By Ryann Connell - Staff Writer - December 11, 2004
Tokyo housewife Yoshimi says she got the fright of her life when she had a look at the type of manga her 12-year-old daughter was reading.
"I started shaking in terror from the moment I turned the page. I never dreamed my daughter was reading such a shocking manga," the 40-year-old mom tells Sunday Mainichi (12/19).
What Yoshimi saw on those pages of that manga was a young schoolgirl, her uniform ripped open to bare her breasts and cords binding her to all limbs were extended. Behind the girl stood a boy of about the same age who was rubbing between her legs and inducing a look of sheer ecstasy on her face. The boy turned to the girl and said, "You still haven't come yet, right?" and sent his probing fingers driving even deeper into the girl's welcoming recesses.
Steamy stuff even for adult magazines for grown men or women, but totally startling considering they were actually found in a shojo manga, one that deliberately targets girls in their early teen years.
"They're selling in ordinary bookstores and my daughter buys them with her pocket money," Yoshimi says. "I liked manga, too, when I was a kid and I wasn't worried at all when my daughter first started reading them."
Yoshimi's worried now...and so are others.
"Manga for teenage girls are becoming increasingly raunchy. There're about 30 shojo manga on the market. Those following a particular storyline for several issues are still in the majority, the number of manga dealing with sex themes started to grow rapidly about three years ago," shojo manga expert Yayoi Kobayashi tells Sunday Mainichi, adding that topics once even taboo among adults, think of incest and pack rape, pop up in little' girl's comics. "You've got to think that theses comics are being read by girls who perhaps a year earlier hadn't even begun budding breasts and they're now reading stuff like, in one manga for instance, finding a young boy to 'train' and turn into a sex toy. It even made me feel sick."
A popular shojo manga editor explains why he thinks little girls like the raunchy materials.
"Manga editors and artists do nothing more than reflect the world around them and provide fiction that the times are calling for," the editor says.
Kids don't seem too perturbed by their reading matter.
"Of course I'm interested in sexy stuff and it's a bit exciting to read it," a sixth grader from Tokyo tells Sunday Mainichi. "But I know there's a difference between manga and reality and I don't pay much attention to what I read."
A third-year junior high school pupil is dismissive of the attacks on shojo manga.
"Before adults get stuck in to attacking comics, they should thing about all the dirty sites on the Internet and all the sex-related spam we get. They're much bigger problems," she says. "You can see people getting down to the real thing in those places. At least with manga it's clearly a fantasy world."
Some schoolgirls say raunchy shojo manga are no threat at all.
"Cool girls are already out with their boyfriends having sex and couldn't give a damn about manga," a third-year junior high schoolgirl from Kanagawa Prefecture says. "Just sitting there reading a manga is proof that the girl is not cool, which naturally means she hasn't got a boyfriend and isn't having sex. Rather than being worried (by shojo manga), parents should feel at ease."
Some girls, like another in her final year at a Tokyo middle school, find sexy shojo manga educational.
"I'm less worried about when I lose my virginity, but how it's going to happen. I want it to feel good and I suppose I've got to satisfy my boyfriend, too. I don't want to have uncool sex, but, to be honest, I haven't got a clue about how to do it," she tells Sunday Mainichi. "When I look at the girls in the shojo manga who are doing 'love play,' I'm amazed at how much they know, I feel really jealous."
Psychiatrist Tamaki Saito says shojo manga pose no threats.
"Manga, or any other media for that matter, are hardly likely to influence girls' sexual behavior," he tells Sunday Mainichi. "Girls have already learned about sex from their friends or amongst themselves. Information they learn that way is going to have a far greater influence over what they do."
27 January, 2005
Kids more inclined to 'bed' with others
By GEOFF BOTTING
Shukan Bunshun (Dec. 23)
Ask a group of girls in their early teens about their views on sex, and you'll get some alarming responses.
"The younger you are when you have sex, the more status you get," pronounces a second-year junior high school student in Hyogo Prefecture.
A fifth-year elementary school girl says, "Girls who have sex when they're young get larger breasts."
"It's more fun that any game or video game," a second-year junior high school student confides.
No doubt about it, more and more early-teen females have few reservations about having sex, according to Shukan Bunshun.
A 2002 survey of girls in the third grade of junior high school found that 9.1 percent were sexually experienced. The rate had nearly tripled from the findings of a similar poll conducted in 1991. What's more, the rate has accelerated at breakneck speed in just the last couple of years.
"At the moment, we're dealing with a 12 percent rate," says Tsuneo Akaeda, a prominent gynecologist. "The decrease in the ages of youngsters having sex for the first time is a nationwide trend, to the extent where we can no longer say 'at least it's not my kid.' "
Why are more and more girls having sex at younger and younger ages?
The simple answer is that sex has become trendy among junior high kids, and even those in the last couple of grades of elementary school.
"It feels like nothing but a game or a fashion for them," says Fusako Araki, who is in charge of puberty issues at the GS Clinic in Chiba Prefecture.
Young girls have told her that the number of times they have sex is an index of their worth in the eyes of their peers.
"They do it in such unsanitary places as karaoke cubicles," Araki says. "Too many of these kids don't have a lot of respect for their bodies."
The problem starts with the pressure to be cool. For low teens and even younger kids this pressure has never been more intense. A big part of being cool is wearing the right clothes and looking the right way. So fashion- and cosmetic- makers, recognizing this, have responded by marketing products exclusively to pre-adult age groups.
The result is that kids barely out of puberty are forced to look, and even act, not as kids but as "small adults," in the words of Shukan Bunshun.
"That interim period when girls actually look pubescent has become extremely short nowadays," says a 42-year-old teacher at a junior high school in Kanagawa Prefecture. "Yet at the same time, these kids are psychologically weaker than their counterparts have been in previous years." It's a dangerous imbalance, the teacher says, that creates a host of insecurities for the youngsters, including those concerning sex.
What these kids need, of course, is better advice and guidance. Unfortunately, they can't rely on their parents for that.
"Even though in Japan we know that children must be properly taught about sex, most parents just don't bother," says Yukio Takekawa, a member of the Children Sex Education Research Network. "If they're silent on the topic, believing that their kids will somehow just pick up the knowledge or hoping that the teachers do all the teaching, then the young girls will just take in all the information that is available out there, including all the misinformation. No wonder they're out of control."
The Japan Times: Dec. 26, 2004
(C) All rights reserved
Shukan Bunshun (Dec. 23)
Ask a group of girls in their early teens about their views on sex, and you'll get some alarming responses.
"The younger you are when you have sex, the more status you get," pronounces a second-year junior high school student in Hyogo Prefecture.
A fifth-year elementary school girl says, "Girls who have sex when they're young get larger breasts."
"It's more fun that any game or video game," a second-year junior high school student confides.
No doubt about it, more and more early-teen females have few reservations about having sex, according to Shukan Bunshun.
A 2002 survey of girls in the third grade of junior high school found that 9.1 percent were sexually experienced. The rate had nearly tripled from the findings of a similar poll conducted in 1991. What's more, the rate has accelerated at breakneck speed in just the last couple of years.
"At the moment, we're dealing with a 12 percent rate," says Tsuneo Akaeda, a prominent gynecologist. "The decrease in the ages of youngsters having sex for the first time is a nationwide trend, to the extent where we can no longer say 'at least it's not my kid.' "
Why are more and more girls having sex at younger and younger ages?
The simple answer is that sex has become trendy among junior high kids, and even those in the last couple of grades of elementary school.
"It feels like nothing but a game or a fashion for them," says Fusako Araki, who is in charge of puberty issues at the GS Clinic in Chiba Prefecture.
Young girls have told her that the number of times they have sex is an index of their worth in the eyes of their peers.
"They do it in such unsanitary places as karaoke cubicles," Araki says. "Too many of these kids don't have a lot of respect for their bodies."
The problem starts with the pressure to be cool. For low teens and even younger kids this pressure has never been more intense. A big part of being cool is wearing the right clothes and looking the right way. So fashion- and cosmetic- makers, recognizing this, have responded by marketing products exclusively to pre-adult age groups.
The result is that kids barely out of puberty are forced to look, and even act, not as kids but as "small adults," in the words of Shukan Bunshun.
"That interim period when girls actually look pubescent has become extremely short nowadays," says a 42-year-old teacher at a junior high school in Kanagawa Prefecture. "Yet at the same time, these kids are psychologically weaker than their counterparts have been in previous years." It's a dangerous imbalance, the teacher says, that creates a host of insecurities for the youngsters, including those concerning sex.
What these kids need, of course, is better advice and guidance. Unfortunately, they can't rely on their parents for that.
"Even though in Japan we know that children must be properly taught about sex, most parents just don't bother," says Yukio Takekawa, a member of the Children Sex Education Research Network. "If they're silent on the topic, believing that their kids will somehow just pick up the knowledge or hoping that the teachers do all the teaching, then the young girls will just take in all the information that is available out there, including all the misinformation. No wonder they're out of control."
The Japan Times: Dec. 26, 2004
(C) All rights reserved
21 January, 2005
F3ll0wsh1p of teh R1ng
[At Bilbo's 111th Birthday]
Merry: "Omg, I pwn"
Pippin: "Sif, I pwn"
**Rocket goes off
Gandalf: "Pwned!"
Bilbo: "This = shiz, bai foos"
Bilbo has left the server
Frodo: "***!?"
[later, in Bag End]
Gandalf: "Give teh ringz0r to Frodo"
Bilbo: "Sif! It r precious!"
Gandalf: "STFU NOOB!!!"
Bilbo: "ok"
Gandalf has logged on as admin
Bilbo has been kicked from The Shire
**Later
Gandalf: "Show me teh ring, foo!"
**Gandalf rides out, does some research, comes back
Gandalf: "OMGZ, it R teh ring!"
Frodo: "***?"
Gandalf has logged on as admin
Frodo has been kicked from The Shire
Sam has been kicked from The Shire
[At Isengard]
Gandalf: "sup dawg, i r g4nd4lf da gr3y!"
Saruman: "Foo! U R teh noob!"
Gandalf: "***?!"
Saruman: "Sauron pwns joo!"
Gandalf: "Sif, I R leet"
**Sarumon beats the **** out of Gandalf
Saruman: "Pwned!"
[on the road to Bree]
Merry: "look foos, shrooms!"
Pippin: "Woot! Shrooms!"
Frodo: "Ph34r!"
Sam: "Shrooms!"
Frodo: "PH34R!1!1"
**black rider stops, sniffs, goes past
Frodo: "OMG, packetloss!"
[Bree, in the Inn of the Prancing Pony]
**Frodo is drinking and dancing on a table, then slips
Frodo has left the server
Frodo has connected to the server
Frodo: "OMGz, dc'd"
Aragorn: "OMG, noobz"
[at Weathertop]
Merry: "Mmm, shrooms!"
**MERRY IS BROADCASTING HIS IP ADDRESS!!!
Frodo: "Foos! Ph34r teh haxorz"
**the black riders attack
Merry: "OMG!!!"
Sam: "O.M.G!!!11"
Pippin: "***"
Frodo has left the server
**head nazgul stabs Frodo's ghost
Frodo has connected to the server
Frodo: "***... hax!"
**Aragorn lraps into the fray with a flaming brand
Aragorn: "PH34r!!!!!!"
Merry: "LOLOL flamed! "
[on the road to Rivendell]
Aragorn: "ZOMG!Arwen!"
**Arwen rides up
Aragorn: "A/S/L? Wanna net secks?"
Arwen: "Sif! *** is up with Frodo?"
Sam: "teh leet Hax0r "
Arwen: "Firewall?"
**Arwen rides off with Frodo, the nazgul give chase. Arwen crosses the ford at Rivendell.
Arwen: "PH34R!! My dad pwns urs!"
**nazgul start to cross
Arwen: "LOLOLOLO noobs!!1!"
**the ford rises up and washes the nazgul away
Warning: Connection Problems Detected
nazgul has disconnected
nazgul has disconnected
nazgul has disconnected
nazgul has disconnected
nazgul has disconnected
nazgul has disconnected
nazgul has disconnected
Arwen: "Pwnt"
[at the Council of Elrond]
Gimli: "dwarves pwn!"
Legolas: "Sif, Elves pwn!"
Boromir: "OLOLOL noobs, men pwn!"
Elrond: "STFU tards!!1!"
**Frodo puts the ring on the plinth
Gimili: "Sif ring pwns all!"
**Gimli swings his axe at it, which shatters
Elrond: "**sigh, noob"
[Frodo meets up with Bilbo]
Bilbo: "OLOL, me = 10th level thief!"
Frodo: "OMG, u r teh pwn!"
Bilbo: "Do u still have teh ringz0r?"
**Frodo shows Bilbo the One Ring
Bilbo: "OMG u tard, I want to TK you!"
Frodo: "sif!"
Bilbo: "ph34r my mithril"
[The Fellowship leaves Rivendell]
**Gandalf leads the fellowship through the mountains
Legolas: "ZOMG, leet gfx!"
Gimli: "I R dropping frames! FFS"
**There's an avalanche which threatens to knock them off the shelf
Gimli: "Gandalf, teh draw distance is too far!1!!1"
Gandalf: "**Sigh. Moria?"
Gimli votes to change map to Moria
Votes 4 of 4 required
Legolas: "lolol Gimli, time to upgrade!"
[The fellowship approaches the gates of Moria]
Gandalf: "FFS, its too hard! Anyone got a walkthrough?"
**The gates of Mordor open, but the Guardian attacks!
Frodo: "OMG! ph34r!"
Boromir: "GL HF"
Aragorn [broadsword] guardian
Legolas [arrow] guardian
Gandalf: "gg"
[The fellowship enters the mines of Moria]
Gimli: "OMG!!!! PWNED!"
**After travelling some time in the dark the Fellowship come to a chamber with a large well
Gandalf: "teh bookz0r has some clues!"
**Merry knocks a skeleton in armour down the well
Gandalf: "OMG! noob!"
Merry: "d'oh"
**The fellowship hears the ork drums
Boromir: "***?"
Aragorn: "***?"
Frodo: "..."
Gandalf: "Oh ffs >.<"
**the fellowhip shores up the doors as the orks come
Boromir: "TEAMS FFS!"
Aragorn [broadsword] ork
Gimli [axe] ork
Legolas [arrow] ork
Aragorn [broadsword] ork
Aragorn [broadsword] ork
Boromir [broadsword] ork
Gimli [axe] ork
Gimli [axe] ork
ork: "OMG! h4x!"
Gimli: "pwned"!
Legolas [arrow] ork
Legolas [arrow] ork
Legolas: "lol!!"
Boromir [broadsword] ork
Gimli [axe] ork
Gimli: "Foos!"
Legolas [arrow] ork
ork: "ffs, wallhax!"
**The cavetroll enters the chambers destroying the doors
Gandalf: "Oh ffs!"
Boromir: "Omg, its teh boss!"
Aragorn: "Sif noob, we're not at teh end yet!"
**Cavetroll slams Boromir and Aragorn out of the way, and then skewers Frodo
Sam: "OMG!"
Gandalf: "OMG!"
Aragorn: "omg, pwn!"
**Legolas jumps on the cavetroll and shoots arrows down into its head
Legolas [arrow] cavetroll
Ork: "OMG! PWNED!"
Gimli: "LOLOOLOL! noobs"
**The fellowship then runs through Moria, chased the whole way by a horde of orks
Boromir: "FFS! Teams, foos!"
**A flaming shadow starts to follow them, and the orks withdraw
Aragorn: "Now THIS is teh boss!"
Gandalf: "OMG!"
**The fellowship take to long flights of stairs that are starting to crumble and fall. Orks shoot at them with arrows.
Legolas: "LOL, noobs. Chex0r this out!1!"
Legolas [arrow] ork
Legolas [arrow] ork
ork: "AIMBOT!"
ork: "turn it off!"
Legolas: "lolol!"
**The fellowship crosses a bridge, Gandalf stops to confront the balrog
Gandalf: "joo shall not pass!"
Balrog: "***?"
Gandalf: "JOO SHALL NOT PASS!"
Balrog: "Sif, noob"
**Gandalf strikes the bridge with his staff, cracking it and causing it to break under the Balrog's weight
Balrog: "ZOMG! PWNED!"
Frodo: "OMG! Gandalf!"
**The Balrog falls and in a last act of defiance strikes out with its whip, entangling Gandalf
Gandalf: "D'oh"
Frodo: "OMG, joo foo!"
Gandalf: "fly u foos, fly!"
**Gandalf lets go and follows the Balrog into the crevass
Gandalf has left the server
Balrog has disconnected
[After escaping Moria the fellowship finds itself in Loth Lorien]
**The fellowship rests, and in the night Frodo speaks with Galadriel
Galadriel: "For a noob, u r teh leet!"
Frodo: "Sif. I don't want teh ringz0r. Do u want teh ringz0r?"
Galadriel: "******! SIF I want teh ringz0r. I have enough h4x of my own!1"
[The fellowship leaves Loth Lorien and sets out via river]
Saurman: "ph34r my army of uruk hai! Go outz0r, find teh hobbitz and pwnz0r them!"
uruk hai: "leet!"
[stopping at the banks of the river, the Fellowship sets up camp]
**Frodo goes off looking for firewood, Boromir follows and confronts him
Boromir: "Gimmie teh ringz0r so ** hax can fight teh boss!"
Frodo: "Sif, foo. Punkbuster will pwn joo!"
Boromir: "Naw, we play on non-pb servers"
Frodo: "STFU noob"
Frodo has left the server
Boromir: "***! FRODO! Bring teh ringz0r back, faghat!"
**A group of Uruk Hai encounter Boromir
Boromir: "OH FFS, TEAMS!!"
Uruk Hai [arrow] Boromir
Uruk Hai [arrow] Boromir
Uruk Hai [arrow] Boromir
Uruk Hai [arrow] Boromir
Uruk Hai [arrow] Boromir
Uruk Hai [arrow] Boromir
Uruk Hai [arrow] Boromir
Uruk Hai [arrow] Boromir
Boromir: "****ing campers"
**Aragorn comes across the battle
Aragorn: "Boromir joo noob! ***!"
Uruk Hai: "Hah, pwn!"
Aragorn [broadsword] Uruk Hai
Aragorn: "I bring joo teh pwn!"
**Aragorn goes to Boromir
Boromir: "Damn lag!"
Warning: Connection problems detected
Boromir has disconnected
Aragorn: "FFS!"
[Frodo returns to the bank of the river where he gets into a boat. Sam 'sees' him]
Sam: "Frodo! ***! Invisibility h4x!"
Frodo has connected to the server
Frodo: "Sam, STFU and FOAD!"
Sam: "Sif!"
Frodo: "Oh, ffs n00b!"
At the end, when frodo destroys the ring:
Sauron: I see jo0!!
**Frodo drops teh Ringz0r in mnT D00m!!
Sauron: OMG PWND!
Frodo: 0wnAge!!1!
Ringz0r has been disconnected from the server.
Ork army: Nooo0h! PWND?!!?!
Ork has been disconnected from the server.
Ork has been disconnected from the server.
Ork has been disconnected from the server.
Ork has been disconnected from the server.
Ork has been disconnected from the server.
Ork has been disconnected from the server.
Ork has been disconnected from the server.
Ork has been disconnected from the server.
Ork has been disconnected from the server.
Ork has been disconnected from the server.
Ork has been disconnected from the server.
Ork has been disconnected from the server.
3Nd!!!!11
Merry: "Omg, I pwn"
Pippin: "Sif, I pwn"
**Rocket goes off
Gandalf: "Pwned!"
Bilbo: "This = shiz, bai foos"
Bilbo has left the server
Frodo: "***!?"
[later, in Bag End]
Gandalf: "Give teh ringz0r to Frodo"
Bilbo: "Sif! It r precious!"
Gandalf: "STFU NOOB!!!"
Bilbo: "ok"
Gandalf has logged on as admin
Bilbo has been kicked from The Shire
**Later
Gandalf: "Show me teh ring, foo!"
**Gandalf rides out, does some research, comes back
Gandalf: "OMGZ, it R teh ring!"
Frodo: "***?"
Gandalf has logged on as admin
Frodo has been kicked from The Shire
Sam has been kicked from The Shire
[At Isengard]
Gandalf: "sup dawg, i r g4nd4lf da gr3y!"
Saruman: "Foo! U R teh noob!"
Gandalf: "***?!"
Saruman: "Sauron pwns joo!"
Gandalf: "Sif, I R leet"
**Sarumon beats the **** out of Gandalf
Saruman: "Pwned!"
[on the road to Bree]
Merry: "look foos, shrooms!"
Pippin: "Woot! Shrooms!"
Frodo: "Ph34r!"
Sam: "Shrooms!"
Frodo: "PH34R!1!1"
**black rider stops, sniffs, goes past
Frodo: "OMG, packetloss!"
[Bree, in the Inn of the Prancing Pony]
**Frodo is drinking and dancing on a table, then slips
Frodo has left the server
Frodo has connected to the server
Frodo: "OMGz, dc'd"
Aragorn: "OMG, noobz"
[at Weathertop]
Merry: "Mmm, shrooms!"
**MERRY IS BROADCASTING HIS IP ADDRESS!!!
Frodo: "Foos! Ph34r teh haxorz"
**the black riders attack
Merry: "OMG!!!"
Sam: "O.M.G!!!11"
Pippin: "***"
Frodo has left the server
**head nazgul stabs Frodo's ghost
Frodo has connected to the server
Frodo: "***... hax!"
**Aragorn lraps into the fray with a flaming brand
Aragorn: "PH34r!!!!!!"
Merry: "LOLOL flamed! "
[on the road to Rivendell]
Aragorn: "ZOMG!Arwen!"
**Arwen rides up
Aragorn: "A/S/L? Wanna net secks?"
Arwen: "Sif! *** is up with Frodo?"
Sam: "teh leet Hax0r "
Arwen: "Firewall?"
**Arwen rides off with Frodo, the nazgul give chase. Arwen crosses the ford at Rivendell.
Arwen: "PH34R!! My dad pwns urs!"
**nazgul start to cross
Arwen: "LOLOLOLO noobs!!1!"
**the ford rises up and washes the nazgul away
Warning: Connection Problems Detected
nazgul has disconnected
nazgul has disconnected
nazgul has disconnected
nazgul has disconnected
nazgul has disconnected
nazgul has disconnected
nazgul has disconnected
Arwen: "Pwnt"
[at the Council of Elrond]
Gimli: "dwarves pwn!"
Legolas: "Sif, Elves pwn!"
Boromir: "OLOLOL noobs, men pwn!"
Elrond: "STFU tards!!1!"
**Frodo puts the ring on the plinth
Gimili: "Sif ring pwns all!"
**Gimli swings his axe at it, which shatters
Elrond: "**sigh, noob"
[Frodo meets up with Bilbo]
Bilbo: "OLOL, me = 10th level thief!"
Frodo: "OMG, u r teh pwn!"
Bilbo: "Do u still have teh ringz0r?"
**Frodo shows Bilbo the One Ring
Bilbo: "OMG u tard, I want to TK you!"
Frodo: "sif!"
Bilbo: "ph34r my mithril"
[The Fellowship leaves Rivendell]
**Gandalf leads the fellowship through the mountains
Legolas: "ZOMG, leet gfx!"
Gimli: "I R dropping frames! FFS"
**There's an avalanche which threatens to knock them off the shelf
Gimli: "Gandalf, teh draw distance is too far!1!!1"
Gandalf: "**Sigh. Moria?"
Gimli votes to change map to Moria
Votes 4 of 4 required
Legolas: "lolol Gimli, time to upgrade!"
[The fellowship approaches the gates of Moria]
Gandalf: "FFS, its too hard! Anyone got a walkthrough?"
**The gates of Mordor open, but the Guardian attacks!
Frodo: "OMG! ph34r!"
Boromir: "GL HF"
Aragorn [broadsword] guardian
Legolas [arrow] guardian
Gandalf: "gg"
[The fellowship enters the mines of Moria]
Gimli: "OMG!!!! PWNED!"
**After travelling some time in the dark the Fellowship come to a chamber with a large well
Gandalf: "teh bookz0r has some clues!"
**Merry knocks a skeleton in armour down the well
Gandalf: "OMG! noob!"
Merry: "d'oh"
**The fellowship hears the ork drums
Boromir: "***?"
Aragorn: "***?"
Frodo: "..."
Gandalf: "Oh ffs >.<"
**the fellowhip shores up the doors as the orks come
Boromir: "TEAMS FFS!"
Aragorn [broadsword] ork
Gimli [axe] ork
Legolas [arrow] ork
Aragorn [broadsword] ork
Aragorn [broadsword] ork
Boromir [broadsword] ork
Gimli [axe] ork
Gimli [axe] ork
ork: "OMG! h4x!"
Gimli: "pwned"!
Legolas [arrow] ork
Legolas [arrow] ork
Legolas: "lol!!"
Boromir [broadsword] ork
Gimli [axe] ork
Gimli: "Foos!"
Legolas [arrow] ork
ork: "ffs, wallhax!"
**The cavetroll enters the chambers destroying the doors
Gandalf: "Oh ffs!"
Boromir: "Omg, its teh boss!"
Aragorn: "Sif noob, we're not at teh end yet!"
**Cavetroll slams Boromir and Aragorn out of the way, and then skewers Frodo
Sam: "OMG!"
Gandalf: "OMG!"
Aragorn: "omg, pwn!"
**Legolas jumps on the cavetroll and shoots arrows down into its head
Legolas [arrow] cavetroll
Ork: "OMG! PWNED!"
Gimli: "LOLOOLOL! noobs"
**The fellowship then runs through Moria, chased the whole way by a horde of orks
Boromir: "FFS! Teams, foos!"
**A flaming shadow starts to follow them, and the orks withdraw
Aragorn: "Now THIS is teh boss!"
Gandalf: "OMG!"
**The fellowship take to long flights of stairs that are starting to crumble and fall. Orks shoot at them with arrows.
Legolas: "LOL, noobs. Chex0r this out!1!"
Legolas [arrow] ork
Legolas [arrow] ork
ork: "AIMBOT!"
ork: "turn it off!"
Legolas: "lolol!"
**The fellowship crosses a bridge, Gandalf stops to confront the balrog
Gandalf: "joo shall not pass!"
Balrog: "***?"
Gandalf: "JOO SHALL NOT PASS!"
Balrog: "Sif, noob"
**Gandalf strikes the bridge with his staff, cracking it and causing it to break under the Balrog's weight
Balrog: "ZOMG! PWNED!"
Frodo: "OMG! Gandalf!"
**The Balrog falls and in a last act of defiance strikes out with its whip, entangling Gandalf
Gandalf: "D'oh"
Frodo: "OMG, joo foo!"
Gandalf: "fly u foos, fly!"
**Gandalf lets go and follows the Balrog into the crevass
Gandalf has left the server
Balrog has disconnected
[After escaping Moria the fellowship finds itself in Loth Lorien]
**The fellowship rests, and in the night Frodo speaks with Galadriel
Galadriel: "For a noob, u r teh leet!"
Frodo: "Sif. I don't want teh ringz0r. Do u want teh ringz0r?"
Galadriel: "******! SIF I want teh ringz0r. I have enough h4x of my own!1"
[The fellowship leaves Loth Lorien and sets out via river]
Saurman: "ph34r my army of uruk hai! Go outz0r, find teh hobbitz and pwnz0r them!"
uruk hai: "leet!"
[stopping at the banks of the river, the Fellowship sets up camp]
**Frodo goes off looking for firewood, Boromir follows and confronts him
Boromir: "Gimmie teh ringz0r so ** hax can fight teh boss!"
Frodo: "Sif, foo. Punkbuster will pwn joo!"
Boromir: "Naw, we play on non-pb servers"
Frodo: "STFU noob"
Frodo has left the server
Boromir: "***! FRODO! Bring teh ringz0r back, faghat!"
**A group of Uruk Hai encounter Boromir
Boromir: "OH FFS, TEAMS!!"
Uruk Hai [arrow] Boromir
Uruk Hai [arrow] Boromir
Uruk Hai [arrow] Boromir
Uruk Hai [arrow] Boromir
Uruk Hai [arrow] Boromir
Uruk Hai [arrow] Boromir
Uruk Hai [arrow] Boromir
Uruk Hai [arrow] Boromir
Boromir: "****ing campers"
**Aragorn comes across the battle
Aragorn: "Boromir joo noob! ***!"
Uruk Hai: "Hah, pwn!"
Aragorn [broadsword] Uruk Hai
Aragorn: "I bring joo teh pwn!"
**Aragorn goes to Boromir
Boromir: "Damn lag!"
Warning: Connection problems detected
Boromir has disconnected
Aragorn: "FFS!"
[Frodo returns to the bank of the river where he gets into a boat. Sam 'sees' him]
Sam: "Frodo! ***! Invisibility h4x!"
Frodo has connected to the server
Frodo: "Sam, STFU and FOAD!"
Sam: "Sif!"
Frodo: "Oh, ffs n00b!"
At the end, when frodo destroys the ring:
Sauron: I see jo0!!
**Frodo drops teh Ringz0r in mnT D00m!!
Sauron: OMG PWND!
Frodo: 0wnAge!!1!
Ringz0r has been disconnected from the server.
Ork army: Nooo0h! PWND?!!?!
Ork has been disconnected from the server.
Ork has been disconnected from the server.
Ork has been disconnected from the server.
Ork has been disconnected from the server.
Ork has been disconnected from the server.
Ork has been disconnected from the server.
Ork has been disconnected from the server.
Ork has been disconnected from the server.
Ork has been disconnected from the server.
Ork has been disconnected from the server.
Ork has been disconnected from the server.
Ork has been disconnected from the server.
3Nd!!!!11
18 January, 2005
14 January, 2005
Monologo de La Tuna
¿Saben cual es la diferencia entre los Premios Nobel y los Premios Cervantes?
Pues que en los Premios Cervantes actúa la tuna, esta es nuestra aportación a la cultura universal: Mozita dame el clavel, dame el clavel de tu boca, que pa eso no hay que tener mucha verguenza, ni poca ¿Hay o no hay nivel?
Pero claro como la tuna viene de la Edad Media, dicen que es cultura; también viene de la Edad Media la peste negra y no la metemos en las bodas. Yo tengo un amigo tuno, una desgracia como otra cualquiera, pero mi amigo Bermejo me dijo que se metió en la tuna para ligar, yo la verdad no lo entiendo cómo va a ligar un tío tocando la bandurria y disfrazado como el principe de Beuckelaur. Un día, entró su padre en la habitación y le pilló poniéndose unas medias negras: Hijo mío, ¿que te pasa? ¿Por que te pones medias? ¿Has salido del armario? No, papá es que me hecho tuno. ¡Joder, ahora si que mes has dado un disgusto, hostia! Es como si les hiciesen una lobotomia, porque a partir de entonces mi amigo Bermejo ya no fue el mismo; un dia voy a clase, y me lo encuentro en calzoncillos, tocando la bandurria, y rodeado de gente que le lanzaba cubos de agua, pero el tío feliz, ¿eh? Yo coño, Bermejo, te ayudo?. no déjalo Manel, es que es mi bautizo de tuno . Si te tiran cubos de agua en el bautizo no me quiero imaginar como serán las hostias de la comunión, igual te las da Poli Díaz.
Pero con lo ilusionado que está, como le vas a decir que lo de la tuna es un coñazo. Tu te vas a Segovia a ver el acueducto, a comerte un cochinillo ;tu estás tan feliz en el restaurante, y de repente oyes: ticiticiclin , coño, la tuna,y enseguida entra un tío gordo con barba, que se pone colorao y empieza: Mozitaaaa dame el clavel , pues ya me ha jodido el cochinillo, porque como vas a comer a gusto con un tío dando brincos a tu lado tocando la pandereta y bailando como el negro de los boney M, porque claro esto al principio empieza normal pero de repente le entran los picores, las convulsiones ,y al final parece que le vaya a salir un alien de dentro. Pero bueno, ¡que le pasa a este hombre? ¿Es así o es que está nervioso? Vamos yo no me imagino a este tío afeitándose.
Pero es peor cuando te encuentras a la tuna en la calle, porque ahí también está el de la bandera, otro que tal baila; el de la bandera es un tío que no sabe tocar ningún instrumento, pero que tiene tantas ganas de dar el coñazo como los demás. Y es que la tuna es como una plaga, o sea, tu estás en una boda y de repente: Mozitaaa dáme un clavel... .Te vas, yo que se a Australia, a cambiar de aires...y de repente, ticiticilin, doblas la esquina y: Mozitaaa dáme el clavel... .Hasta si tienes una vecina que esté buena, una noche estás durmiendo, y de repente:
Mozitaaaa dáme el clavel... que te dan ganas de decirle, ¡Mozita!¡A ver si le das el clavel de una puta vez ,a ver si se callan!
Pero mi experiencia con la tuna, fue más allá. Un día me viene Bermejo y me suelta: Manel, ¿Tu me quieres? . Ya sabía yo que tanto pololo era por algo . No, no en serio, Manel, es que mañana tenemos una actuación en la tele, se nos ha puesto un miembro con paperas...tu solo tendrás que hacer bulto.
¿Tuno, yo? Estuve por partirle la bandurria en la cabeza, pero al final fui, porque un amigo es un amigo, aunque sea tuno. Y claro, Bermejo, me explicó que la clave para parecer tuno es el balanceo. Que yo me pregunto, ¿Por qué se balancean? ¿Por que van borrachos? ¿O van borrachos para balancearse? Ya me veis a mi, en el programa de la Campos, balanceandome, y claro como yo no cantaba, me dio por analizar la letra de las canciones. Yo creía que solo pedían el clavel, pero no, hay una que dice: Ese lunar que tienes cielito lindo junto a la boca, no se lo des a nadie, cielito lindo, que a mi me toca . Luego dice: Ay, ay, ay. ay .¡Coño! Le están arrancando el lunar y encima dice: Canta y no llores bueno, pero la que más me impactó fue esa que dice: Deja que te ponga la mantilla blanca, deja que te ponga la mantilla azul, deja que te ponga la de colorado, deja que te ponga, la que sabes tu. . Está claro, a estos tíos lo que les gusta es ponerse a jugar a las muñecas. Si quieres hacer feliz a un tuno, regálale la Barbie Bandurria.
En fin, que visto lo visto, podríamos decir que los tunos son como los holligans, pero en leotardos, o sea son todo tíos, van vestidos de mamarrachos, van mamados y no paran de dar voces; pero bueno tienen una ventaja respecto a los holligans, los tunos, que les das dinero y se van.
Buenas noches
Pues que en los Premios Cervantes actúa la tuna, esta es nuestra aportación a la cultura universal: Mozita dame el clavel, dame el clavel de tu boca, que pa eso no hay que tener mucha verguenza, ni poca ¿Hay o no hay nivel?
Pero claro como la tuna viene de la Edad Media, dicen que es cultura; también viene de la Edad Media la peste negra y no la metemos en las bodas. Yo tengo un amigo tuno, una desgracia como otra cualquiera, pero mi amigo Bermejo me dijo que se metió en la tuna para ligar, yo la verdad no lo entiendo cómo va a ligar un tío tocando la bandurria y disfrazado como el principe de Beuckelaur. Un día, entró su padre en la habitación y le pilló poniéndose unas medias negras: Hijo mío, ¿que te pasa? ¿Por que te pones medias? ¿Has salido del armario? No, papá es que me hecho tuno. ¡Joder, ahora si que mes has dado un disgusto, hostia! Es como si les hiciesen una lobotomia, porque a partir de entonces mi amigo Bermejo ya no fue el mismo; un dia voy a clase, y me lo encuentro en calzoncillos, tocando la bandurria, y rodeado de gente que le lanzaba cubos de agua, pero el tío feliz, ¿eh? Yo coño, Bermejo, te ayudo?. no déjalo Manel, es que es mi bautizo de tuno . Si te tiran cubos de agua en el bautizo no me quiero imaginar como serán las hostias de la comunión, igual te las da Poli Díaz.
Pero con lo ilusionado que está, como le vas a decir que lo de la tuna es un coñazo. Tu te vas a Segovia a ver el acueducto, a comerte un cochinillo ;tu estás tan feliz en el restaurante, y de repente oyes: ticiticiclin , coño, la tuna,y enseguida entra un tío gordo con barba, que se pone colorao y empieza: Mozitaaaa dame el clavel , pues ya me ha jodido el cochinillo, porque como vas a comer a gusto con un tío dando brincos a tu lado tocando la pandereta y bailando como el negro de los boney M, porque claro esto al principio empieza normal pero de repente le entran los picores, las convulsiones ,y al final parece que le vaya a salir un alien de dentro. Pero bueno, ¡que le pasa a este hombre? ¿Es así o es que está nervioso? Vamos yo no me imagino a este tío afeitándose.
Pero es peor cuando te encuentras a la tuna en la calle, porque ahí también está el de la bandera, otro que tal baila; el de la bandera es un tío que no sabe tocar ningún instrumento, pero que tiene tantas ganas de dar el coñazo como los demás. Y es que la tuna es como una plaga, o sea, tu estás en una boda y de repente: Mozitaaa dáme un clavel... .Te vas, yo que se a Australia, a cambiar de aires...y de repente, ticiticilin, doblas la esquina y: Mozitaaa dáme el clavel... .Hasta si tienes una vecina que esté buena, una noche estás durmiendo, y de repente:
Mozitaaaa dáme el clavel... que te dan ganas de decirle, ¡Mozita!¡A ver si le das el clavel de una puta vez ,a ver si se callan!
Pero mi experiencia con la tuna, fue más allá. Un día me viene Bermejo y me suelta: Manel, ¿Tu me quieres? . Ya sabía yo que tanto pololo era por algo . No, no en serio, Manel, es que mañana tenemos una actuación en la tele, se nos ha puesto un miembro con paperas...tu solo tendrás que hacer bulto.
¿Tuno, yo? Estuve por partirle la bandurria en la cabeza, pero al final fui, porque un amigo es un amigo, aunque sea tuno. Y claro, Bermejo, me explicó que la clave para parecer tuno es el balanceo. Que yo me pregunto, ¿Por qué se balancean? ¿Por que van borrachos? ¿O van borrachos para balancearse? Ya me veis a mi, en el programa de la Campos, balanceandome, y claro como yo no cantaba, me dio por analizar la letra de las canciones. Yo creía que solo pedían el clavel, pero no, hay una que dice: Ese lunar que tienes cielito lindo junto a la boca, no se lo des a nadie, cielito lindo, que a mi me toca . Luego dice: Ay, ay, ay. ay .¡Coño! Le están arrancando el lunar y encima dice: Canta y no llores bueno, pero la que más me impactó fue esa que dice: Deja que te ponga la mantilla blanca, deja que te ponga la mantilla azul, deja que te ponga la de colorado, deja que te ponga, la que sabes tu. . Está claro, a estos tíos lo que les gusta es ponerse a jugar a las muñecas. Si quieres hacer feliz a un tuno, regálale la Barbie Bandurria.
En fin, que visto lo visto, podríamos decir que los tunos son como los holligans, pero en leotardos, o sea son todo tíos, van vestidos de mamarrachos, van mamados y no paran de dar voces; pero bueno tienen una ventaja respecto a los holligans, los tunos, que les das dinero y se van.
Buenas noches
01 January, 2005
100 Things i learnt from hentai
If she blushes, she wants it.
"No" means "Yes."
"Yes" means "f*ck me right here, right now!"
"f*ck me right here, right now!" means it's a dream sequence.
"Not yet" means "Wait until the next scene."
Legal age in Japan is three.
No matter how hot a girl is, she's always hotter if she grows a dick.
All sex is good sex.
It isn't great sex unless it's rape.
It isn't great rape unless it involves tentacles.
Either way, rape gtecnicallyh doesn't exits; any forced sex act takes 30 seconds to one minute for the woman to begin enjoying it and begging for more.
A powerful piece of futuristic battle armor that is armed to the teeth and protects its (always female) wearer from the rigors of space travel, spine-shattering impacts and laser blasts is no match for a determined set of hands and/or a set of tentacles.
Never underestimate the power of lust.
The best place to get laid is on a train.
The next best place to get laid is at a high school, usually the roof.
Hospitals and public parks tie for third place.
All demons want sex. Everything else is secondary.
Blackmail is foreplay.
The male p*nis is at least a foot long, two-three inches thick and always curves up. It is almost always invisible, glowing, or otherwise distorted from view.
The female p*nis follows these same rules but usually isn't as long.
The hero sometimes gets the girl.
The heroine almost always gets the girl.
The heroine rarely gets the guy (usually because she's getting the girl).
The hero will never show up until after the girl has gotten raped.
The heroine is usually busy getting raped but don't worry, she's about to free herself.
Any being with the power to prevent a rape from occurring will not do so.
The p*nis is the world's most effective gag and is completely safe from harm since the woman never, ever bites.
A good-looking guy will usually score with a nice looking girl.
A good-looking girl will always score with someone (male, female, attractive, ugly, sober, drunk, etc.).
A guy who can suddenly turn into a girl will inevitably get lots of sex, mostly girls but some guys, too.
A girl who suddenly grows a p*nis will become deluged with dozens of female admirers who will all want to score with her.
A girly-looking guy who dresses in girls' clothing will never be laughed at or ostracized by his peers. Instead, he will get more sex than he could ever want from just about every woman he meets. Double this amount if he's still in high school.
All females are bisexual, if they claim not to be just put them in a romantic situation with another woman and watch what happens.
Anything can be used as a sexual implement.
If it disgusts you, rest assured that someone, somewhere is getting off on it.
Lesbians are hot.
Cat-girls are hot.
Miko are hot.
Maids are hot.
Nuns are hot.
School girls are hot.
Teachers are hot.
Nurses are hot.
Senshi are hot.
Hermaphrodites are hot.
Prostitutes are rare. After all, why pay when you can take?
The school janitor is not your friend.
The principal is not your friend.
The male coach is not your friend.
The school nurse is usually your friend.
The vice-principal is probably evil.
The scruffy-looking guy in the white lab coat is never your friend.
If it's an all-girl's school, forget it. Everyone is either evil, possessed or about to be. And the innocent ones won't stay that way for long.
Sex with your mom is acceptable.
Sex with your sister is acceptable (and expected if you're a guy that can turn into a girl).
Sex with your brother is probably mandatory at least once in the story, if you're female.
Sex with your father is just plain icky.
Sex with the family dog... Don't be too surprised.
Bigger breasts are better breasts.
If at first you don't succeed, try chloroform.
Even plants need luvin'.
Sex is very wet and very messy.
All women spurt.
All men can perform multiple times in rapid succession without rest.
There are no STDs or pregnancy (the story just doesn't last that long).
A happily married woman will wind up having sex with just about everyone but her husband.
A happily married husband is either not at home or about to die.
Any genre is a good genre for sex.
Any setting is a good setting for sex.
Being an outrageous party animal will get you laid.
Hell, just being female will get you laid (as long as you're pretty).
Shy, wallflower virgins are sex crazed nymphos waiting to be awakened by their first sex act.
Female teachers are the horniest, randiest, and most sex crazed women in the world.
All males will have sex with at least 3 women before they finally have sex with the woman they love or desire most.
Ugly or fat chicks are as rare as prostitutes. Maybe there's a correlation?
A thin black line, no wider than a toothpick, is all the censorship you will ever need.
A person masturbating will usually be caught. This will always lead to sex.
Convenient peep-holes to spy on sexual acts are everywhere.
All men are capable of dispensing a gallon of semen per scene.
All demons are capable of dispensing hundreds of gallons of semen no matter how many times they have ejaculated before hand.
No piece of clothing a woman wears is more durable than tissue.
Panties do not have to be removed. Instead, they can simply be pushed to one side. They apparently act as a sort of lubricant.
A woman can stretch her mouth to accept any p*nis of any size.
A woman, no matter how inexperienced, can give a expert blow job. (also known as the Snake Jaw Effect)
A woman can take a penis of any size, even if they are 13 year old virgins, a demon with a 2 foot long, 10 in in diameter penis can enter her and she will enjoy it.
The size of the female bust is indirectly propornate to their age. In other other words the younger a girl is the larger her breasts are. (also known as the Lina Inverse effect)
The standard duties of any female employee (usually nurses, maids, teachers and secretaries) include sex, rough sex and rape.
No matter their injuries, patients in hospitals will get laid. This is part of their treatment.
The size of the female bust is indirectly propornate to their age. In other other words the younger a girl is the larger her breasts are. (also known as the Lina Inverse effect)
The standard duties of any female employee (usually nurses, maids, teachers and secretaries) include sex, rough sex and rape.
No matter their injuries, patients in hospitals will get laid. This is part of their treatment.
Utterly terrified women will hold a pose so sexy that a dead man would get a hard-on.
Expect more conversation to occur during sex than any other time.
Every woman emits a raise-the-dead howl at the moment of orgasm -- every time.
All orgasms last 30 seconds to a minute, they are the greatest thing ever, and are multiple for females.
A woman will either swallow semen or enjoy it landing on its body or face, this also elicits a orgasms in many cases.
Sex partners always reach orgasm as precisely the same moment.
No one ever fumbles anything during sex, even if both participants are complete virgins.
All female cyborgs, robots, and androids are 100% anatomically correct and ready, willing and able to have sex.
Complete annihilation of entire cities or cultures is a small price to pay for really good sex.
Portions of the female body will often become completely transparent during sex. This enables the camera to capture every available angle.
The male body is often translucent during sex. After all, why block the view?
Quite often, men do not have discernible features or even eyes. This does not interfere with their ability to find women.
All women enjoy anal sex. All women.
The new girl in town is always easy.
All doctors perform strange sexual experiments on the side.
Any fight between two females will, given time, degenerate into lesbian sex.
"No" means "Yes."
"Yes" means "f*ck me right here, right now!"
"f*ck me right here, right now!" means it's a dream sequence.
"Not yet" means "Wait until the next scene."
Legal age in Japan is three.
No matter how hot a girl is, she's always hotter if she grows a dick.
All sex is good sex.
It isn't great sex unless it's rape.
It isn't great rape unless it involves tentacles.
Either way, rape gtecnicallyh doesn't exits; any forced sex act takes 30 seconds to one minute for the woman to begin enjoying it and begging for more.
A powerful piece of futuristic battle armor that is armed to the teeth and protects its (always female) wearer from the rigors of space travel, spine-shattering impacts and laser blasts is no match for a determined set of hands and/or a set of tentacles.
Never underestimate the power of lust.
The best place to get laid is on a train.
The next best place to get laid is at a high school, usually the roof.
Hospitals and public parks tie for third place.
All demons want sex. Everything else is secondary.
Blackmail is foreplay.
The male p*nis is at least a foot long, two-three inches thick and always curves up. It is almost always invisible, glowing, or otherwise distorted from view.
The female p*nis follows these same rules but usually isn't as long.
The hero sometimes gets the girl.
The heroine almost always gets the girl.
The heroine rarely gets the guy (usually because she's getting the girl).
The hero will never show up until after the girl has gotten raped.
The heroine is usually busy getting raped but don't worry, she's about to free herself.
Any being with the power to prevent a rape from occurring will not do so.
The p*nis is the world's most effective gag and is completely safe from harm since the woman never, ever bites.
A good-looking guy will usually score with a nice looking girl.
A good-looking girl will always score with someone (male, female, attractive, ugly, sober, drunk, etc.).
A guy who can suddenly turn into a girl will inevitably get lots of sex, mostly girls but some guys, too.
A girl who suddenly grows a p*nis will become deluged with dozens of female admirers who will all want to score with her.
A girly-looking guy who dresses in girls' clothing will never be laughed at or ostracized by his peers. Instead, he will get more sex than he could ever want from just about every woman he meets. Double this amount if he's still in high school.
All females are bisexual, if they claim not to be just put them in a romantic situation with another woman and watch what happens.
Anything can be used as a sexual implement.
If it disgusts you, rest assured that someone, somewhere is getting off on it.
Lesbians are hot.
Cat-girls are hot.
Miko are hot.
Maids are hot.
Nuns are hot.
School girls are hot.
Teachers are hot.
Nurses are hot.
Senshi are hot.
Hermaphrodites are hot.
Prostitutes are rare. After all, why pay when you can take?
The school janitor is not your friend.
The principal is not your friend.
The male coach is not your friend.
The school nurse is usually your friend.
The vice-principal is probably evil.
The scruffy-looking guy in the white lab coat is never your friend.
If it's an all-girl's school, forget it. Everyone is either evil, possessed or about to be. And the innocent ones won't stay that way for long.
Sex with your mom is acceptable.
Sex with your sister is acceptable (and expected if you're a guy that can turn into a girl).
Sex with your brother is probably mandatory at least once in the story, if you're female.
Sex with your father is just plain icky.
Sex with the family dog... Don't be too surprised.
Bigger breasts are better breasts.
If at first you don't succeed, try chloroform.
Even plants need luvin'.
Sex is very wet and very messy.
All women spurt.
All men can perform multiple times in rapid succession without rest.
There are no STDs or pregnancy (the story just doesn't last that long).
A happily married woman will wind up having sex with just about everyone but her husband.
A happily married husband is either not at home or about to die.
Any genre is a good genre for sex.
Any setting is a good setting for sex.
Being an outrageous party animal will get you laid.
Hell, just being female will get you laid (as long as you're pretty).
Shy, wallflower virgins are sex crazed nymphos waiting to be awakened by their first sex act.
Female teachers are the horniest, randiest, and most sex crazed women in the world.
All males will have sex with at least 3 women before they finally have sex with the woman they love or desire most.
Ugly or fat chicks are as rare as prostitutes. Maybe there's a correlation?
A thin black line, no wider than a toothpick, is all the censorship you will ever need.
A person masturbating will usually be caught. This will always lead to sex.
Convenient peep-holes to spy on sexual acts are everywhere.
All men are capable of dispensing a gallon of semen per scene.
All demons are capable of dispensing hundreds of gallons of semen no matter how many times they have ejaculated before hand.
No piece of clothing a woman wears is more durable than tissue.
Panties do not have to be removed. Instead, they can simply be pushed to one side. They apparently act as a sort of lubricant.
A woman can stretch her mouth to accept any p*nis of any size.
A woman, no matter how inexperienced, can give a expert blow job. (also known as the Snake Jaw Effect)
A woman can take a penis of any size, even if they are 13 year old virgins, a demon with a 2 foot long, 10 in in diameter penis can enter her and she will enjoy it.
The size of the female bust is indirectly propornate to their age. In other other words the younger a girl is the larger her breasts are. (also known as the Lina Inverse effect)
The standard duties of any female employee (usually nurses, maids, teachers and secretaries) include sex, rough sex and rape.
No matter their injuries, patients in hospitals will get laid. This is part of their treatment.
The size of the female bust is indirectly propornate to their age. In other other words the younger a girl is the larger her breasts are. (also known as the Lina Inverse effect)
The standard duties of any female employee (usually nurses, maids, teachers and secretaries) include sex, rough sex and rape.
No matter their injuries, patients in hospitals will get laid. This is part of their treatment.
Utterly terrified women will hold a pose so sexy that a dead man would get a hard-on.
Expect more conversation to occur during sex than any other time.
Every woman emits a raise-the-dead howl at the moment of orgasm -- every time.
All orgasms last 30 seconds to a minute, they are the greatest thing ever, and are multiple for females.
A woman will either swallow semen or enjoy it landing on its body or face, this also elicits a orgasms in many cases.
Sex partners always reach orgasm as precisely the same moment.
No one ever fumbles anything during sex, even if both participants are complete virgins.
All female cyborgs, robots, and androids are 100% anatomically correct and ready, willing and able to have sex.
Complete annihilation of entire cities or cultures is a small price to pay for really good sex.
Portions of the female body will often become completely transparent during sex. This enables the camera to capture every available angle.
The male body is often translucent during sex. After all, why block the view?
Quite often, men do not have discernible features or even eyes. This does not interfere with their ability to find women.
All women enjoy anal sex. All women.
The new girl in town is always easy.
All doctors perform strange sexual experiments on the side.
Any fight between two females will, given time, degenerate into lesbian sex.
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