HA PINTADO ESAS GUARRADAS!"

Por qué es mejor la cerveza que las mujeres

1. Puedes disfrutar de la cerveza todo el mes.
2. Las manchas de cerveza se van.
3. No tienes por qué agasajar a la cerveza.
4. La cerveza te esperará siempre pacientemente en el coche.
5. Cuando la cerveza se pone plana la sacudes.
6. La cerveza nunca llega tarde.
7. Las resacas se marchan.
8. La cerveza no se pone celosa cuando coges otra cerveza.
9. Las anillas de la cerveza salen sin resistencia.
10. Cuando entras en un bar, siempre puedes conseguir una cerveza.
11. La cerveza nunca tiene dolor de cabeza.
12. Cuando has acabado con una cerveza, la botella todavía vale 5 duros.
13. La cerveza no se molesta si vuelves a casa con aliento a cerveza.
14. Puedes tomar más de una cerveza en una noche sin sentirte culpable.
15. La cerveza siempre pasa con facilidad.
16. Puedes compartir una cerveza con los amigos.
17. Siempre puedes tener la certeza de que eres el primero en descorchar una cerveza.
18. La cerveza no exige igualdad.
19. A una cerveza no le importa cuando vuelves.
20. Puedes tomar una cerveza en público.
21. Una cerveza frígida es una buena cerveza.
22. La cerveza siempre viene en múltiplos de seis.
23. Después de haber tomado una cerveza no tienes más que tirar la botella vacía.
24. Una cerveza nunca te cuesta más de quinientas pesetas y nunca te deja sediento.
25. Cuando tu cerveza se ha ido, simplemente descorchas otra.
26. La cerveza tiene el mismo aspecto a la mañana siguiente.
27. La cerveza no se preocupa por si llega alguien.
28. La cerveza no se preocupa por si se despiertan los niños.
29. La cerveza no tiene madre.
30. La cerveza no tiene moral.
31. La cerveza no se pone histérica una vez al mes.
32. La cerveza siempre escucha y nunca discute.
33. La cerveza no tiene los pies/manos/ fríos/as.
34. La cerveza nunca se pasa de su peso.
35. Si cambias de cerveza no tienes que pasar una manutención.
36. La cerveza no se escapará con tus tarjetas de crédito.
37. La cerveza no tiene un abogado.
38. La cerveza no puede pasarte un herpes o cosas desagradables.
39. La cerveza no critica tu modo de conducir.
40. La cerveza nunca cambia de opinión.
41. La cerveza nunca te cabrea o juega sucio para conseguir algo.
42. La cerveza nunca te pide que cambies de canal.
43. La cerveza no te pide que vayas de compras.
44. La cerveza es siempre fácil de obtener.
45. La cerveza nunca dice no.
46. La cerveza no se queja si la tomas en cualquier parte.
47. La cerveza no necesita ir 'a empolvarse' con otras cervezas.
48. A la cerveza no le molesta ensuciarse.
49. La cerveza no se queja de tu insensibilidad.
50. La cerveza no vive con su madre.
51. La cerveza nunca se desfoga contigo.
52. A la cerveza no le preocupa que no tengas cultura ni maneras.
53. La cerveza no se queja, ni grita, ni llora.
54. A la cerveza no le importa que sea la temporada futbolística.
55. La cerveza no te hará ir a la iglesia.
56. Es más probable que una cerveza sepa deletrear 'carburador', que una mujer.
57. Una cerveza no piensa que el baloncesto es estúpido porque los jugadores escupen.
58. Una cerveza no piensa que DOS sea un número.
59. A una cerveza le importa un comino si tienes un montón de cervezas.
60. Una cerveza no piensa que los odiosos anuncios con niños son 'monos'.
61. Si una cerveza se derrama por el suelo, durante unos instantes huele bastante bien.
62. Una cerveza no te llamará cerdo machista si dices 'doberman' en lugar de 'doberpersonal'.
63. Una cerveza no conseguirá trabajo como disk-jockey y pondrá 5 horas seguidas de música folk lesbiana en tu emisora favorita.
64. Una cerveza no te armara un escándalo por una pequeñez como que levantes la tapa del water.
65. Una cerveza no fumará en tu coche.
66. Una cerveza te ayudará, de hecho, en el eructo y la pedorrera, y compartirá tu entusiasmo por que sean incluidos como deportes de exhibición en los juegos olímpicos de Australia 2000.
67. Una cerveza está siempre dispuesta a marcharse a tiempo.
68. Una cerveza nunca busca piropos.
69. La cerveza sabe bien.
70. Si sacas una cerveza de la nevera para echarle una ojeada, pero en ese momento decides bebértela, la cerveza no te acusar de violación.
71. Una cerveza no te hará comprar tampones cuando vayas a la tienda.
72. Una cerveza no te acusará de mentir cuando digas que lees el Penthouse 'sólo por los artículos' (estás mintiendo, pero una cerveza no te acusará de ello.)
73. Una cerveza nunca te hará ir a ver una película sueca.
74. Una cerveza no te acusará de cerdo machista si dices 'Gene Hackman' en lugar de 'Gene Hackpersona'.
75. Una cerveza no te hará probar comida vegetariana que sabe como aceite de ricino.
76. Cuando has acabado con una cerveza, la idea de otra cerveza no te enferma.

Las cuatro funciones y la mujer

La mujer es el único "elemento matemático" que cumple con las cuatro funciones básicas que son:

1. Suma gastos.

2. Resta alegrías.

3. Multiplica los problemas.

4. Divide las opiniones.

Racism