Silav gets...hentai?

[03:57] <+Osi> I just wrote an exam...I think I did pretty good
[03:57] <@Kaname> congrats
[03:57] <@Silav101> Osi. I want you manboobs.
[03:57] <+Osi> and now I have one tomorrow morning
[03:57] <@Silav101> your*
[03:57] <+Osi> you want me manboobs?
[03:57] <@Silav101> yes
[03:57] <@Silav101> come sit on my lap, that I might fondle them lovingly.
[03:58] <+Osi> hmmm a little hard considering I don't have manboobs
[03:58] <@Silav101> I have food.
[03:58] * Kaname rolls her eyes
[03:58] <@Silav101> we can work on it.
[03:58] <+Osi> ^^;;
[03:58] <@Silav101> XD

Bohemian Parody

Ladies, Gentlemen, A-sexuals, Bisexuals, Homosexuals, pre-op transsexuals, Company managers.
May I present... Bohemian Parody. (By Mazz Murray)

Is this the real song? Is this for charity?
Written for laughs and escaping all clarity.
Open your hearts,
We'll show these old farts, just see!
I'm just a poor turn; I need your sympathy!
Because we're: easy hired, easy fired,
Always ill, and very tired.
Anyway we opened, press all took their seats,
Coz they're free (they're free)
Mama, just read the critics,
They said we were the pits,
Tried to put us in the sh!ts.
Mama, we had just begun,
And now they've gone and thrown it all away.
Mama, oooooh.
Did they mean to make us cry?
If we don't do another show tomorrow.
Carry on, carry on, cos critics never matter.
Nigel Planer!
Nigel Planer!
Too late our time has come.
We can fill that barn.
So much more than Notre dame.
Goodbye every body.
We've got to go.
Got a global dream,
We thought we did it all
Mama, ooh (any way the palms flow)
We don't want to close.
We'd rather that, than never been hired at all.
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! etc...
I see a little silhouette of the press.
Scare em off! Scare em off!
Kick em in the fandangos!
Thunderbolts and lightening,
Very Sarah Brightman.
Daily Mail (Daily Mail)
Daily mail (Daily Mail)
Daily Mail could you go?
Magnifico-o-o
I'm just a poor turn in a rich company.
He's just a poor turn in a rich company.
Spare us our jobs, give us longevity.
Easy hired, easy fired, we are very tired.
Ben Elton, no! We will not let him go, let him go,
Ben Elton, we will not let him go, let him go,
Ben Elton, we will not let him go, let him go,
Will not let him go, let him go,
Will not let him go. Let him go-o-o-o,
No no no no no no no.
Oh mamma mia mamma mia (mamma mia it's a show)
Our lives were changed,
When we did the Jubilee,
With royalty on BBC TV.
So you think you can stab us and spit in our eyes?
Now I suppose you won't love us and wish you could die
Oh Brian
We will run for you Brian
Get those critics out,
Just get those critics right out of here
Oooooh Oooooh Oooooh
Roger! Roger!
Critics never matter, only when their bad
Critics never matter.
Critics never matter, they're sad.
Anyway we're sold out

Fellowship Rhapsody

Is this a drama?
Is this a fantasy?
Old British actors
And a Best Picture nominee
Three hours long
Part one of a trilogy
J.R.R. Tolkien has gone down in history
(Tol-kien)
Because he wrote of Dwarves, Orcs and rings,
Middle Earth, Elves and kings
This is Frodo's story, a rip off of a song done by Queen,
--by Queen

Gandalf, I've found a ring,
Held it out into the fire,
At first I didn't see a thing
Gandalf, I was having fun,
And now you say I have to leave the Shire

Gandalf, ooo-oo
I don't wanna go,
If I don't try to take this thing to Mordor-
We will die! We will die! And it will all be my fault

Samwise, don't come with me
The One Ring calls my name
Hold it and you'll feel the same
Samwise, little buddy, What has Bilbo done?
He stole My Precious out of Gollum's cave

Samwise, ooo-oo
( listen Samwise Gamgee)
The Ringwraiths follow me,
So go back home with Peregrin Took and Merry

I'm just a tiny little Hobbit of a man
Mount Doom! Mount Doom! Travel to the Prancing Pony!
Aragorn is Strider! Ambushed by the nine dead kings!
Gandalf's missing, Gandalf's missing,
Gandalf's missing, Gandalf's missing,
Gandalf's missing, where'd he go?
Where should we go o o o?


Hide in the ruins-no one will find me,
A Ringwraith has stabbed him! It's a bad injury!
Arwen is here with her Elf sorcery!
Rivendell, Rivendell. Council has to vote.


Which one will go?-Let's all make Gimli go!
(I won't go!)
Which one will-Prince Boromir will go!
(I won't go!)
Then who will---The Elven King will go!
(I won't go!)
Legolas will go!
(I won't go!)
Aragorn will go!
(I won't goooooooooo!)
No! No! No! No! No! No! No!
Oh Frodo Baggins, Frodo Baggins! Did you just say you'd go?
Oh Saruman has a Balrog set aside for me! For me! For meeeeee!

So you think I will run when I see Sauron's eye?
Boromir battled Orcs and they left him to die!
Oh, Samwise-Won't you listen to me Samwise,
Just got to get out-Just got to take a boat out of here!

Ooooooo Oooooo, Ooooo, Ooo Yeah, Ooo Yeah
Get this ring to Mordor,
Throw it in the fire
Get this ring to Mordor
Then I'll go back home to the Shire.

This is Frodo's story

[dialog between Samwise and Frodo]

Saiyan Rhapsody (v 5.0)

It's not a cartoon,
it is just an anime'
named Dragon Ball Z
it's an escape from reality.
Open your eyes,
look at the TV and see...
that is Vegeta,
he is a Saiya-jin
he is evil now--evil then
then turns good--then turns bad.
His ally is Nappa,
they're facing the Z warriors now.
Time to die

Nappa,
just kill the man,
put a blast across his head
explode your ki and now his dead.
Nappa,
that was just Chao-Tzu
now eliminate the bald guy,Ten-shin Han!
Nappa,
Ooouuuhhh!
didn't mean to make you wait,
but we gotta wait for kakarrot!
Carry on, Carry on...
he's not coming after all.

Too late!
he has arrived!
just killed many of his friends,
now he's going to kick your tail!
Good-bye, everybody!
your time has come,
you are useless now
because he broke your back!!
Nappa!
Ooouuhhh!
You don't want die,
but sometimes I wish you'd never been born at all!

I see a lil' space pod flying through my window.
I can't believe,
can't believe,
I was defeated by earthlings!!
Thunderbolt and lightning!!!
Gotta go to Namek now--!!!
Do-do-dodoria!
do-dodoria
Do-dodoria!
do-dodoria
Do-dodoria you are dead!!!
You are next Zarbon-bon-bon...!
you may have beat me--I'll come back and kill you,
he may have beat you--you'll come back and kill him!
don't spare him his life from his monstrosity!!
Easy comes--easy goes
the Dragon Balls are gone
Its Freeza--Nooo! First transformation-no!
He'll kill you!
It's Freeza--Nooo! Second transformation!
He'll kill you!
It's Freeza--! Perfect transformation!
He'll kill you!
Perfect transformation--!
He'll kill you!
Never, never, never--!
He'll kill you
No, No, No, No, No, NO!
Oh, Kakarrotto
Kakarrotto
Kakarrotto avenge my dead!!!
Don't BE a fool, just-turn-into-a Super Saiya-jin!
Saiya-jin!
Saiya-jiiiiiiiiiin!
!!!!!!!BOOOOM!!!!!!

So you think you can kill me
and laugh out loud!
So you think you can stop me
and leave me to die!
oooooooooh! Freeza--!
you are so wrong Freeza!
Prepare to die--!
Prepare to die at my hands!

Nothing really matters,
I'm a Saiya-jin.
Nothing really matters,
nothing really matters...to me

Anywhere the wind blows

Lion King Rhapsody (V 4.0)

Timon: This is the great life.
No rules and no worries.
Simba: Caught in a stampede,
No escape from the wildebeest.
Rafiki: Open your eyes. Go look down there and see.
Simba: I'm not the king now, why does anyone need me?
Nala: Because it's your responsibility. Come on, Simba, don't you see?
Simba: Any way the floss blows, doesn't really matter, to me, to me.
Simba: Taka, just killed my dad.
There was a stampede in the gorge, tried to save me, now he's
dead.
Scar: Taka, just killed my dad.
There was a stampede in the gorge, tried to save me, now he's
dead.Simba's life had just begun.
For me it is a deep personal loss.
Simba: Taka, ooh, didn't mean for him to die.
Scar: No one ever means for these things to happen.
Run away, run away, and never return, Simba.
Mufasa: Some day, a time will come
When I'll look down from the stars, so remember who you are.
Simba: Goodbye, old Rafiki, I've got to go.
Gotta leave this all behind to face my past.
Mouse: Taka, ooh, (anyway the floss blows) I don't want to die
Scar: I sometimes think that life's not fair at all.
Me: I see another message from Kurabi.
Scaraholic, Scaraholic, will you stay on the list or go?
Thunderbolt and lightning, very, very frightening, Ian
(Rocio) Rocio (Rocio) Rocio, Rocio Orozco, where'd you go.
Rocio: Ryan's a nice boy, but his balloons scare me.
Zazu: Well madam, there's one in every family.
Come to think of it, two in mine actually.
Banzai: Did we order this meal to go?
Shenzi: No, why?
Banzai: 'Cause there it goes.
Hyenas: Mufasa! No, we will not let you go.
(Let him go!) Mufasa! We will not let you go.
(Let him go!) Mufasa! We will not let you go.
(Let me go!)Will not let you go!
(Let me go!)Will not let you go! (Let me go!) Ah
Ngo thando, ngo xolo.
Taka: (Oh Sarafina, Sarafina)Sarafina let me go.
Melmokh Gol'shekh has a Makei put aside for me, for me, for me.
Mike: So you think you can flame me and spit in my eye
So you think you can love Nala's emerald eyes.
Oh baby, can't do this to me baby
Just gotta get out, just gotta get right outta here.

Timon: Nothing really matters, anyone can see
Hakuna Matata
Nothing really matters to me.

Anyway the floss blows...

Bohemian RPG (v 3.0)

Sick of your real life?
Welcome to fantasy.
Werewolf and Changeling,
my escapes from reality.
Just roll your dice,
look up to the skies and pray.
I'm just a half elf,
I don't need no sympathy.
Rolls are easy come, easy go.
Roll it high, roll it low.
Any way the orcs come
doesn't really matter to me,
to me.

My guy just killed a man.
Drained the blood out of his veins,
now he's feeling no pain.
Mama, our game's just begun.
No need to put the laundry all away.
Johnny, oooh.
No exasperated sighs.
If I'm not back in the next five minutes,
carry on, carry on,
'cause my character doesn't matter.

Too late,
our time is done.
That sent shivers down my spine,
wish we could play all the time.
Goodbye, everybody.
It's time to go.
Gotta leave this all behind and face the world.
Tommy, ooooh.
Don't want my guy to die.
I sometimes wish that you never are DM.

(Guitar Solo 1)

I see a little sillouhetto of an elf.
RPG! RPG!
D&D and World of Darkness.
Thunderbolts and lightning,
very, very frightening me.

Reach Golconda!
Reach Golconda!
Reach Golconda!
Reach Golconda!
Reach Golconda is my goal.
Elven arro-o-o-o-o-ows.

I'm just a poor dwarf,
nobody loves me.
He's just a poor dwarf from a great lineage.
Spare him his life, he is of use to me.

Roll it high, don't roll low.
Will they let me go?
Fives and threes.
No, they will not let you go.
Let me go!
Fives and threes.
No, they will not let you go.
Let me go!
Fives and threes.
No, they will not let you go.
Let me go!
They won't let you go.
Let me go!
They won't let you go.
(Sevens, sevens, sevens) Here we go! Ohhhh!
Roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll!

Oh, Sasha Vykos, Sasha Vykos.
Sasha Vykos, let me go.
The Masquerade has a coffin set aside for me.
For me.
FOR ME!

(Guitar Solo 2)

So you think you can strike me and spit in my eye?
So you think you can stake me and leve me to die?
Oh, baby.
Now it's Demon time, baby.
Just gonna RP.
Playin' all through the year.

(Guitar Solo 3)

Ooooooooooh.
Ooh, yeah. Ooh, yeah.

Real life doesn't matter.
All the gamers see
real life doesn't matter.
Nothing really matters to me.

Any way the dice roll.

SCO Rhapsody (Bohemian Rhapsody v2.0)

SCO Rhapsody
[mel. Bohemian Rhapsody, Queen]

Is this SysV code-
Is this just fantasy-
Caught in discovery-
No escape from reality

Hand us your source
It must contain our IP-
I'm just a poor boy, I need no sympathy-
Because I’m pumping stock, with nil to show,
A little high, little low,
Whatever the facts show, doesn’t really matter to me,
To me

Grokkers, I've sued Big Blue
Followed voices in my head,
Filed a case, and now I'm dead,
Grokkers, hoped they'd buy me out,
But now I’ve gone and thrown it all away-
Grokkers ooo,
Don't mean to make you sad-
If there's no press release this time tomorrow-
Carry on, carry on, as if all this didn't matter-

No case!, the judge has ruled,
Sends shivers down my spine-
Stock is dropping all the time,
Goodbye dear Grokkers-I’ve got to go-
Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth-
Grokkers ooo- (whatever the facts show)
I don’t want to lose,
I sometimes wish I’d never spead FUD at all-

I see a growing silhouetto of a penguin,
Microsoft, Microsoft will you fund my ligitation-
Source code and Linuxing-very very frightening me-
GPL, GPL,
GPL, GPL,
GPL is hard to spell-for SCO-
But I’m just a poor boy and nobody loves me-
He’s just a poor boy from a poor company-
Spare him his stock from this monstrosity-
Easy come easy go-, will you let me go-
Darl McBride! no-, we will not let you go-let him go-
Darl McBride! we will not let you go-let him go
Darl McBride! we will not let you go-let me go
Will not let you go-let me go
Will not let you go let me go
No, no, no, no, no, no, no-
Mama mia, mama mia, mama mia let me go-
The community has a devil put aside for me, for me, for me-

Do you think you can stop us with FUD dressed up in ties-
Take the code that you like and then spit in our eyes-
Oh McBride-can’t do this to us Darl-
Just gotta get out-just gotta get right outta here-

Only money matters,
Anyone can see,
Only money matters-, only money matters to me,

Whatever the facts show ...

John Masefield "Sea Fever"

I must down to the seas again, to the lonely sea and the sky, And all I ask is a tall ship and a star to steer her by, And the wheel's kick and the wind's song and the white sail's shaking, And a grey mist on the sea's face and a grey dawn breaking.

I must down to the seas again, for the call of the running tide Is a wild call and a clear call that may not be denied;

And all I ask is a windy day with the white clouds flying, And the flung spray and the blown spume, and the sea-gulls crying.

I must down to the seas again to the vagrant gypsy life.

To the gull's way and the whale's way where the wind's like a whetted knife;

And all I ask is a merry yarn from a laughing fellow-rover, And quiet sleep and a sweet dream when the long trek's over.

More hmanga madness

<%Keiji> dummit.. i want to be 168cm ._. gimmi my 8cms
> Keiji is a smurf!
<@bigfire54> LMAO!
* The_Mighty_Highlord points and goes away laughing
<@bigfire54> go TMH GO!
* Keiji bites t-chan's long legs
<@bigfire54> hahahaha
<+kuman> why u want to be 168?
<%Keiji> bite bite bite

Supreme Sisters fighting

[15:21] * Chiiiii pokes sis to sleep
[15:21] <%Lighter> onion head!!!!!!!!
[15:21] <%Chiiiii> meat head
[15:21] <%Lighter> pig head <.<
[15:21] <%Chiiiii> vaka head
[15:21] <%Lighter> peas head
[15:21] <%Lighter> no wait
[15:21] <%Chiiiii> peas head!??
[15:21] <%Lighter> peas brain
[15:21] <%Chiiiii> Rei head
[15:22] <%Lighter> ärthjärna
[15:22] <%Chiiiii> i will cruch your head
[15:22] <%Lighter> trex head

and so on...hilarious, isn't it?

Live Long and Prosper, Gunbuster

[22:17] <@Gunbuster> Stardate 056.4
[22:17] <@GluLm> hehehe
[22:17] > no way lol
[22:17] <@Gunbuster> Acting Captain Lt. Cmdr. Gunbuster
[22:17] <%Chiiiii> what stardate
[22:17] <@Gunbuster> His voyage
[22:17] <@Gunbuster> Through the land of Hentai
[22:17] <@Gunbuster> Where no man
[22:17] <@Gunbuster> Or woman
[22:17] <@Gunbuster> Has gone before
[22:17] * Gunbuster cue's intergalatic space music
[22:17] <@GluLm> lmao
[22:17] > hahaha
[22:17] > you are blogged my man

75 Fun Ways To Order A Pizza

Dedicado a la amiga Delia, Que su Pericia En las Pizzas no Disminuya :D

1. Belch directly into the mouthpiece; then tell your dog it should be ashamed.

2. Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it.

3. When they repeat your order, say "Again, with a little more OOMPH this time."

4. Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal.

5. Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation."

6. Tell the order taker a rival pizza place is on the other line and you're going with the lowest bidder.

7. When they ask for your phone # give them theirs and see if they notice.

8. Answer their questions with questions.

9. Tell them to put the crust on top this time.

10. Sing the order to the tune of your favorite song from Metallica's "Master of Puppets" CD.

11. Do not name the toppings you want. Rather, spell them out.

12. Stutter on the letter "p."

13. Make a list of exotic cuisines. Order them as toppings.

14. Put an extra edge in your voice when you say "crazy bread."

15. Change your accent every three seconds.

16. Ask if you get to keep the pizza box. When they say yes, heave a sigh of relief.

17. Ask what the order taker is wearing.

18. Move the mouthpiece farther and farther from your lips as you speak. When the call ends, jerk the mouthpiece back into place and scream goodbye at the top of your lungs.

19. Say hello, act stunned for five seconds, then behave as if they called you.

20. Say "Are you sure this is (Pizza Place)? When they say yes, say "Well, so is this! You've got some explaining to do!" See how they respond.

21. Tell the order taker you're depressed. Get him/her to cheer you up.

22. Imitate the order taker's voice.

23. Tell them to double-check to make sure your pizza is, in fact, dead.

24. Order 52 pepperoni slices prepared in a fractal pattern as follows from an equation you are about to dictate. Ask if they need paper.

25. Act like you know the order taker from somewhere. Say "Bed-Wetters' Camp, right?"

26. Put the accent on the last syllable of "pepperoni." Use the long "i" sound.

27. If they repeat the order to make sure they have it right, say "OK. That'll be $10.99; please pull up to the first window."

28. Eliminate verbs from your speech.

29. Say it's your anniversary and you'd appreciate if the deliverer hid behind some furniture waiting for your spouse to arrive so you can surprise him/her.

30. Amuse the order taker with little-known facts about country music.

31. Ask to see a menu.

32. Have your pizza "shaken, not stirred."

33. Ask if they have any idea what is at stake with this pizza.

34. Ask what topping goes best with well-aged Chardonnay.

35. If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask person taking the order to stop doing that.

36. Order a slice, not a whole pizza.

37. Doze off in the middle of the order, catch yourself, and say "Where was I? Who are you?"

38. Psychoanalyze the order taker.

39. Ask what their phone number is. Hang up, call them, and ask again.

40. Order two toppings, then say, "No, they'll start fighting."

41. Call to complain about service. Later, call to say you were drunk and didn't mean it.

42. If he/she suggests anything, adamantly declare, "I shall not be swayed by your sweet words."

43. Wonder aloud if you should trim those nose hairs.

44. Try to talk while drinking something.

45. Start the conversation with "My Call to (Pizza Place), Take 1, and. . . action!"

46. Ask if the pizza is organically grown.

47. Ask about pizza maintenance and repair.

48. Be vague in your order.

49. Use CB lingo where applicable.

50. If using a touch-tone press 9-1-1 every 5 seconds throughout the order.

51. After ordering, say "I wonder what THIS button on the phone does." Simulate a cutoff.

52. Start the conversation by reciting today's date and saying, "This may be my last entry."

53. State your order and say that's as far as this relationship is going to get.

54. Learn to properly pronounce the ingredients of a Twinkie. Ask that these be included in the pizza.

55. Ask if they're familiar with the term "spanking a pizza." Make up a description to go with the term. Ask that this be done to your pizza.

56. Say "Kssssssssssssssht" rather loudly into the phone. Ask if they felt that.

57. When listing toppings you want on your pizza, include another pizza.

58. Ask if they would like to sample your pizza. Suggest an even trade.

59. Put them on hold.

60. Teach the order taker a secret code. Use the code on all subsequent orders.

61. Mumble, "There's a bomb under your seat." When asked to repeat that, say "I said 'sauce smothered with meat'."

62. Make the first topping you order mushrooms. Make the last thing you say "No mushrooms, please." Hang up before they have a chance to respond.

63. When the order is repeated, change it slightly. When it is repeated again, change it again. On the third time, say "You just don't get it, do you?"

64. When you've given the price, say "Ooooooo, that sounds complicated. I hate math."

65. Haggle.

66. Order a one-inch pizza.

67. Order term life insurance.

68. When they say "Will that be all?", snicker and say "We'll find out, won't we?"

69. Ask how many dolphins were killed to make that pizza.

70. While on the phone, fake entering puberty. Fluctuate pitch often; act embarrassed.

71. Dance all around the word "pizza." Avoid saying it at all costs. If he/she says it, say "Please don't mention that word."

72. Have a movie with a good car chase scene playing loudly in the background. Yell "OW!" when a bullet is fired.

73. If he/she suggests a side order, ask why he/she is punishing you.

74. Ask if the pizza has had its shots.

75. Order a steamed pizza.

Why Men Are Happier Than Women!

Why Men Are Happier Than Women!

1. We keep our last name.
2. The garage is all ours.
3. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
4. Chocolate is just another snack.
5. We can be president.
6. We can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
7. Car mechanics tell us the truth.
8. The world is our urinal.
9. We never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too icky.
10. Same work, more pay.
11. Wrinkles add character.
12. Wedding dress - $5000; tux rental - $100.
13. People never stare at our chest when we're talking to them.
14. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
15. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle our feet.
16. One mood, ALL the time.
17. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
18. We know stuff about tanks.
19. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
20. We can open all our own jars.
21. We get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
22. If someone forgets to invite us, he or she can still be our friend.
23. Our underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
24. Everything on our face stays its original color.
25. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
26. We don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
27. We almost never have strap problems in public
28. We are unable to see wrinkles in our clothes.
29. The same hair style lasts for years, maybe decades.
30. We don't have to shave below our neck.
31. Our belly usually hides our big hips.
32. One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
33. We can "do" our nails with a pocket-knife.
34. We have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
35. We can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives, on December 24, in 45 minutes.

Dont you hate it when...

You've been standing in a grocery store line-up for at least 10 minutes, you're next in line and a cashier opens up a line. Inevitably, all the people in the line behind you run over to the new line and get served before you do.

The boss calls you on his speakerphone.

You buy a new pair of shoes that fit perfectly in the shoe store but start to rub and cause blisters on your feet the moment you actually start wearing them.



Someone 90 years old is doing 30 mph on the expressway in the passing lane.
You ride there tail and they can't see you. You blast your horn and they can't hear you.



What's worse than a cold toilet seat? A warm toilet seat. There's only one way short of magic it could have gotten warm. At first, you're almost thankful it's warm, then you get to thinking... this is the result of another person's ass-warmth.

Growing up in the 80's

Dear Kids of America:

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning uphill both ways through year 'round blizzards carrying their younger siblings on their backs to their one-room schoolhouse where they maintained a straight-A average despite their full-time after-school job at the local textile mill where they worked for 35 cents an hour just to help keep their family from starving to death!

And I remember promising myself that when I grew up there was no way I was going to lay a bunch of shit like that on kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it. But.... Now that I've reached the ripe old age of forty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today. You've got it so easy! Compared to my childhood, you live in a freaking Utopia! And I hate to say it but you kids today you don't know how good you've got it!

When I was a kid we didn't have The Internet -- we wanted to know something, we had to go to the library and look it up ourselves! And there was no email! We had to actually write somebody a letter -- with a pen! --and then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take like a week to get there! And there were no MP3s or Napster! You wanted to steal music, you had to go to the record store and shoplift it yourself! Or we had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ would usually talk over the beginning and mess it all up!

You want to hear about hardship? You couldn't just download porn! You had to bribe some homeless dude to buy you a copy of "Hustler" at the 7-11! Those were your options! We didn't have fancy stuff like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal! And we didn't have fancy Caller ID Boxes either. When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was. It could be your boss, your mom, a collections agent, you didn't know! You just had to pick it up and take your chances!

We didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like "Space Invaders" and "Asteroids" and the graphics sucked! Your guy was a little square and in order to have any fun you had to rely on your imagination! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen forever! And you could never win, the game just kept on getting harder and faster until you died! When you went to the movie theater there no such thing as stadium seating! All the seats were the same height! A tall guy sat in front of you, you were out of luck. And sure, we had cable television, but back then that was only like 20 channels and there was no on screen menu! You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! And there was no Cartoon Network! You could only get cartoons on Saturday morning. Did you hear what I said you lazy little freaks? We had to wait all week for cartoons! That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1980! .....But I don't want to lecture you.

OPCIONES POLÍTICAS

POSICIÓN DE PARTIDA: 2 VACAS.


SOCIALISMO: Vd. tiene dos vacas. El gobierno las nacionaliza y le compensa con el precio del ternero que tiene la primera vaca.

COMUNISMO: El gobierno le requisa las vacas y le da un poco de leche.

FASCISMO: El gobierno se apropia de las vacas y le vende la leche.

NAZISMO: Requisadas ambas vacas, se fusila al propietario para que no moleste.

DEMOCRACIA: El gobierno le deja las vacas. Vd. se espabila para mantenerlas, vende la leche o las vacas, y el dinero es para el gobierno.

CAPITALISMO: Vd. vende una vaca y compra un toro. La otra vaca reproduce y tiene muchas vacas. Entonces o le sobra leche o le falta alfalfa. Si le falta alfalfa, mueren las vacas y se arruina. Si le sobra lecha, baja el precio y se arruina.

ANARQUISMO: Las dos vacas matan al dueño, que quería ordeñarlas. Una vaca mata a la otra por sanguinaria y luego se suicida por haber matado a su hermana.

ECOLOGISMO: Las vacas son sagradas y no se pueden ordeñar, y Vd. se ve obligado a vender sus propiedades para darles de comer.

NACIONALISMO: Ocurre cualquiera de las opciones especificadas anteriormente, pero las vacas se pintan primero con los colores de la bandera de la región.


CONCLUSIÓN: Mejor votar a los gays. Como gane quien gane le van a dar por detrás, por lo menos que lo hagan los que saben.

Yo Soy : Mi Abuelo

Copia de una instancia presentada, durante los primeros escarceos administrativos, con ocasión de la independencia de la República del Congo; de un ciudadano que quería librarse del servicio militar.
Nos lo facilita en francés Manuel Cruces y que traducimos como sigue:


Al Ministerio de defensa.
Señor Ministro:

Tengo el honor de exponerle mi caso.

Estoy casado con una viuda, que tiene una hija; mi padre se ha casado con esta.

Resulta pues, que mi padre se ha convertido en mi yerno, al casarse con mi hija, y esta convertida en mi nuera ha pasado ha ser mi madrastra.

Mi mujer y yo hemos tenido un hijo en la Saint-Jean; este niño es pues el hijo de la madre de la mujer de mi padre, por lo que es el cuñado de mi padre; en consecuencia mi tío, pues que es el hermano de mi madrastra. Mi hijo viene a ser entonces mi tío; cuando la mujer de mi padre tuvo un hijo por Navidad, este es a la vez, mi hermano por que es hijo de mi padre y mi nieto por que es el hijo de la hija de mi mujer.

Mi hija convertida en mi madre por ser la esposa de mi padre; y yo además de ser el marido de la madre de esa mujer, por consiguiente padre soy el hermano de mi nieto.

Como el marido de la madre de una persona es el padre de esta, he llegado a la consecuencia de que yo soy el padre de mi padre, el hermano de mi hijo y el hijo del padre de mi nieto; yo soy mi propio abuelo.

Tengo el honor, señor Ministro, de solicitarle que ordene mi licenciamiento, visto que el reglamento prohíbe que el padre, el hijo y el nieto sean movilizados a un tiempo.

Con mi agradecimiento y saludos respetuosas.
Firma ilegible.

Fighting Canaries Virus Alert

If you receive an email entitled "Fighting Canaries," delete it immediately. Do not open it. Apparently this one is pretty nasty.
It will not only erase everything on your hard drive, but it will also delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer. It demagnetizes the stripes on all of your credit cards. It reprograms your ATM access code, screws up the tracking on your VCR, and uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any CDs you attempt to play.
It will recalibrate your refrigerator's coolness settings so all your ice cream melts and your milk freezes. It will program your phone autodial to call only your mother-in-law's number. This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank. It will drink all your sodas. It will leave dirty socks on the coffee table when you are expecting company.
Its radioactive emissions will cause your toe jam and bellybutton fuzz (be honest, you have some) to migrate behind your ears. It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine, all while dating your current boy/girlfriend behind your back and billing the rendezvous to your Visa card. It will cause you to run with scissors and throw things in a way that is only fun until someone loses an eye. It will give you Dutch Elm Disease and Tinea. It will rewrite your backup files, changing all your active verbs to passive tense and incorporating undetectable misspellings which grossly change the interpretations of key sentences.
If the message is opened in a Windows 98 environment, it will leave the toilet seat up and leave your hair dryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub. It will not only remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows, but it will also refill your skim milk with whole milk.
It will replace all your luncheon meat with Spam. It will molecularly rearrange your cologne or perfume, causing it to smell like dill pickles. It is insidious and subtle. It is dangerous and terrifying to behold.
It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve. These are just a few signs of infection.

Frase gloriosa del año 1989

"Los videojuegos no afectan a los niños. Si fuera así y el Comecocos nos hubiera afectado a nosotros cuando éramos niños, ahora estaríamos deambulando por lugares oscuros, comiendo píldoras mágicas y escuchando ritmos electrónicos repetitivos"

Portavoz de Nintendo - 1989


Sin comentarios, verdad chicos?

l33t pr4y3r

Time for my prayers:
Our Father, who 0wnz heaven, j00 r0ck!
May all 0ur base someday be belong to you!
May j00 0wn earth just like j00 0wn heaven.
Give us this day our warez, mp3z, and pr0n through a phat pipe.
And cut us some slack when we act like n00b lamerz, just as we teach n00bz when they act lame on us.
Please don't give us root access on some poor d00d'z box when we're too pissed off to think about what's right and wrong, and if you could keep the fbi off our backs, we'd appreciate it.
For j00 0wn r00t on all our b0x3s 4ever and ever, 4m3n.

Palabra de Dios

La doctora Laura Schlessinger,que conduce un programa radiofonico y
de television con gran exito en Estados Unidos,se atrevio a asegurar
que la Biblia condena la homosexualidad y,para ello,cito un pasaje
de la misma.Al poco tiempo aparecio en internet esta ingeniosa
respuesta anonima:

Querida doctora Laura:
Muchas gracias por sus esfuerzos a la hora de educar a la gente
segun la Ley de Dios. He aprendido muchisimo gracias a usted y
siempre que puedo, intento compartir esos conocimientos con los que
me rodean. Cuando alguien se empeña en defender la forma de vida de
los homosexuales, yo me limito a recordarle a esa persona que en el
Levitico 18,22 se afirma claramente que la homosexualidad es una
abominacion. Fin del debate. Sin embargo, necesito que me de algunos
consejos en cuanto a algunas leyes concretas y lo que debo hacer
para respetarlas.

a) Cuando procedo a inmolar a una res en el altar,a modo de ofrenda
se que produce un agradable olor para el señor (Levitico 1,9), pero
el problema son mis vecinos. Aseguran que a ellos el olor no les
resulta agradable. ¿Acaso debo lincharles?

b)Me gustaria vender a mi hija por sierva,tal y como se me autoriza
en Exodo 21,7. Teniendo en cuenta los tiempos que corren, ¿que precio
cree usted que deberia pedir por ella?

c)Se que no se me permite tocar a una mujer mientras ella se
encuentre en su periodo de impureza menstrual (Levitico 15,
19-24). El problema es...¿como lo se?He probado a preguntar, pero la
mayoria de las mujeres se sienten ofendidas.

d)En Levitico 25,44 se dice que tengo derecho a poseer esclavos
hombres o mujeres, siempre y cuando procedan de paises vecinos. Tengo
un amigo que dice que esas palabras se aplican a los mejicanos, pero
no a los canadienses. ¿Podria usted aclararme ese punto?¿porque no se
me permite poseer esclavos canadienses?

e)Tengo un vecino que se empeña en trabajr el septimo dia. Segun se
dice claramente en Exodo 35,2,debe ser castigado con la
muerte. ¿Estoy moralmente obligado a matarle con mis propias manos?

f)Un amigo mio dice que aunque comer marisco es una abominacion
(Levitico 11,10) no es tan abominable como la homosexualidad. Yo no
estoy de acuerdo con el¿puede ofrecerme una solucion?

g)En Levitico 21,20 se dice que no debo acercarme al altar del señor
si tengo un defecto en la vista. Reconozco que necesito gafas para
leer ¿Mi vision ha de ser perfecta o es una question mas o menos
flexible?

h)La mayoria de mis amigos del sexo masculino se cortan el
pelo, incluido el de la barba, aunque eso no esta estrictamente
prohibido segun Levitico 19,27. ¿Que clase de muerte merecen?

i)He leido en Levitico 11,6-8 que si toco la piel de un cadaver de
cerdo me volvere inmundo, pero....¿puedo segur jugando al futbol
americano si me pongo guantes de lana?

j)Mi tio tiene una granja. Incumple Levitico 19,19 porque siembra en
un mismo campo simiente de dos especies. Ademas,su mujer lleva
prendas de vestir hechas de dos tipos de hilo (algodon/poliester). Mi
tio tiene tendencia a blasfemar y maldecir mucho. ¿Es absolutamente
necesario que nos tomemos la molestia de reunir a todo el pueblo
para lapidarlos?(Levitico 24,10-16)¿No podriamos quemarlos en una
ceremonia intima y familiar, como hacemos con la gente que se acuesta
con sus parientes politicos?(Levitico 20,14).

Se que usted ha analizado estas cuestiones a fondo, así que estoy
seguro que podra ayudarme. Gracias una vez mas por recordarnos que la
palabra de Dios es ETERNA e INMUTABLE.
Su devoto discipulo y fan incondicional.

Dedicado al Juger y sus 40 minutos

UN POEMA A LA CACA


De los Placeres sin pecar, el más dulce es el cagar,
con un periódico extendido y un cigarrillo encendido,
queda el culo complacido y la mierda en su lugar.

Cagar es un placer;
de cagar nadie se escapa; caga el rey,
caga el Papa, caga el buey,
caga la vaca,
y hasta la señorita más guapa hace sus bolitas de caca.
Viene el perro y lo huele.
Viene el gato y lo tapa.
Total, en este mundo de caca,
de cagar nadie se escapa.

Qué triste es amar sin ser amado,
pero más triste es cagar
sin haber almorzado.
Hay cacas blancas por hepatitis,
las hay blandas por gastritis;
cualquiera que sea la causa,
que siempre te alcanza,
aprieta las piernas duro,
que cuando el trozo es seguro,
aunque este bien fruncido, el culo
será por lo menos, ¡¡¡¡¡PEDO SEGURO!!!!!

No hay placer más exquisíto,
que cagar bien despacito.
El baño no es tobogán ni tampoco subibaja.
El baño es para cagar y no pa' hacerse la paja.
Los escritores de baño
son poetas de ocasión,
que buscan entre la mierda,
su fuente de inspiración.
Vosotros que os creéis sagaz,
y de todo os reís,
decidme si sois capaz de cagar
y no hacer pis.

En este lugar sagrado,
donde tanta gente acude,
la chica se pasa el dedo
y el tipo se lo sacude.
Caga tranquilo.
Caga sin pena,
pero no se te olvide tirar la cadena.
El tipo que aquí se sienta
y de escribir versos se acuerda,
¡no me vengan a decir que no es un poeta de mierda!.

En este lugar sagrado,
donde acude tanta gente,
hace fuerza el más cobarde,
y se caga el más valiente.
Ni la mierda es pintura,
ni los dedos son pinceles.
¡Por favor, pendejos,
límpiense con papeles!
Para tí que siempre estás en el baño:
¡Caguen tranquilos.
Caguen contentos;
pero por favor,
caguen adentro!.

¡Hoy aquí yacen los restos
de este olímpico sorete,
que lucha de forma estoica,
para salir del ojete!.
Estoy sentado en cuclillas,
en este maldito hoyo...
¡¡¡¿quién fue el hijo de puta
que se terminó todo el rollo?!!!

HOLA HOLA YA SE BLOGGEAR :D

cuidading cuidading !!!!
el mayor grupo de chuper heroes que se podia imaginar ha llegado a la red son :

LOS ACUSICAS y los puedes encontrar en http://los-acusicas.blogspot.com/

son las 6:36 de la mañana del domingo estamos en casa de Delia , vaya panda de mutties estamos echos a desayunar tortitaaaaas

Soy un buen muttie y me han pedido colaborar en esta web del amigo higlorete asin que hare lo que pueda para animar esto junto con el y el resto de amiguetes cabezudos que quieran colaborar.

hasta pronting

No One but You es una gran cancion compuesta por Bryan May (creo) por motivo de la muerte de Freddie. Es muy triste, pero preciosa. Esta es la letra traducida al castellano y cantada por Eva Maria, que canta como los angeles de la cancion:

EVA MARÍA-SOLO POR TI [NO-ONE BUT YOU]

UNA MANO SOBRE EL AGUA
UN ÁNGEL VUELA SOBRE EL MAR
¿ES QUE LLUEVE EN EL CIELO?
VAS A HACERME LLORAR

AQUÍ Y ALLÁ LOS INFELICES
EN CADA SOLITARIA LUZ
NADIE LOS TOCA
TAN SÓLO TÚ

YA NO ESTÁN
SÓLO LOS BUENOS SE VAN
ELLOS VOLABAN MUY CERCA DEL SOL
Y LA VIDA SIGUE SIN TI

QUÉ DIFÍCIL SITUACIÓN
ME VOY AHOGANDO EN EL BLUES
Y ME QUEDO PENSANDO
BUENO... ¿QUÉ HARÍAS TÚ?

SÍ, HICISTE TU GRAN ACTUACIÓN
SIN DEUDAS TE MARCHASTE TÚ
¡DIOS! FUISTE UNA SENSACIÓN
¡OH! HALLASTE LA LUZ
YA NO ESTÁN
SÓLO LOS BUENOS SE VAN
ELLOS VOLABAN MUY CERCA DEL SOL
RECORDAREMOS
POR SIEMPRE

LA FIESTA DEBE TERMINARSE
Y NUNCA VOY A ENTENDER
¿POR QUÉ NOS DEJASTE?
ASÍ TUVO QUE SER

REUNIDOS HOY EN ESTA MESA
BRINDAMOS JUNTOS OTRA VEZ
APARECE SU ROSTRO
DEL QUE NUNCA, NUNCA ME OLVIDARÉ

YA NO ESTÁN
SÓLO LOS BUENOS SE VAN
ELLOS VOLABAN MUY CERCA DEL SOL
LLORO POR NADA
LLORO POR NADIE
... SOLO POR TI