24 September, 2008

School Answering Machine

This is hilarious – no wonder some of the people were offended.

This is the message that the Pacific Palisades High School California staff voted unanimously to record on their school telephone answering machine.

This is the actual answering machine message for the school.

This came about because they implemented a policy requiring students and parents to be responsible for their children’s absences and missing homework.

The school and teachers are being sued by parents who want their children’s failing grades changed to passing grades – even though those children were absent 15-30 times during the semester and did not complete enough school work to pass their classes.

The outgoing message:

Hello! You have reached the automated answering service of your school. In order to assist you in connecting to the right staff member, please listen to all the options before making a selection.

To lie about why your child is absent – Press 1

To make excuses for why your child did not do their work – Press 2

To complain about what we do – Press 3

To swear at staff members – Press 4

To ask why you didn’t get information that was already enclosed in your newsletter and several flyers mailed to you – Press 5

If you want us to raise your child – Press 6

If you want to reach out and touch, slap or hit someone – Press 7

To complain about bus transportation – Press 8

To complain about school lunches – Press 9

Press 0 if you realize this is the real world and your child must be accountable and responsible for their own behavior, class work, homework and that it’s not the teachers’ fault for your child’s lack of effort: Hang up and have a nice day!

If you want this in Spanish, move to a country that speaks it!

10 September, 2008

LA QUINTA ESTACION - ASí ERES



Las rosas muertas
Me esperan frente al espejo
Regalan belleza con un color añejo
Querer terminar con lo que soy y poder olvidar
Bajo tierra o en la ceniza se que me abrazara
Abrir mis cadenas de fría arena
Ver el aire y rasgar mis venas.

Así sientes
Así lloras
Así tienes tu dolor
Así eres
Así piensas
Así olvidas tu dolor

Vida porque
No puedo sentir no
No tengo perdón por existir
Vida solo tu sabes bien lo que te quiero decir
Abrir mis cadenas de fría arena
Ver el aire y rasgar mis venas.

Así sientes
Así lloras
Así tienes tu dolor
Así eres
Así piensas
Así olvidas tu dolor

Así sientes
Así lloras
Así tienes tu dolor
Así eres
Así piensas
Así olvidas tu dolor

Así sientes
Así lloras
Así tienes tu dolor
Así eres
Así piensas
Así olvidas tu dolor

08 September, 2008

Figlio Perduto

Figlio Perduto, one of the most impressive, beautiful songs ever composed. It was written by Ludwig van Beethoven, lyrics by Chiara Ferrau, sung by Sarah Brighman.




El Hijo Perdido

Muros de viento
La Noche ha caido...
El Padre y el hijo van juntos...

En un caballo
Ellos van
A través de la intensa oscuridad...

Pero de pronto
El niño comienza a temblar
Con miedo
Tiene frio...

Padre, Oh Padre...
Tu no has visto
El Rey de los Elfos
Aquí está...

Hijo perdido
¿Quieres jugar?
Yo te traigo el gozo
Ven conmigo...

Padre, Oh Padre...
¿Has escuchado lo que el dijo?
¿Y lo que el hará?

Hijo perdido
Si tu no vienes conmigo
Yo usaré el poder que poseo...

Padre, oh Padre...
El Rey de los Elfos
Está tocándome
El me lastima...

Y el niño...
Con los ojos cerrados
No se mueve...
El está totalmente perdido...

Hijo
Hijo perdido
Si tu no vienes conmigo
Yo usaré mi poder...

Padre, oh Padre...
El Rey de los Elfos
Está tocándome
El me lastima...

Y el niño...
Con los ojos cerrados
No se mueve...
El está totalmente perdido...

... Está totalmente perdido

########################

Figlio Perduto

Muri die vento
Notte scesa
Padre e figlio sono insiem

Con un cavallo
Vanno avanti
In questa grande oscurita

Ma ad un tratto
Il bimbo trema
Dalla paura
Freddo si fa

Padre oh padre
Tu non hai visto

Re degli elfi
Eccolo la

Figlio perduto,
Vuoi far un gioco?
Gioia ti porto
Vieni con me

Padre oh padre
Hai gi sentito
Cosa mi dice
E che vuol' far'?

Figlio perduto
Se tu non vieni
Io user la forza che ho

Padre oh padre
Re degli elfi
Mi sta toccando
Male mi fa

E il bambino,
Con occhi chiusi
Lui non si muove
Perso gi

Figlio
Figlio perduto
Se tu non vieni
Io user la mia forza

Padre oh padre
Re degli elfi
Mi sta toccando
Male mi fa

E il bambino,
Con occhi chiusi
Lui non si muove
Perso gi

... perso gi

########################

Lost son

Walls of wind
Night has fallen
Father and son are together

With a horse
They proceed
Through this intense darkness

But suddenly
The boy trembles
With fear
It gets cold

Father oh father
Haven't you seen
The king of the elfs
There he is

Lost son
Do you want to play?

I bring you joy
Come with me

Father oh father
Did you hear
What he said
And what he will do?

Lost son
If you don't come with me
I will use the power
that I have

Father oh father
The king of the elfs
Is touching me
He hurts me

And the boy
Eyes closed
He doesn't move

He's already lost

Son
Lost son
If you don't come with me
I will use my power

Father oh father
The king of the elfs
Is touching me
He hurts me

And the boy
Eyes closed

He doesn't move
He's already lost

... he's already lost

01 September, 2008

Dear Good-looking guys

Thanks for ruining things for us average-looking guys. You, like all men, will tag pretty much anything female. So you go out to bars and other social venues and you go for the low-hanging fruit. You go for the average-looking girl. Why? Because they are easy and don't give you half the shit that hot women give.

So what's the big deal? The big deal is that average girls don't know their place anymore. They suddenly think that they are hot just because they have been banged by a hot guy. They are wrong, and they do not know it. We average guys, however, do know it. We know that the average girl -- in the long term -- is out of your league. We know that she is in our league, the league of the average. But she does not know that.

So the average girl goes on thinking she is hot and holding out for a hot guy to spend the rest of her life with. Yes, it's great for the ego of the average girl. She bangs a hot guy every now and then, and she really thinks she is the shit. No one told her, though, that any guy (hot or not) will bang any average girl. Sadly, the average women develop this "I'll never settle" mentality. Average guys are suddenly not an option for them, leaving us average guys out in the cold. The genuine hot girls, of course, are not an option for us, so that leaves us with the fat chicks. Thanks. Thanks a lot, hot guy. Meanwhile, the really hot chicks are sitting around dissing us and waiting for you to come talk to them. (And we can only imagine the torture that the fat guys are going through as we average guys are forced to mack on their women.)

So do the social scene a favor -- stick with your own kind. Leave the average girls to us, and stop creating delusions of grandeur in their minds. The average chick is our niche. We work hard enough as it is for the average girl. Now you go work hard to bag the hot chick. Don't be afraid of a little work.

Movie Tickets

Movie Theater | Philadelphia, PA, USA

Customer: “I’d like two tickets for [movie], please.”

Coworker: “That movie is rated R. Can I see your ID?”

Customer: *shows an ID that states she is 18*

Coworker: “You need to be 21 in order to purchase an R-rated ticket for someone else.”

Customer: “But it’s for my son!”

Coworker: “How old is your son?”

Customer: “16…”

Coworker: “So you’re 18… and you have a 16 year old son?”

Customer: “That’s right!”

Coworker: “Let me get my manager…”

Manager: “Ma’am, you need to be 21 to purchase a ticket for a minor.”

Customer: “But he’s my son!”

Manager: “You’re telling me you gave birth when you were two years old?”

Customer: “YES! It happens, I promise you!”

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