1 - Módulo basico
Tres brujas miran tres relojes Swatch. ¿Qué bruja mira qué reloj?
En inglés:
Three witches watch three Swatch watches. Which witch watch which Swatch
watch?
2 - Módulo avanzado
Tres brujas "travestis" miran los botones de tres relojes Swatch. ¿Qué
bruja travesti mira los botones de qué reloj Swatch?
En inglés :
Three switched witches watch three Swatch watch switches. Which switched
witch watch which Swatch watch switch?
16 September, 2005
15 September, 2005
IRC vs MSN
Hola chatters del mundo… Yo…venia a hablaros de la fusión iRC-Messenger.
Todo comienza con el iRC,obviamente, porque si no conoces a gente, no puedes tener amigos…ejem “amigos” en el MSN. Así que un día te levantas y dices..BIEN! Hoy voy a conocer gente y… quien sabe? Igual me hago algun noviete.(Soy chica por si no se habian dado cuenta). Entras en la sala…Pongamos por ejemplo… Canal #Castellón de… Ozú, que siempre está con más de 100 personas de las cuales hablan siempre las mismas y te llenan el general de líneas contándose su vida y poniendo interminables filas de.. xDDDDDD… Y diciendo hola apaaaaaa!! A todo kiski, sumados con los tropecientos mil que buscan sexo, amor, alguien inteligente con quien hablar… en fin, tu entras con tu nick normal de toda la vida… Ana20 y.. a las dos milésimas de segundo, empiezan los privados, la perdición. Bien veamos…
Hola guapa.¿Qué tal?
Bien.
Respuesta escueta para alguien que te dice guapa sin tener ni pajotera idea de quien eres…Sigamos… otro privado…
hl amor, kieres ver mis 30 cm x cam?
No!
Pum! Ignore, a este tipo de chatters o se aburren de pelársela o esq se piensan que todos somos iguales… (Por cierto Alavo a quien inventó el ignore, muy util , si señor ^.^)
Ui ahora otro privado..
m djas xupart l pie? K talla usas?
M dejas yamar al manicomio? Ande vives¿?
En fin hay de todo…
Después de media hora poniendo ignores y de leer el general… por hacer algo.. otro privado:
Hola, que tal?Quieres charlar un rato?
Bueno, de todos los privados hasta ahora… este es el más normal…Bien, le contestaremos…
Muy bien, y tu?¡
Bien, también… De donde eres chica?
Por fin! Uno normal! Hablamos ¾ de hora por el iRC y al final… decide preguntarme…
Oye, me caes muy bien, te importa que nos demos el MSN?
Vale, apunta…
Y lo añades al MSN. Y seguís hablando por ahí, parece que este ha salido bien.. pero… no es todo tan rosa…porque chateas todos los días y conoces gente… y.. al final tienes a 200 contactos de los cuales hablas con 20 como mucho, incluyendo amigos, familiares, tus ex novios, rolletes… y los demás es como si no existieran…y si te hablan es para preguntarte alguna duda, claro como eres informática pues.. a quién van a acudir sinó…, también para pedirte esa foto que te mandaron hace tropecientos años y que tú, obviamente has borrado…
Anita [Felicidad ahí voy!] dice:
Vaya, pues no se donde la tendré, lo siento.
-Fran- ||Cuando te dan fuerte, duele|| dice:
Jooo xro si t la pasé hace un año solo!!!! Mala que eres :(
Y tú.. que si ale pírate. Y no se la pasas.
Luego están los típicos que agregas por aburrimiento… y luego resulta que son almas en pena que buscan pareja desesperadamente…
.:MaNu:. Cuando te encontrare? dice:
Hla q tal, tenes nvio?
Es lo primero que preguntan, así que cuidado con esos que van al ataquer.
Y tú no sabes que contestar… si le digo que sí… se irá pero mi conciencia no estará tranquila.. si le digo que no, se le abrirá un cielo y se enamorará de mi ipsofacto… Decides decirle:
Anita[Felicidad, ahí voy!] dice:
No tengo… xo me gusta un chico
Ahí se cortan un poco , pero siguen insistiendo…
Y entre toda esta fauna… están los salidos, que son los mejores.
Kieres k m corra para ti?
No gracias, correte pa tu madre majo :D
Y pum! Ignore.
Luego están los que te engañan y hacen cualquier cosa con tal de enseñarte la churra por la cam…
Ejemplo.. en el msn.. con su cam puesta…
Anita[Felicidad, ahí voy!] dice:
Ah pos nostas mal eh jeje
Pikote69[El sexo sin amor mola!] dice:
Gracias… quieres ver algo mas?
Anita[Felicidad, ahí voy!] dice:
Ehm nono, con tu cara yasta bien
Pikote69[El sexo sin amor mola!] dice:
Ah vale! Jeje….
Y zas! Baja la cámara y apunta al asunto en cuestión… y tu…
Anita[Felicidad, ahí voy!] dice:
Vale, venga muy bonita ale adiós
Y lo pones sin admisión…
Y entre toda esta fauna.. esperas encontrar a alguna persona decente como tú que no hable de sexo , ni te enseñe su nabo por la cam… y a veces la encuentras, y a veces….pos no xD.
Todo comienza con el iRC,obviamente, porque si no conoces a gente, no puedes tener amigos…ejem “amigos” en el MSN. Así que un día te levantas y dices..BIEN! Hoy voy a conocer gente y… quien sabe? Igual me hago algun noviete.(Soy chica por si no se habian dado cuenta). Entras en la sala…Pongamos por ejemplo… Canal #Castellón de… Ozú, que siempre está con más de 100 personas de las cuales hablan siempre las mismas y te llenan el general de líneas contándose su vida y poniendo interminables filas de.. xDDDDDD… Y diciendo hola apaaaaaa!! A todo kiski, sumados con los tropecientos mil que buscan sexo, amor, alguien inteligente con quien hablar… en fin, tu entras con tu nick normal de toda la vida… Ana20 y.. a las dos milésimas de segundo, empiezan los privados, la perdición. Bien veamos…
Respuesta escueta para alguien que te dice guapa sin tener ni pajotera idea de quien eres…Sigamos… otro privado…
Pum! Ignore, a este tipo de chatters o se aburren de pelársela o esq se piensan que todos somos iguales… (Por cierto Alavo a quien inventó el ignore, muy util , si señor ^.^)
Ui ahora otro privado..
En fin hay de todo…
Después de media hora poniendo ignores y de leer el general… por hacer algo.. otro privado:
Bueno, de todos los privados hasta ahora… este es el más normal…Bien, le contestaremos…
Por fin! Uno normal! Hablamos ¾ de hora por el iRC y al final… decide preguntarme…
Y lo añades al MSN. Y seguís hablando por ahí, parece que este ha salido bien.. pero… no es todo tan rosa…porque chateas todos los días y conoces gente… y.. al final tienes a 200 contactos de los cuales hablas con 20 como mucho, incluyendo amigos, familiares, tus ex novios, rolletes… y los demás es como si no existieran…y si te hablan es para preguntarte alguna duda, claro como eres informática pues.. a quién van a acudir sinó…, también para pedirte esa foto que te mandaron hace tropecientos años y que tú, obviamente has borrado…
Anita [Felicidad ahí voy!] dice:
Vaya, pues no se donde la tendré, lo siento.
-Fran- ||Cuando te dan fuerte, duele|| dice:
Jooo xro si t la pasé hace un año solo!!!! Mala que eres :(
Y tú.. que si ale pírate. Y no se la pasas.
Luego están los típicos que agregas por aburrimiento… y luego resulta que son almas en pena que buscan pareja desesperadamente…
.:MaNu:. Cuando te encontrare? dice:
Hla q tal, tenes nvio?
Es lo primero que preguntan, así que cuidado con esos que van al ataquer.
Y tú no sabes que contestar… si le digo que sí… se irá pero mi conciencia no estará tranquila.. si le digo que no, se le abrirá un cielo y se enamorará de mi ipsofacto… Decides decirle:
Anita[Felicidad, ahí voy!] dice:
No tengo… xo me gusta un chico
Ahí se cortan un poco , pero siguen insistiendo…
Y entre toda esta fauna… están los salidos, que son los mejores.
Y pum! Ignore.
Luego están los que te engañan y hacen cualquier cosa con tal de enseñarte la churra por la cam…
Ejemplo.. en el msn.. con su cam puesta…
Anita[Felicidad, ahí voy!] dice:
Ah pos nostas mal eh jeje
Pikote69[El sexo sin amor mola!] dice:
Gracias… quieres ver algo mas?
Anita[Felicidad, ahí voy!] dice:
Ehm nono, con tu cara yasta bien
Pikote69[El sexo sin amor mola!] dice:
Ah vale! Jeje….
Y zas! Baja la cámara y apunta al asunto en cuestión… y tu…
Anita[Felicidad, ahí voy!] dice:
Vale, venga muy bonita ale adiós
Y lo pones sin admisión…
Y entre toda esta fauna.. esperas encontrar a alguna persona decente como tú que no hable de sexo , ni te enseñe su nabo por la cam… y a veces la encuentras, y a veces….pos no xD.
13 September, 2005
Great Beer Quotes
I am a firm believer in the people. If given the truth, they can be depended upon to meet any national crisis. The great point is to bring them the real facts, and beer.
Abraham Lincoln
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
Stephen Wright
One of the hallmarks of the baby boomer generation is that it doesn't live like the previous generation. It hasn't yet given up jeans and T-shirts or beer.
Ron Klugman, SVP, Coors Brewing
Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
Benjamin Franklin
The roots and herbs beaten and put into new ale or beer and daily drunk, cleareth, strengthen and quicken the sight of the eyes.
Nicholas Culpeper
Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
Dave Barry
[I recommend]...bread, meat, vegetables and beer.
Sophocles' philosophy of a moderate diet
Alright brain, I don't like you and you don't like me, so just get me through this exam so I can go back to killing you slowly with beer.
Homer Simpson
Oh, lager beer! It makes good cheer, And proves the poor man's worth; It cools the body through and through, and regulates the health.
Anonymous
Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
Jack Handy
Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
Dave Barry
I would give all my fame for a pot of ale and safety.
Shakespeare, Henry V
Make sure that the beer - four pints a week - goes to the troops under fire before any of the parties in the rear get a drop.
Winston Churchill to his Secretary of War, 1944
We old folks have to find our cushions and pillows in our tankards. Strong beer is the milk of the old.
Martin Luther
Beer will always have a definite role in the diet of an individual and can be considered a cog in the wheel of nutritional foods.
Bruce Carlton
No soldier can fight unless he is properly fed on beef and beer.
John Churchill, First Duke of Marlborough
An oppressive government is more to be feared than a tiger, or a beer.
Confucius
If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs.
David Daye
He was a wise man who invented beer.
Plato
This is grain, which any fool can eat, but for which the Lord intended a more divine means of consumption... Beer!
Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves, Friar Tuck
Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.
Kaiser Wilhelm
Beer: So much more than just a breakfast drink.
Whitstran Brewery sign
"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel shamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
Jack Handy
"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. "
Frank Sinatra
"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
Henny Youngman
"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!"
Brian O'Rourke
BEER: HELPING UGLY PEOPLE HAVE SEX SINCE 3000 B.C.!!!
"Unknown"
Remember "I" before "E", except in Budweiser.
To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can!
And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin, of Cheers. One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm. Here's how it went:
"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."
Abraham Lincoln
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
Stephen Wright
One of the hallmarks of the baby boomer generation is that it doesn't live like the previous generation. It hasn't yet given up jeans and T-shirts or beer.
Ron Klugman, SVP, Coors Brewing
Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
Benjamin Franklin
The roots and herbs beaten and put into new ale or beer and daily drunk, cleareth, strengthen and quicken the sight of the eyes.
Nicholas Culpeper
Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
Dave Barry
[I recommend]...bread, meat, vegetables and beer.
Sophocles' philosophy of a moderate diet
Alright brain, I don't like you and you don't like me, so just get me through this exam so I can go back to killing you slowly with beer.
Homer Simpson
Oh, lager beer! It makes good cheer, And proves the poor man's worth; It cools the body through and through, and regulates the health.
Anonymous
Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
Jack Handy
Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
Dave Barry
I would give all my fame for a pot of ale and safety.
Shakespeare, Henry V
Make sure that the beer - four pints a week - goes to the troops under fire before any of the parties in the rear get a drop.
Winston Churchill to his Secretary of War, 1944
We old folks have to find our cushions and pillows in our tankards. Strong beer is the milk of the old.
Martin Luther
Beer will always have a definite role in the diet of an individual and can be considered a cog in the wheel of nutritional foods.
Bruce Carlton
No soldier can fight unless he is properly fed on beef and beer.
John Churchill, First Duke of Marlborough
An oppressive government is more to be feared than a tiger, or a beer.
Confucius
If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs.
David Daye
He was a wise man who invented beer.
Plato
This is grain, which any fool can eat, but for which the Lord intended a more divine means of consumption... Beer!
Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves, Friar Tuck
Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.
Kaiser Wilhelm
Beer: So much more than just a breakfast drink.
Whitstran Brewery sign
"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel shamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
Jack Handy
"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. "
Frank Sinatra
"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
Henny Youngman
"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!"
Brian O'Rourke
BEER: HELPING UGLY PEOPLE HAVE SEX SINCE 3000 B.C.!!!
"Unknown"
Remember "I" before "E", except in Budweiser.
To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can!
And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin, of Cheers. One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm. Here's how it went:
"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."
10 September, 2005
Carta con moraleja
>Un soldado español destinado en Irak recibe una carta de su novia desde
>España.
>La carta decía lo siguiente:
>"Querido Luis:
>Ya no puedo continuar con esta relación. La distancia que nos separa es
>demasiado grande.
>Tengo que admitir que te he sido infiel dos veces desde que te fuiste y
>creo
>que ni tu ni yo nos merecemos esto, lo siento.
>Por favor devuélveme la foto que te envié.
>Con amor, María."
>
>
>
>El soldado, muy herido, le pidió a todos sus compañeros que le regalaran
>fotos de sus novias, hermanas, amigas, tías, primas, etc. Junto con la foto
>de María incluyó todas esas otras fotos que había recolectado de sus
>amigos.
>
>Había 57 fotos en el sobre y una nota que decía:
>"Querida María:
>perdóname, pero no puedo recordar quien eres.
>Por favor, busca tu foto en el paquete y me devuelves el resto."
>
>
>
>
>
>MORALEJA: Aún derrotado... hay que SABER JODER AL ENEMIGO.
>España.
>La carta decía lo siguiente:
>"Querido Luis:
>Ya no puedo continuar con esta relación. La distancia que nos separa es
>demasiado grande.
>Tengo que admitir que te he sido infiel dos veces desde que te fuiste y
>creo
>que ni tu ni yo nos merecemos esto, lo siento.
>Por favor devuélveme la foto que te envié.
>Con amor, María."
>
>
>
>El soldado, muy herido, le pidió a todos sus compañeros que le regalaran
>fotos de sus novias, hermanas, amigas, tías, primas, etc. Junto con la foto
>de María incluyó todas esas otras fotos que había recolectado de sus
>amigos.
>
>Había 57 fotos en el sobre y una nota que decía:
>"Querida María:
>perdóname, pero no puedo recordar quien eres.
>Por favor, busca tu foto en el paquete y me devuelves el resto."
>
>
>
>
>
>MORALEJA: Aún derrotado... hay que SABER JODER AL ENEMIGO.
08 September, 2005
Memorable Quotes from Splinter Cell: Chaos Theory
Sam Fisher: Lasers? Lasers are so...
Anna: Nineties?
Sam Fisher: I was going to say 'Seventies'. Would you stop making me feel old?
Anna: I have bad news for you, Sam. You ARE old.
[Fisher shoots a civilian who was tortured to death]
Irving Lambert: Fisher! What the hell are you doing?
Sam Fisher: Making sure he wasn't suffering.
Irving Lambert: Well, NATO rounds in a civilian is not going to help us, Fisher. Get back to work!
Douglas Shetland: [pointing guns at one another] It doesn't have to end like this, Sam.
Sam Fisher: No, but it does have to end...
Douglas Shetland: On that we agree. We've been fighting these dirty little wars our whole lives, and where do we end up? Staring at each other down the barrels of our guns. Nothing has changed, Sam, but I won't change my degrees. We have to tear it down and start over; it's the only way.
Sam Fisher: Your own little Chaos Theory; throw the whole world into war and hope that whatever comes out the other side is better?
Douglas Shetland: It will be better because this war will change things, Sam. Every other war has been about keeping things the same, but the status quo doesn't work anymore. America is sick, Sam... she's dying, Sam; the politicians, the bureaucrats, the whispered backroom deals, it's all life support for a sick old woman who was dead a long time ago.
Sam Fisher: The only backroom deals I've seen lately have been made by you. You're a murderer and a war criminal.
Douglas Shetland: Those are the only names the state has for the revolutionaries. You only become a hero after the war is over. You know the truth; the world is built from the bottom-up, not the other way around. Honor, courage, fidelity, we don't inherit these things from the world, Sam; we build the world from them. You believe in these things more than any government, and I know because of it you wouldn't shoot and old friend
Sam Fisher: [staring over Shetland's corpse] You're right, Doug; I wouldn't shoot an old friend.
Bank Guard: Hey, Emilio, have you seen these new motion sensing lights?
Emilio: No! What do they do?
Bank Guard: When they detect movement, the light turns on!
Emilio: Dat's-dat's amazing!
Bank Guard: Like magic!
Sam Fisher: [at a Japanese tea house, Sam has grabbed a guard from behind in a choke-hold] Bad news.
Guard: Agh! I knew it! I knew there were ninjas around here!
Sam Fisher: What?
Guard: Yeah, you've gotta be a ninja. How else could you sneak up and grab me like that?
Sam Fisher: Listen, I don't know what -
Guard: Wow! A real, live, ninja! I can't believe it!
Sam Fisher: Listen, I'm going to kill you if -
Guard: *Wow*! Killed by a ninja... cool!
Captain Arthur Partridge: When was the last time I saw you?
Sam Fisher: I'm afraid I have no recollection of that, Senator.
Captain Arthur Partridge: That's right!
Anna: The Maria Narcissa.
Sam Fisher: Sounds like your setting me up for another blind date.
Anna: The Maria Narcissa is a boat.
Sam Fisher: So was the last girl you set me up with.
Anna: Fisher!
Sam Fisher: Sorry.
Sam Fisher: Lambert, now that I got 50 million bucks with me, it's time to talk about a raise.
Irving Lambert: Hmmm. 25 cents an hour and not a penny more.
Sam Fisher: Deal.
Sam Fisher: [after putting the exec. in a chokehold] Nice suit. Italian?
Displace Executive: Grrgghhh... yes! Andretti!
Sam Fisher: What?
Displace Executive: Andretti; famous designer: men's suits and tuxedos.
Sam Fisher: I'm not a tuxedo kind of guy.
Displace Executive: Grrrrgghhhh...are you a spy?
Sam Fisher: Yeah, the real kind, not the tuxedo kind. I'm the kind that makes you bleed all over your Andretti unless you give me information!
Displace Executive: Oh, God!
Admiral Toshiro Otomo: American! What have you done?
Sam Fisher: Give it up, Admiral, it's over.
Admiral Toshiro Otomo: Ha! Do you think that I will surrender to you? Allow your people to strip me of my dignity? Throw me in chains? No, my people have endured your *charming* oppression for more than sixty years!
Sam Fisher: You say tomato...
Admiral Toshiro Otomo: Americans; always turning to their jokes when their hearts are full of fear. You should be afraid; I may be defeated, but I am a man whose ideas and beliefs are stronger than most. You have stopped this war, American, but the dragon has been awakened, and he will not be so easily sedated this time.
[Otomo unsheathes a sword and attempts to commit Sepuku]
Irving Lambert: [over Fisher's radio] What happened?
Sam Fisher: I think someone is taking himself a little too seriously.
Irving Lambert: Well, we can't afford to let him die, Fisher. Get in there and stablize him. Hurry!
Sam Fisher: [interrogating the base commander] It's a game of position, colonel and you've already lost. Do you need to condemn 50,000 men, as well?
North Korean Colonel: They're not my men, they're your men, American.
Sam Fisher: They're not my men, Colonel, they're just men, sons, husbands and fathers like you and me. Do they need to die for our mistakes?
Guard: [after being taken captive by Sam at the ISDF Building] Who are you?
Sam Fisher: I'm the good guy here to save your world
Guard: I thought I was the good guy
Sam Fisher: No, no you're the side with the super secret underground base and I'm the guy who's trying to break in to the base which makes me the good guy.
Guard: [after being taken captive by Sam on the roof of the Displace office] Hey who are you?
Sam Fisher: Pretend I'm Harry Tubman
Guard: Who?
Sam Fisher: I'm an ill-tempered, heavily-armed heating engineer asking about your ventilation system.
Guard: I guess, I guess it's not working properly since the blackout
Sam Fisher: So it shouldn't take much to shut down that big fan if i wanted to.
Guard: I, I don't know why would you want to do that?
Sam Fisher: The adventure, the travel.
Guard: ...Okay
William Redding: [informing Sam of the real identity of a person] The Bosnian Barber!
Sam Fisher: I already have a barber but I think he's Italian, you know, the place right beside the donut shop.
Anna: The missile is closing in fast on the U.S.S. Ronald Reagan.
Sam Fisher: Wait a minute... did you just say I have to win one for the Gipper?
Anna: Dude, what does that even mean?
Sam Fisher: Never mind. You're right Grim; I am old.
Sam Fisher: [taking a Peruvian guard captive] You look important.
Guard: I am loyal you will get nothing from me.
Sam Fisher: Is that so? Hmm. It looks like you forgot to shave this morning, here let me help.
[starts sliding his knife]
Guard: Hey, what are you doing? OK. OK. What do you want to know?
Anna: Nineties?
Sam Fisher: I was going to say 'Seventies'. Would you stop making me feel old?
Anna: I have bad news for you, Sam. You ARE old.
[Fisher shoots a civilian who was tortured to death]
Irving Lambert: Fisher! What the hell are you doing?
Sam Fisher: Making sure he wasn't suffering.
Irving Lambert: Well, NATO rounds in a civilian is not going to help us, Fisher. Get back to work!
Douglas Shetland: [pointing guns at one another] It doesn't have to end like this, Sam.
Sam Fisher: No, but it does have to end...
Douglas Shetland: On that we agree. We've been fighting these dirty little wars our whole lives, and where do we end up? Staring at each other down the barrels of our guns. Nothing has changed, Sam, but I won't change my degrees. We have to tear it down and start over; it's the only way.
Sam Fisher: Your own little Chaos Theory; throw the whole world into war and hope that whatever comes out the other side is better?
Douglas Shetland: It will be better because this war will change things, Sam. Every other war has been about keeping things the same, but the status quo doesn't work anymore. America is sick, Sam... she's dying, Sam; the politicians, the bureaucrats, the whispered backroom deals, it's all life support for a sick old woman who was dead a long time ago.
Sam Fisher: The only backroom deals I've seen lately have been made by you. You're a murderer and a war criminal.
Douglas Shetland: Those are the only names the state has for the revolutionaries. You only become a hero after the war is over. You know the truth; the world is built from the bottom-up, not the other way around. Honor, courage, fidelity, we don't inherit these things from the world, Sam; we build the world from them. You believe in these things more than any government, and I know because of it you wouldn't shoot and old friend
Sam Fisher: [staring over Shetland's corpse] You're right, Doug; I wouldn't shoot an old friend.
Bank Guard: Hey, Emilio, have you seen these new motion sensing lights?
Emilio: No! What do they do?
Bank Guard: When they detect movement, the light turns on!
Emilio: Dat's-dat's amazing!
Bank Guard: Like magic!
Sam Fisher: [at a Japanese tea house, Sam has grabbed a guard from behind in a choke-hold] Bad news.
Guard: Agh! I knew it! I knew there were ninjas around here!
Sam Fisher: What?
Guard: Yeah, you've gotta be a ninja. How else could you sneak up and grab me like that?
Sam Fisher: Listen, I don't know what -
Guard: Wow! A real, live, ninja! I can't believe it!
Sam Fisher: Listen, I'm going to kill you if -
Guard: *Wow*! Killed by a ninja... cool!
Captain Arthur Partridge: When was the last time I saw you?
Sam Fisher: I'm afraid I have no recollection of that, Senator.
Captain Arthur Partridge: That's right!
Anna: The Maria Narcissa.
Sam Fisher: Sounds like your setting me up for another blind date.
Anna: The Maria Narcissa is a boat.
Sam Fisher: So was the last girl you set me up with.
Anna: Fisher!
Sam Fisher: Sorry.
Sam Fisher: Lambert, now that I got 50 million bucks with me, it's time to talk about a raise.
Irving Lambert: Hmmm. 25 cents an hour and not a penny more.
Sam Fisher: Deal.
Sam Fisher: [after putting the exec. in a chokehold] Nice suit. Italian?
Displace Executive: Grrgghhh... yes! Andretti!
Sam Fisher: What?
Displace Executive: Andretti; famous designer: men's suits and tuxedos.
Sam Fisher: I'm not a tuxedo kind of guy.
Displace Executive: Grrrrgghhhh...are you a spy?
Sam Fisher: Yeah, the real kind, not the tuxedo kind. I'm the kind that makes you bleed all over your Andretti unless you give me information!
Displace Executive: Oh, God!
Admiral Toshiro Otomo: American! What have you done?
Sam Fisher: Give it up, Admiral, it's over.
Admiral Toshiro Otomo: Ha! Do you think that I will surrender to you? Allow your people to strip me of my dignity? Throw me in chains? No, my people have endured your *charming* oppression for more than sixty years!
Sam Fisher: You say tomato...
Admiral Toshiro Otomo: Americans; always turning to their jokes when their hearts are full of fear. You should be afraid; I may be defeated, but I am a man whose ideas and beliefs are stronger than most. You have stopped this war, American, but the dragon has been awakened, and he will not be so easily sedated this time.
[Otomo unsheathes a sword and attempts to commit Sepuku]
Irving Lambert: [over Fisher's radio] What happened?
Sam Fisher: I think someone is taking himself a little too seriously.
Irving Lambert: Well, we can't afford to let him die, Fisher. Get in there and stablize him. Hurry!
Sam Fisher: [interrogating the base commander] It's a game of position, colonel and you've already lost. Do you need to condemn 50,000 men, as well?
North Korean Colonel: They're not my men, they're your men, American.
Sam Fisher: They're not my men, Colonel, they're just men, sons, husbands and fathers like you and me. Do they need to die for our mistakes?
Guard: [after being taken captive by Sam at the ISDF Building] Who are you?
Sam Fisher: I'm the good guy here to save your world
Guard: I thought I was the good guy
Sam Fisher: No, no you're the side with the super secret underground base and I'm the guy who's trying to break in to the base which makes me the good guy.
Guard: [after being taken captive by Sam on the roof of the Displace office] Hey who are you?
Sam Fisher: Pretend I'm Harry Tubman
Guard: Who?
Sam Fisher: I'm an ill-tempered, heavily-armed heating engineer asking about your ventilation system.
Guard: I guess, I guess it's not working properly since the blackout
Sam Fisher: So it shouldn't take much to shut down that big fan if i wanted to.
Guard: I, I don't know why would you want to do that?
Sam Fisher: The adventure, the travel.
Guard: ...Okay
William Redding: [informing Sam of the real identity of a person] The Bosnian Barber!
Sam Fisher: I already have a barber but I think he's Italian, you know, the place right beside the donut shop.
Anna: The missile is closing in fast on the U.S.S. Ronald Reagan.
Sam Fisher: Wait a minute... did you just say I have to win one for the Gipper?
Anna: Dude, what does that even mean?
Sam Fisher: Never mind. You're right Grim; I am old.
Sam Fisher: [taking a Peruvian guard captive] You look important.
Guard: I am loyal you will get nothing from me.
Sam Fisher: Is that so? Hmm. It looks like you forgot to shave this morning, here let me help.
[starts sliding his knife]
Guard: Hey, what are you doing? OK. OK. What do you want to know?
05 September, 2005
EL Trabajo y sus secretos
>¿Alguna vez te has preguntado... qué significa 100%? ¿Qué es dar MÁS del
>100%?
>
>
>
>¿Alguna vez te has preguntado cómo son esas personas que dicen que dan MÁS
>del 100%?
>
>
>
>Todos hemos asistido a reuniones en las que alguien nos ha pedido que demos
>MÁS del 100%. ¿Qué te parece alcanzar el 103%?
>
>
>
>¿De qué está compuesto el 100% en esta vida?
>
>
>
>A continuación figura una simpe fórmula matemática que puede que te ayude a
> responder a estas preguntas:
>
>
>
>Si:
>
>
>
> A B C D E F G H I J K L M N Ñ O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
>
>
>
>equivalen a los siguientes números:
>
>
>
> 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25
>26 27
>
>
>
>Entonces:
>
>
>
> T-R-A-B-A-J-A-R = 21+19+1+2+1+10+1+19 = 74%
>
>
>
>y
>
>
>
> S-A-B-I-D-U-R-I-A = 20+1+2+9+4+22+19+1 = 78%
>
>
>
>Pero,
>
>
>
> D-E-S-E-M-P-E-Ñ-O = 4+5+20+5+13+17+5+15+16 = 100%
>
>
>
>y,
>
>
>
> M-E-N-T-I-R-A-S ! = 13+5+14+21+9+19+1+20 = 102%
>
>
>
>
>
>Y, mira lo lejos que te llevará lamer culos:
>
>
>
> L-A-M-E-R C-U-L-O-S = 12+1+13+5+19+3+22+12+16+20 = 123%
>
>
>
>
>
>Así que, podemos concluir que es matemáticamente cierto que mientras que:
>
>
>
>"TRABAJAR" y tener "SABIDURIA" te ponen en buen camino
>
>
>
>"DESEMPEÑO" te hará llegar al 100%
>
>
>
> las "MENTIRAS" y "LAMER CULOS" te harán sobrepasar el 100%
>
>
>
>
>
>Así que OJITO entonces cuando te digan que tinees que dar más del 100%
>100%?
>
>
>
>¿Alguna vez te has preguntado cómo son esas personas que dicen que dan MÁS
>del 100%?
>
>
>
>Todos hemos asistido a reuniones en las que alguien nos ha pedido que demos
>MÁS del 100%. ¿Qué te parece alcanzar el 103%?
>
>
>
>¿De qué está compuesto el 100% en esta vida?
>
>
>
>A continuación figura una simpe fórmula matemática que puede que te ayude a
> responder a estas preguntas:
>
>
>
>Si:
>
>
>
> A B C D E F G H I J K L M N Ñ O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
>
>
>
>equivalen a los siguientes números:
>
>
>
> 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25
>26 27
>
>
>
>Entonces:
>
>
>
> T-R-A-B-A-J-A-R = 21+19+1+2+1+10+1+19 = 74%
>
>
>
>y
>
>
>
> S-A-B-I-D-U-R-I-A = 20+1+2+9+4+22+19+1 = 78%
>
>
>
>Pero,
>
>
>
> D-E-S-E-M-P-E-Ñ-O = 4+5+20+5+13+17+5+15+16 = 100%
>
>
>
>y,
>
>
>
> M-E-N-T-I-R-A-S ! = 13+5+14+21+9+19+1+20 = 102%
>
>
>
>
>
>Y, mira lo lejos que te llevará lamer culos:
>
>
>
> L-A-M-E-R C-U-L-O-S = 12+1+13+5+19+3+22+12+16+20 = 123%
>
>
>
>
>
>Así que, podemos concluir que es matemáticamente cierto que mientras que:
>
>
>
>"TRABAJAR" y tener "SABIDURIA" te ponen en buen camino
>
>
>
>"DESEMPEÑO" te hará llegar al 100%
>
>
>
> las "MENTIRAS" y "LAMER CULOS" te harán sobrepasar el 100%
>
>
>
>
>
>Así que OJITO entonces cuando te digan que tinees que dar más del 100%
01 September, 2005
HOUSECLEANING TIPS FOR INTERNET JUNKIES
Sweeping and Mopping the floors -- Have dog sweep floors with tail and lick up all crumbs. Any stubborn spots that require scrubbing recruit cat... may have to add tuna water to spot. If you don't have a dog or cat... well you are in trouble ... go find one roaming the neighborhood quick!
Vacuuming -- Call for demo from salesman. Have him show you how the vacuum works in all parts of the house ... insisting the carpet looks the same...but really is different in all parts of the house. Tips for success: Don't always call same company ... keep a chart and rotate.
Dusting -- Only do what is at eye level or below. And only right before someone is coming over! Run rag over everything quickly (don't even waste your precious time on the Pledge or Endust... that's minutes away from your computer ... and that just is unacceptable!). For the illusion of using those products ... spray a few squirts to air like air freshener.
Laundry -- First find a good place to hide it! If you have to do it... like you have no underwear... (heck who needs underwear). Okay ... lets say its time to fold those rotten clothes ... run the dryer again... and again and again ... and when the utility bill comes... have a stroke!
Cleaning toilet -- Close the lid.
Cleaning Shower -- Close the shower door or curtain.
Cleaning the rest of the Bathroom -- Close the door. Again ... for the illusion of a freshly cleaned bath ... pour some Lysol in the trash can ... that illusion will stay until you finally get someone to empty the trash for you. Speaking of which......
Taking out the Trash -- If you cant find anyone in your house to take it out... bribe a neighbor ... say you hurt your back or some other sob story... that one might be good for getting at least a few sympathy dinners out of the neighbor as well! Try not to use it too often ... they might get suspicious.
Dishes -- Dishwasher ... if it doesn't come off run it again and again ...if that doesn't work ... throw the dish out and start fresh. Better yet ... paper plates, plastic utensils and plastic cups are far better way to go... (as long as your neighbor is taking out the trash).
We hope you find our list helpful in allowing you more and more online time. As we have all learned frozen dinners and take out foods are a life saver on those days that you just cant seem to get your butt outta the puter chair ... good luck... We hope to see more of you online soon!
Vacuuming -- Call for demo from salesman. Have him show you how the vacuum works in all parts of the house ... insisting the carpet looks the same...but really is different in all parts of the house. Tips for success: Don't always call same company ... keep a chart and rotate.
Dusting -- Only do what is at eye level or below. And only right before someone is coming over! Run rag over everything quickly (don't even waste your precious time on the Pledge or Endust... that's minutes away from your computer ... and that just is unacceptable!). For the illusion of using those products ... spray a few squirts to air like air freshener.
Laundry -- First find a good place to hide it! If you have to do it... like you have no underwear... (heck who needs underwear). Okay ... lets say its time to fold those rotten clothes ... run the dryer again... and again and again ... and when the utility bill comes... have a stroke!
Cleaning toilet -- Close the lid.
Cleaning Shower -- Close the shower door or curtain.
Cleaning the rest of the Bathroom -- Close the door. Again ... for the illusion of a freshly cleaned bath ... pour some Lysol in the trash can ... that illusion will stay until you finally get someone to empty the trash for you. Speaking of which......
Taking out the Trash -- If you cant find anyone in your house to take it out... bribe a neighbor ... say you hurt your back or some other sob story... that one might be good for getting at least a few sympathy dinners out of the neighbor as well! Try not to use it too often ... they might get suspicious.
Dishes -- Dishwasher ... if it doesn't come off run it again and again ...if that doesn't work ... throw the dish out and start fresh. Better yet ... paper plates, plastic utensils and plastic cups are far better way to go... (as long as your neighbor is taking out the trash).
We hope you find our list helpful in allowing you more and more online time. As we have all learned frozen dinners and take out foods are a life saver on those days that you just cant seem to get your butt outta the puter chair ... good luck... We hope to see more of you online soon!
Pussy Versus Beer
A beer is always wet.
A pussy needs encouragement.
Advantage: Beer.
A beer tastes horrible served hot.
A pussy tastes better served hot.
Advantage: Pussy.
Having an ice cold beer makes you satisfied. Having an ice
cold pussy makes you Hillary Clinton.
Advantage: Beer.
Beers have commercials making fun of skunky ones.
Pussy does not.
Advantage: Draw.
If you get a hair in your teeth consuming pussy, you are not
disgusted.
Advantage: Pussy
24 beers come in a box.
A pussy is a box you can come in.
Advantage: Pussy.
Too much head makes you mad at the person giving you a
beer.
Advantage: Pussy.
If a beer is brewed with yeast, it is still edible.
Advantage: Beer.
If you come home smelling like beer, your wife may get mad.
If you come home smelling like pussy, she will definitely
get mad.
Advantage: Beer.
6 beers in a night and you better not drive.
6 pussies in a night and you have done all the driving you
need.
Advantage: Pussy
Buy too much beer and you will get fat.
Buy too much pussy and you will get poor.
Advantage: Draw
It is socially acceptable to have a beer in the stands at a
football game.
You are a legend if you have a pussy in the stands at a
football game.
Advantage: Pussy
If a cop smells beer on your breath, you are going to get a
breathalyzer.
If a cop smells pussy on your breath, you are going to get a
high five.
Advantage: Pussy
With beer, bigger is better.
Advantage: Beer.
Wearing a condom does not make a beer any less enjoyable.
Advantage: Beer.
Beer can make you see the porcelain God.
Pussy can make you see God.
Advantage: Pussy
If you think all day about your next beer, you are
an alcoholic.
If you think all day about the next pussy you will have, you
are normal.
Advantage: Pussy
Peeling labels off of beers is fun.
Peeling panties off of pussy is more fun.
Advantage: Pussy.
If you try to snag a beer at work, you get fired.
If you try to snag a pussy at work, you get hit with sexual
harassment.
Advantage: Draw
If you suddenly drop a beer, it may break.
If you suddenly drop a pussy, it may hunt you down like the
dog you are.
Advantage: Beer.
If you change to another beer, your old brand will gladly
have you back.
Advantage: beer.
The best pussy you have ever had is not gone once you have
enjoyed it.
Advantage: Pussy.
The worst pussy you have ever had is not gone once you have
enjoyed it.
Advantage: Beer.
Bad beer: Schlitz, Pabst Blue Ribbon, Old Swill. Bad pussy:
Roseanne, Janet Reno, Madeline Albright, Dana Doran
Advantage: Draw
Good beer: Guinness, Sam Adams, New Castle.
Good pussy: Almost all but the above.
Advantage: Pussy.
The government taxes beer.
Advantage: Pussy.
It's a close call, but the numbers never lie.
Advantage: Pussy.
A pussy needs encouragement.
Advantage: Beer.
A beer tastes horrible served hot.
A pussy tastes better served hot.
Advantage: Pussy.
Having an ice cold beer makes you satisfied. Having an ice
cold pussy makes you Hillary Clinton.
Advantage: Beer.
Beers have commercials making fun of skunky ones.
Pussy does not.
Advantage: Draw.
If you get a hair in your teeth consuming pussy, you are not
disgusted.
Advantage: Pussy
24 beers come in a box.
A pussy is a box you can come in.
Advantage: Pussy.
Too much head makes you mad at the person giving you a
beer.
Advantage: Pussy.
If a beer is brewed with yeast, it is still edible.
Advantage: Beer.
If you come home smelling like beer, your wife may get mad.
If you come home smelling like pussy, she will definitely
get mad.
Advantage: Beer.
6 beers in a night and you better not drive.
6 pussies in a night and you have done all the driving you
need.
Advantage: Pussy
Buy too much beer and you will get fat.
Buy too much pussy and you will get poor.
Advantage: Draw
It is socially acceptable to have a beer in the stands at a
football game.
You are a legend if you have a pussy in the stands at a
football game.
Advantage: Pussy
If a cop smells beer on your breath, you are going to get a
breathalyzer.
If a cop smells pussy on your breath, you are going to get a
high five.
Advantage: Pussy
With beer, bigger is better.
Advantage: Beer.
Wearing a condom does not make a beer any less enjoyable.
Advantage: Beer.
Beer can make you see the porcelain God.
Pussy can make you see God.
Advantage: Pussy
If you think all day about your next beer, you are
an alcoholic.
If you think all day about the next pussy you will have, you
are normal.
Advantage: Pussy
Peeling labels off of beers is fun.
Peeling panties off of pussy is more fun.
Advantage: Pussy.
If you try to snag a beer at work, you get fired.
If you try to snag a pussy at work, you get hit with sexual
harassment.
Advantage: Draw
If you suddenly drop a beer, it may break.
If you suddenly drop a pussy, it may hunt you down like the
dog you are.
Advantage: Beer.
If you change to another beer, your old brand will gladly
have you back.
Advantage: beer.
The best pussy you have ever had is not gone once you have
enjoyed it.
Advantage: Pussy.
The worst pussy you have ever had is not gone once you have
enjoyed it.
Advantage: Beer.
Bad beer: Schlitz, Pabst Blue Ribbon, Old Swill. Bad pussy:
Roseanne, Janet Reno, Madeline Albright, Dana Doran
Advantage: Draw
Good beer: Guinness, Sam Adams, New Castle.
Good pussy: Almost all but the above.
Advantage: Pussy.
The government taxes beer.
Advantage: Pussy.
It's a close call, but the numbers never lie.
Advantage: Pussy.
05 August, 2005
06 July, 2005
MAd Quotes IiI
“This is the sort of bloody nonsense up with which I will not put.” -- Winston Churchill
"The larger the island of knowledge, the longer the shoreline of mystery." -- Mary B. Yates
"I reject your reality and substitute my own!" -- Adam Savage
"Now. You're looking at now, sir. Everything that happens now is happening now." -- Spaceballs
In the beginning the Universe was created . This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move . - Douglas Adams
If you see a snake , just kill it - don't appoint a committee on snakes . - H. Ross Perot
A man is not idle because he is absorbed in thought . There is a visible labor and there is an invisible labor . - Victor Hugo
They say it's the quiet ones you gotta watch . This is a very dangerous policy , I'm willing to bet anything that while you're busy watching a quiet one a noisy one will fubing kill you . - George Carlin
The Earth is the greatest repository of Bad Luck in the Universe . Even if you've been around for billions of years , this little planet will screw you up like nothing you've encountered before . Your aeons-old law enforcement organization will fold . Your loyal scouts will suddenly start deserting you like there's no tomorrow . If you eat planets , you will not be able to digest this one. The queen of your vast empire will fall for a guy from this world . - Mark Mohrfield
"Vogon Poetry is widely held to be the third worst poetry in the Galaxy"
"It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious." - corollary of Murphy's Law
"You wouldn't know what crazy was if Charles Manson was eating Fruti Loops on your front porch." - Suicidal Tendencies
"If there is anything more important than my ego, I want it caught and shot now." - Zaphod Beeblebrox
"Waste more, want more." - Doug Luddwig
"f only we could lose touch with reality, there is no telling what level of success we could achieve." - Edward Gyurisin
"People think it must be fun to be a supergenius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world." - Calvin
No beast so fierce but knows some touch of pity.
But I know none and therefore am no beast. - Richard III, William Shakespeare
"We are all born mad. Some remain so." - Samuel Beckett
"Do you ever feel like you are dying. Everyone is born dying, so why do we feel in one difficult terrible moment so close to dying. Don't you wish you could be spread out like peanut butter." - Bridgette Richards
"Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeuuuuuuuupp" Michelangelo (tmnt)
"I'll be back" Arnold Schartzenneger
"If the man who invented the true was a lier is that mean the true is a lie?" found that in a grafity in public toillette
"Don't touch brun graphity" found at the same place
"You have to be aware" Jean-Claude Van Dame
"One by One, mankind can anderstand. But, togheter we are a bunch of idiots" tommy Lee Jones (M.I.B.)
Percy Bysshe Shelley (and Alan Moore)
"My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings:
Look upon my works, ye Mighty, and despair!"
"I like my coffee black just like my metal" Shut me Up, Mindless Self Indulgence.
"It takes months to build a house but five minutes to destroy it. Build anyway." Mother Theresa.
"The answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe and everything is... 42" The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.
"It's time to show your friends that you're worth a damn. Sometimes it means dying, sometimes it means killing a whole lot of people." Dwight, Sin City.
And a couple of comic-related quotes from the Black Mask in the current Batman run, written by Judd Winick, that I find really funny:
Li: Still... where there's smoke there's fire.
Black Mask: No, Where there's fire, there's fire and I have all the gasoline.
Black Mask: Just talk, I'm listening. But when I say "I'm listening" I'm also thinking about killing you.
Black Mask: yeah, well, I have anger management issues. I abate the urge by murdering the people that annoy me.
Black Mask: Li, will you please shut the hell up? I swear to God it's like running a criminal organization with my mother.
"You know our country is in trouble when our bombs are smarter than our president"
1.While having never invented a sin, I'm trying to perfect several.
2.When blondes have more fun, do they know it?
3.To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
4.The web isn't better than sex, but sliced bread is in serious trouble.
5. Some people wish to get what they deserve, while others fear the same.
6. Sometimes a majority only means that all the fools are on the same side.
7. Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
8. Never argue with a fool, they will lower you to their level and then beat you with experience.
9. Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.
10.Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
Before all else , be armed . - Niccolo Machiavelli
Of mankind we may say in general they are fickle , hypocritical , and greedy of gain . - Niccolo Machiavelli
A man may be a fool and not know it , but not if he is married . - H. L. Mencken
All government , of course , is against liberty . - H. L. Mencken
All men are frauds . The only difference between them is that some admit it . I myself deny it . - H. L. Mencken
"There lived many brave men before Agamemnon, but all are overwhelmed in unending night, unmourned and unknown, because they lack a poet to give them immortality." Horace
"I don't know how many of them it would have taken to kick my ass, but I knew how many they were going to use." Ron White
"When men become desperate they consult the gods. And when the gods become desperate, they tell lies." Lukhangwa
"Luck never gives, only lends." Swedish proverb
"That's the great advantage of making the same mistake a lot of times. You come to know it, and you can study it and get inside it, really make it yours." Joe Farrell
"Falling in love is the first mistake in life." Bei Dao
"Sounds like the modern high-tech equivalent of trying to peel your beer label off in one piece." Shane Douglas
"History is not the past; it is oour just-so story of the present, why things are the way they are." Joel GAzis-SAx
"These are those who came this way without the Cup of Sympathy. Each imagines the others to be terrifying demons and thinks he acts only in self-defense. Tragic and ironic, is it not?" Nud the Allmousey
"In Italy, for 30 years under the Borgias, they had warfare, terror, murder, bloodshed; but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci and the Renaissance. In Switzerland, they had brotherly love. They had 500 years of democracy and peace, and what did that produce? The cuckoo clock." Harry Lime
Seinfeld
George Costanza: Jerry, just remember, it's not a lie if you believe it.
Army of Darkness
Sheila: You found me beautiful once...
Ash: Honey, you got reeeal ugly!
"A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic."
-Joseph Stalin
personally i live by this one:
"When choosing between two evils, I always like to take the one I've never tried before."
-Mae West
"When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself."
- Peter O'Toole
Lady Astor: "Winston, if I were your wife I'd put poison in your coffee."
Winston Churchhill: "Nancy, if I were your husband I'd drink it."
Bessie Braddock: "Winston, your drunk!
Churchill: "Bessie, your ugly, and tomorrow morning I shall be sober
Sir Winston Churchill
Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the universe.
Albert Einstein
"if video games realll effected us as children, we'd all be sitting around in dark rooms listening to repetitive electronic music munching on pills"
-who knows
Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.--Benjamin Franklin
They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety. --Benjamin Franklin
Tomorrow Comes A Day Too Soon -- Flogging Molly
Doctor: Mr. Bertenshaw?
Mr. B: Me, Doctor.
Doctor: No, me doctor, you Mr. Bertenshaw.
-Monty Python
Jonathan Swift:
"When a true genius appears in this world, you may know him by this sign: that the dunces are all in a confederacy against him."
"What matters isn't being applauded when you arrive -- for that is common -- but being missed when you leave." Baltasar Gracian
"The brother hood of man is not a mere poet's dream; it is a most depressing and humiliating reality." Oscar Wilde
"The only reason some people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory." Paul Fix
"When I think over what I have said, I envy dumb people." Seneca
"Your reality, sir, is lies and balderdash and I am delighted to say that I have no grasp of it whatsoever." Baron Munchausen
"Take the world population, divide by one, and see how important you are." Charles Trenk
"Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life." George Bernard Shaw
"We slept like babies. We woke up every two hours and cried." Todd Skinner
"An object at rest cannot be stopped!" The Evil Midnight Bomber What Bombs at Midnight
"A philosopher might say that Joshua Norton was not wrong in his conviction that he was the emperor of the United States; he simply failed to convince the American people that they were his subjects." Dr. David Weeks
"Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted." ~ Albert Einstein
"He who cannot do what he wishes, must needs do as he can" ~ Proverb
"Think only of the past as its remembrance gives you pleasure" ~ Pride & Prejudice
"A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems." ~ Paul Erdos
"Be somebody, or be somebody's fool."
The immortal poet, Laurence Turead aka Mr. T
A-Team
Murdock: I'm not nuts, I'm condiments. I've been promoted.
Red Dwarf
Lister: This is crazy. Why are we talking about going to bed with Wilma Flintstone?
Cat: You're right. We're nuts. This is an insane conversation.
Lister: She'll never leave Fred, and we know it.
Dogma
Bethany: What's he like?
Metatron: God? Lonely, but funny. He's got a great sense of humor. Take sex for example. There's nothing funnier then the faces you people make mid-coitus.
Bethany: Sex is a joke in Heaven?
Metatron: The way I understand it, it's mostly a joke down here, too.
Return of the Living Dead
Zombie: Get this damn screwdriver out of my head!
Hellraiser
No tears, please. It's a waste of good suffering!
Hellraiser 3
Pinhead: Unbearable, isn't it? The suffering of strangers, the agony of friends. There is a secret song at the center of the world, Joey, and its sound is like razors through flesh.
Joey: I don't believe you.
Pinhead: Oh come, you can hear its faint echo right now. I'm here to turn up the volume. To press the stinking face of humanity into the dark blood of its own secret heart
"Experience is the worst teacher; it gives the test before presenting the lesson." Vernon Law
"If I am a gentleman and you are a gentleman, who will milk the cow?" Irish folk saying
"I never drive faster than I can see." Jack Burton
"To err is human, but when the eraser wears out ahead of the pencil, you're overdoing it." J. Jenkins
"When ideas fail, words come in very handy." Goethe
"Oh, about beer I never lie. A man who lies about beer makes enemies." Judson Crandall
"Is the soul itself a hell from which only demons gibber?" CG Jung
"Its legs are too short to reach the ground." Dean Fellabaum
"If you wish to drown, don't torture yourself with shallow waters." Belgian proverb
"Strange is man when he seeks after his gods." Robert Ripley (believe it or not)
"The larger the island of knowledge, the longer the shoreline of mystery." -- Mary B. Yates
"I reject your reality and substitute my own!" -- Adam Savage
"Now. You're looking at now, sir. Everything that happens now is happening now." -- Spaceballs
In the beginning the Universe was created . This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move . - Douglas Adams
If you see a snake , just kill it - don't appoint a committee on snakes . - H. Ross Perot
A man is not idle because he is absorbed in thought . There is a visible labor and there is an invisible labor . - Victor Hugo
They say it's the quiet ones you gotta watch . This is a very dangerous policy , I'm willing to bet anything that while you're busy watching a quiet one a noisy one will fubing kill you . - George Carlin
The Earth is the greatest repository of Bad Luck in the Universe . Even if you've been around for billions of years , this little planet will screw you up like nothing you've encountered before . Your aeons-old law enforcement organization will fold . Your loyal scouts will suddenly start deserting you like there's no tomorrow . If you eat planets , you will not be able to digest this one. The queen of your vast empire will fall for a guy from this world . - Mark Mohrfield
"Vogon Poetry is widely held to be the third worst poetry in the Galaxy"
"It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious." - corollary of Murphy's Law
"You wouldn't know what crazy was if Charles Manson was eating Fruti Loops on your front porch." - Suicidal Tendencies
"If there is anything more important than my ego, I want it caught and shot now." - Zaphod Beeblebrox
"Waste more, want more." - Doug Luddwig
"f only we could lose touch with reality, there is no telling what level of success we could achieve." - Edward Gyurisin
"People think it must be fun to be a supergenius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world." - Calvin
No beast so fierce but knows some touch of pity.
But I know none and therefore am no beast. - Richard III, William Shakespeare
"We are all born mad. Some remain so." - Samuel Beckett
"Do you ever feel like you are dying. Everyone is born dying, so why do we feel in one difficult terrible moment so close to dying. Don't you wish you could be spread out like peanut butter." - Bridgette Richards
"Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeuuuuuuuupp" Michelangelo (tmnt)
"I'll be back" Arnold Schartzenneger
"If the man who invented the true was a lier is that mean the true is a lie?" found that in a grafity in public toillette
"Don't touch brun graphity" found at the same place
"You have to be aware" Jean-Claude Van Dame
"One by One, mankind can anderstand. But, togheter we are a bunch of idiots" tommy Lee Jones (M.I.B.)
Percy Bysshe Shelley (and Alan Moore)
"My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings:
Look upon my works, ye Mighty, and despair!"
"I like my coffee black just like my metal" Shut me Up, Mindless Self Indulgence.
"It takes months to build a house but five minutes to destroy it. Build anyway." Mother Theresa.
"The answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe and everything is... 42" The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.
"It's time to show your friends that you're worth a damn. Sometimes it means dying, sometimes it means killing a whole lot of people." Dwight, Sin City.
And a couple of comic-related quotes from the Black Mask in the current Batman run, written by Judd Winick, that I find really funny:
Li: Still... where there's smoke there's fire.
Black Mask: No, Where there's fire, there's fire and I have all the gasoline.
Black Mask: Just talk, I'm listening. But when I say "I'm listening" I'm also thinking about killing you.
Black Mask: yeah, well, I have anger management issues. I abate the urge by murdering the people that annoy me.
Black Mask: Li, will you please shut the hell up? I swear to God it's like running a criminal organization with my mother.
"You know our country is in trouble when our bombs are smarter than our president"
1.While having never invented a sin, I'm trying to perfect several.
2.When blondes have more fun, do they know it?
3.To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
4.The web isn't better than sex, but sliced bread is in serious trouble.
5. Some people wish to get what they deserve, while others fear the same.
6. Sometimes a majority only means that all the fools are on the same side.
7. Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
8. Never argue with a fool, they will lower you to their level and then beat you with experience.
9. Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.
10.Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
Before all else , be armed . - Niccolo Machiavelli
Of mankind we may say in general they are fickle , hypocritical , and greedy of gain . - Niccolo Machiavelli
A man may be a fool and not know it , but not if he is married . - H. L. Mencken
All government , of course , is against liberty . - H. L. Mencken
All men are frauds . The only difference between them is that some admit it . I myself deny it . - H. L. Mencken
"There lived many brave men before Agamemnon, but all are overwhelmed in unending night, unmourned and unknown, because they lack a poet to give them immortality." Horace
"I don't know how many of them it would have taken to kick my ass, but I knew how many they were going to use." Ron White
"When men become desperate they consult the gods. And when the gods become desperate, they tell lies." Lukhangwa
"Luck never gives, only lends." Swedish proverb
"That's the great advantage of making the same mistake a lot of times. You come to know it, and you can study it and get inside it, really make it yours." Joe Farrell
"Falling in love is the first mistake in life." Bei Dao
"Sounds like the modern high-tech equivalent of trying to peel your beer label off in one piece." Shane Douglas
"History is not the past; it is oour just-so story of the present, why things are the way they are." Joel GAzis-SAx
"These are those who came this way without the Cup of Sympathy. Each imagines the others to be terrifying demons and thinks he acts only in self-defense. Tragic and ironic, is it not?" Nud the Allmousey
"In Italy, for 30 years under the Borgias, they had warfare, terror, murder, bloodshed; but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci and the Renaissance. In Switzerland, they had brotherly love. They had 500 years of democracy and peace, and what did that produce? The cuckoo clock." Harry Lime
Seinfeld
George Costanza: Jerry, just remember, it's not a lie if you believe it.
Army of Darkness
Sheila: You found me beautiful once...
Ash: Honey, you got reeeal ugly!
"A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic."
-Joseph Stalin
personally i live by this one:
"When choosing between two evils, I always like to take the one I've never tried before."
-Mae West
"When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself."
- Peter O'Toole
Lady Astor: "Winston, if I were your wife I'd put poison in your coffee."
Winston Churchhill: "Nancy, if I were your husband I'd drink it."
Bessie Braddock: "Winston, your drunk!
Churchill: "Bessie, your ugly, and tomorrow morning I shall be sober
Sir Winston Churchill
Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the universe.
Albert Einstein
"if video games realll effected us as children, we'd all be sitting around in dark rooms listening to repetitive electronic music munching on pills"
-who knows
Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.--Benjamin Franklin
They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety. --Benjamin Franklin
Tomorrow Comes A Day Too Soon -- Flogging Molly
Doctor: Mr. Bertenshaw?
Mr. B: Me, Doctor.
Doctor: No, me doctor, you Mr. Bertenshaw.
-Monty Python
Jonathan Swift:
"When a true genius appears in this world, you may know him by this sign: that the dunces are all in a confederacy against him."
"What matters isn't being applauded when you arrive -- for that is common -- but being missed when you leave." Baltasar Gracian
"The brother hood of man is not a mere poet's dream; it is a most depressing and humiliating reality." Oscar Wilde
"The only reason some people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory." Paul Fix
"When I think over what I have said, I envy dumb people." Seneca
"Your reality, sir, is lies and balderdash and I am delighted to say that I have no grasp of it whatsoever." Baron Munchausen
"Take the world population, divide by one, and see how important you are." Charles Trenk
"Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life." George Bernard Shaw
"We slept like babies. We woke up every two hours and cried." Todd Skinner
"An object at rest cannot be stopped!" The Evil Midnight Bomber What Bombs at Midnight
"A philosopher might say that Joshua Norton was not wrong in his conviction that he was the emperor of the United States; he simply failed to convince the American people that they were his subjects." Dr. David Weeks
"Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted." ~ Albert Einstein
"He who cannot do what he wishes, must needs do as he can" ~ Proverb
"Think only of the past as its remembrance gives you pleasure" ~ Pride & Prejudice
"A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems." ~ Paul Erdos
"Be somebody, or be somebody's fool."
The immortal poet, Laurence Turead aka Mr. T
A-Team
Murdock: I'm not nuts, I'm condiments. I've been promoted.
Red Dwarf
Lister: This is crazy. Why are we talking about going to bed with Wilma Flintstone?
Cat: You're right. We're nuts. This is an insane conversation.
Lister: She'll never leave Fred, and we know it.
Dogma
Bethany: What's he like?
Metatron: God? Lonely, but funny. He's got a great sense of humor. Take sex for example. There's nothing funnier then the faces you people make mid-coitus.
Bethany: Sex is a joke in Heaven?
Metatron: The way I understand it, it's mostly a joke down here, too.
Return of the Living Dead
Zombie: Get this damn screwdriver out of my head!
Hellraiser
No tears, please. It's a waste of good suffering!
Hellraiser 3
Pinhead: Unbearable, isn't it? The suffering of strangers, the agony of friends. There is a secret song at the center of the world, Joey, and its sound is like razors through flesh.
Joey: I don't believe you.
Pinhead: Oh come, you can hear its faint echo right now. I'm here to turn up the volume. To press the stinking face of humanity into the dark blood of its own secret heart
"Experience is the worst teacher; it gives the test before presenting the lesson." Vernon Law
"If I am a gentleman and you are a gentleman, who will milk the cow?" Irish folk saying
"I never drive faster than I can see." Jack Burton
"To err is human, but when the eraser wears out ahead of the pencil, you're overdoing it." J. Jenkins
"When ideas fail, words come in very handy." Goethe
"Oh, about beer I never lie. A man who lies about beer makes enemies." Judson Crandall
"Is the soul itself a hell from which only demons gibber?" CG Jung
"Its legs are too short to reach the ground." Dean Fellabaum
"If you wish to drown, don't torture yourself with shallow waters." Belgian proverb
"Strange is man when he seeks after his gods." Robert Ripley (believe it or not)
MAd Quotes Ii
True companionship is not often found in people but in books and dreams. (Anais Nin)
"A meeting between two beings who comlete one another, who are made for each other, borders already, in my opinion, on a miracle."
"That is not dead which can eternal lie,
And with strange aeons even death may die."
HP Lovercraft
"Had I not know I was dead already I would have mourned my loss of life"
Some Samurai's Dying Words
"Hope, Which Comes To All, Comes Not Here."
Milton
"Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so" - Ford Prefect in The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
"When in doubt: fubi it." - me. It's one of the rules I live my life by.
Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth.
Marcus Aurelius
"We will rip out their living guts, and use them to grease the treads of our tanks..."
Patton
1. "Prime numbers are what is left when you have taken the patterns away. I think prime numbers are like life. They are very logical but you could never work out all the rules, even if you spent all your time thinking about them." Christopher John Francis Boone
2. "Her heart was an empty kitchen: floor tiles and water pipes and a drainboard with pale scrubbed surfaces, and one abandoned glass on the edge of teh sink that nobody cared about." Bob Arctor
3. "Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge where there is no river." Nikita Krushchev
4. "Solitudenim faciunt, et pacem appellant." (They made a desert and called it peace.) Tacitus
5. "You may get attention, but attention ain't the same thing as love." Alonzo, 9
6. "There is not one among us in whom a devil does not dwell. At some time, on some point, that devil masters each of us. It is not having been in the dark house, but having left it that counts." Teddy Roosevelt
7. "All things have conspired to show your greatness. The rest you must do for yourself. God is unwilling to do everything Himself lest He deprive us of our free will and of that portion of glory that belongs to us." Niccolo Machiavelli
8. "A long time ao, being crazy meant something. Nowadays everybody's crazy." Charles Manson
9. "Women are like ideas. If they haven't been used to death, they weren't that good in the first place." JP Machewka
10. "There was a documentary on PBS recently about a guy who attempted a 350 year old math problem that everyone considered 'unsolvable.' He essentially locked himself in his attic for over seven years with jsut pencils and paper and worked on it. Finally, he went to a conference full of math fanatics. After a long lecture, he clamly wrote out the solution. He looked at something everyone else called impossible, tried it anyway, and got the damn thing done.
" At bottom every man knows well enough that he is a unique being , only once on this earth; and by no extraordinary chance will such a marvelously picturesque piece of diversity in unity as he is , ever be put together a second time . " - Friedrich Nietzsche
" And be on they guard against the good and the just ! They would fain curcify those who devise their own virtue - they hate the lonesome ones . " - Friedrich Nietzsche
"My baby takes the morning train, he works from 9 to 5 and then, he takes the train home again, to find me waiting for him." - Sheena Easton
“The World is a beautiful place, and worth fighting for. I agree with the second part” – Morgan Freeman, Seven
“Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become monster. And when you look into the abyss, the abyss also looks into you” – Nietzsche
I like libraries. It makes me feel comfortable and secure to have walls of words, beautiful and wise, all around me. I always feel better when I can see that there is something to hold back the shadows.
Roger Zelazny
Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.
Gandhi
You can kill a thousand; you can bring an end to life; you cannot kill an idea.
Acting Israeli Prime Minister, Shimon Peres on the assassination of Prime Minister Yitzhak Rabin
Time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted.
John Lennon
Everyone is an explorer. How could you possibly live your life looking at a door and not open it?
Robert D. Ballard
When you have to kill a man it costs nothing to be polite.
Winston Churchill, on formal declaration of war
They've got us surrounded again... the poor bastards!
Gen. Creighton W. Abrams
If you're going through hell, keep going.
Winston Churchill
Never look down on anybody unless you're helping him up.
Jesse Jackson
An invasion of armies can be resisted, but not an idea whose time has come.
Victor Hug
Let us endeavour to live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.
Mark Twain
Quis Custodiet Ipsos Custodes - Juvenal
'Who Watches the Watchers'
Where we are freeto act, we are free to refrain from acting, and where we are able to say no, wea re also able to say yes. - unknown
Hell is other people, and both of them are you - Paul McDermott
Life's harder the deeper you feel things - John Marsden
You live and learn. Or you don't live long - Lazarus Long
Yeild to temptation; it may not come your way again - Lazarus Long
Science without religion is lame. Religion without science is blind.
Albert Einstein
Evil Sheila: You found me beautiful once.
Ash: Honey, you got real ugly.
More Ash:
"Aw baby, that was just pillow talk."
"Good? Bad? I'm the one with the gun."
" I got news for you, pal. You ain't leading but two things right now: Jack and Sh**. And Jack left town."
"All right you primitive screwheads, listen up! See this? This is my BOOMstick!" - Ash
"Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things" - George Carlin
Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but in the long run they are deadlier.
- Mark Twain
And a comic book quote:
"Did you ever want to set someone's head on fire, just to see what it looked like? Did you ever stand in the street and think to yourself, I could make that nun go blind just by giving her a kiss? Did you ever lay out plans for stitching babies and stray cats into a Perfect New Human? Did you ever stand naked surrounded by people who want your gleaming sperm, squirting frankincense, soma and testosterone from every pore? If so, then you're the b*****d who stole my drugs Friday night. And I'll find you. Oh, yes."
-Transmetropolitan #26
An armed society is a polite society . Manners are good when one may have to back up his acts with his life . - Robert A. Heinlein
Next time I see you , remind me not to talk to you . - Groucho Marx
When you disarm the people , you commence to offend them and show that you distrust them either through cowardice or lack of confidence , and both of these opinions generate hatred ... - Niccolo Machiavelli
Puritanism . The haunting fear that someone , somewhere , may be happy . - H. L. Mencken
The only difference between the Republican and Democratic parties is the velocities with which their knees hit the floor when corporations knock on their door . That's the only difference . - Ralph Nader
Every normal man must be tempted , at times , to spit on his hands , hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats . - H. L. Mencken
Life is hard but fortunately short
- Russian folk saying
Life ain't nuthin' but b****es and money
- Master P
Life sucks
- various people throughout history
You can always count on a murderer for a fancy prose style . - Vladimir Nabokov
Everything we hear is an opinion , not a fact . Everything we see is a perspective , not the truth . - Marcus Aurelius
No evil is honorable : but death is honorable ; therefore death is not evil . - Citium Zeno
You should examine yourself daily . If you find faults , you should correct them . When you find none , you should try even harder . - Xi Zhi
A piece of spaghetti or a military unit can only be led from the front end . - George S. Patton
I do not fear computers . I fear the lack of them . - Isaac Asimov
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed , most experts agree , is by accident . That's where we come in ; we're computer professionals . We cause accidents . - Nathaniel Borenstein
"And I suppose that was a Russian Water Tenticle spying on us just now?" The Abyss... let's leave it at that...If I try to spell Mary Elizabeth Mastriantangello, I'm sure to screw it up.
"I've got a bad feeling about this" any bit character about to die in any genre film ever made.
"for the love of GOD put my hair out Barbie" my 27 yr. old son holding a used bic lighter and a doll ...you had to be there...
"Georgeor, Georgeor" Ursula K Leguin
"Klatu Nicto Barada" Ash, Michael Rennie
"People are b*****d coated bastards, with a b*****d filling."
- Doctor Cox in some episode of Scrubs
"You're all clear kid, now let's blow this thing and go home."
- Han Solo in Star Wars, i get shivers down my spine just thinking of this line, best moment in movie history ever
Since everyone is quoting Ash:
"I fucked of to Costa Rica for a few months last year, I just hid in the jungle for a bit with the chimps".
- Tim Wheeler, about Free All Angels
Even if you do learn to speak correct English , whom are you going to speak it to ? - Clarence Darrow
If I ever marry , it will be on a sudden impulse - as a man shoots himself . - H. L. Mencken
The truth of the matter is that you always know the right thing to do. The hard part is doing it.-Norman Schwarzkopf
Science has promised us truth. It has never promised us either peace or happiness.-Gustave Le Bon
Our scientific power has outrun our spiritual power. We have guided missiles and misguided men.-Martin Luther King, Jr
It is common sense to take a method and try it. If it fails, admit it frankly and try another. But above all, try something.-Franklin D. Roosevel
Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Willing is not enough; we must do.-Johann von Goethe
Time stays long enough for anyone who will use it.-Leonardo Da Vinci
Toughness is in the soul and spirit, not in muscles.-Alex Karras
To put the world right in order, we must first put the nation in order; to put the nation in order, we must first put the family in order; to put the family in order, we must first cultivate our personal life; we must first set our hearts right.-Confucius
My personal favs, and one more but dont know if its correct(but due remember laughing my ass off)
This feeling feels so great i wanna have sex with it.- dr cox (scrubs)
"hey, i'm a merc, you pay me enough and i'll shoot babies. I mean, i won't like it, but i'll do it"
Deadpool
"A meeting between two beings who comlete one another, who are made for each other, borders already, in my opinion, on a miracle."
"That is not dead which can eternal lie,
And with strange aeons even death may die."
HP Lovercraft
"Had I not know I was dead already I would have mourned my loss of life"
Some Samurai's Dying Words
"Hope, Which Comes To All, Comes Not Here."
Milton
"Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so" - Ford Prefect in The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
"When in doubt: fubi it." - me. It's one of the rules I live my life by.
Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth.
Marcus Aurelius
"We will rip out their living guts, and use them to grease the treads of our tanks..."
Patton
1. "Prime numbers are what is left when you have taken the patterns away. I think prime numbers are like life. They are very logical but you could never work out all the rules, even if you spent all your time thinking about them." Christopher John Francis Boone
2. "Her heart was an empty kitchen: floor tiles and water pipes and a drainboard with pale scrubbed surfaces, and one abandoned glass on the edge of teh sink that nobody cared about." Bob Arctor
3. "Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge where there is no river." Nikita Krushchev
4. "Solitudenim faciunt, et pacem appellant." (They made a desert and called it peace.) Tacitus
5. "You may get attention, but attention ain't the same thing as love." Alonzo, 9
6. "There is not one among us in whom a devil does not dwell. At some time, on some point, that devil masters each of us. It is not having been in the dark house, but having left it that counts." Teddy Roosevelt
7. "All things have conspired to show your greatness. The rest you must do for yourself. God is unwilling to do everything Himself lest He deprive us of our free will and of that portion of glory that belongs to us." Niccolo Machiavelli
8. "A long time ao, being crazy meant something. Nowadays everybody's crazy." Charles Manson
9. "Women are like ideas. If they haven't been used to death, they weren't that good in the first place." JP Machewka
10. "There was a documentary on PBS recently about a guy who attempted a 350 year old math problem that everyone considered 'unsolvable.' He essentially locked himself in his attic for over seven years with jsut pencils and paper and worked on it. Finally, he went to a conference full of math fanatics. After a long lecture, he clamly wrote out the solution. He looked at something everyone else called impossible, tried it anyway, and got the damn thing done.
" At bottom every man knows well enough that he is a unique being , only once on this earth; and by no extraordinary chance will such a marvelously picturesque piece of diversity in unity as he is , ever be put together a second time . " - Friedrich Nietzsche
" And be on they guard against the good and the just ! They would fain curcify those who devise their own virtue - they hate the lonesome ones . " - Friedrich Nietzsche
"My baby takes the morning train, he works from 9 to 5 and then, he takes the train home again, to find me waiting for him." - Sheena Easton
“The World is a beautiful place, and worth fighting for. I agree with the second part” – Morgan Freeman, Seven
“Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become monster. And when you look into the abyss, the abyss also looks into you” – Nietzsche
I like libraries. It makes me feel comfortable and secure to have walls of words, beautiful and wise, all around me. I always feel better when I can see that there is something to hold back the shadows.
Roger Zelazny
Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.
Gandhi
You can kill a thousand; you can bring an end to life; you cannot kill an idea.
Acting Israeli Prime Minister, Shimon Peres on the assassination of Prime Minister Yitzhak Rabin
Time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted.
John Lennon
Everyone is an explorer. How could you possibly live your life looking at a door and not open it?
Robert D. Ballard
When you have to kill a man it costs nothing to be polite.
Winston Churchill, on formal declaration of war
They've got us surrounded again... the poor bastards!
Gen. Creighton W. Abrams
If you're going through hell, keep going.
Winston Churchill
Never look down on anybody unless you're helping him up.
Jesse Jackson
An invasion of armies can be resisted, but not an idea whose time has come.
Victor Hug
Let us endeavour to live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.
Mark Twain
Quis Custodiet Ipsos Custodes - Juvenal
'Who Watches the Watchers'
Where we are freeto act, we are free to refrain from acting, and where we are able to say no, wea re also able to say yes. - unknown
Hell is other people, and both of them are you - Paul McDermott
Life's harder the deeper you feel things - John Marsden
You live and learn. Or you don't live long - Lazarus Long
Yeild to temptation; it may not come your way again - Lazarus Long
Science without religion is lame. Religion without science is blind.
Albert Einstein
Evil Sheila: You found me beautiful once.
Ash: Honey, you got real ugly.
More Ash:
"Aw baby, that was just pillow talk."
"Good? Bad? I'm the one with the gun."
" I got news for you, pal. You ain't leading but two things right now: Jack and Sh**. And Jack left town."
"All right you primitive screwheads, listen up! See this? This is my BOOMstick!" - Ash
"Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things" - George Carlin
Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but in the long run they are deadlier.
- Mark Twain
And a comic book quote:
"Did you ever want to set someone's head on fire, just to see what it looked like? Did you ever stand in the street and think to yourself, I could make that nun go blind just by giving her a kiss? Did you ever lay out plans for stitching babies and stray cats into a Perfect New Human? Did you ever stand naked surrounded by people who want your gleaming sperm, squirting frankincense, soma and testosterone from every pore? If so, then you're the b*****d who stole my drugs Friday night. And I'll find you. Oh, yes."
-Transmetropolitan #26
An armed society is a polite society . Manners are good when one may have to back up his acts with his life . - Robert A. Heinlein
Next time I see you , remind me not to talk to you . - Groucho Marx
When you disarm the people , you commence to offend them and show that you distrust them either through cowardice or lack of confidence , and both of these opinions generate hatred ... - Niccolo Machiavelli
Puritanism . The haunting fear that someone , somewhere , may be happy . - H. L. Mencken
The only difference between the Republican and Democratic parties is the velocities with which their knees hit the floor when corporations knock on their door . That's the only difference . - Ralph Nader
Every normal man must be tempted , at times , to spit on his hands , hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats . - H. L. Mencken
Life is hard but fortunately short
- Russian folk saying
Life ain't nuthin' but b****es and money
- Master P
Life sucks
- various people throughout history
You can always count on a murderer for a fancy prose style . - Vladimir Nabokov
Everything we hear is an opinion , not a fact . Everything we see is a perspective , not the truth . - Marcus Aurelius
No evil is honorable : but death is honorable ; therefore death is not evil . - Citium Zeno
You should examine yourself daily . If you find faults , you should correct them . When you find none , you should try even harder . - Xi Zhi
A piece of spaghetti or a military unit can only be led from the front end . - George S. Patton
I do not fear computers . I fear the lack of them . - Isaac Asimov
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed , most experts agree , is by accident . That's where we come in ; we're computer professionals . We cause accidents . - Nathaniel Borenstein
"And I suppose that was a Russian Water Tenticle spying on us just now?" The Abyss... let's leave it at that...If I try to spell Mary Elizabeth Mastriantangello, I'm sure to screw it up.
"I've got a bad feeling about this" any bit character about to die in any genre film ever made.
"for the love of GOD put my hair out Barbie" my 27 yr. old son holding a used bic lighter and a doll ...you had to be there...
"Georgeor, Georgeor" Ursula K Leguin
"Klatu Nicto Barada" Ash, Michael Rennie
"People are b*****d coated bastards, with a b*****d filling."
- Doctor Cox in some episode of Scrubs
"You're all clear kid, now let's blow this thing and go home."
- Han Solo in Star Wars, i get shivers down my spine just thinking of this line, best moment in movie history ever
Since everyone is quoting Ash:
"I fucked of to Costa Rica for a few months last year, I just hid in the jungle for a bit with the chimps".
- Tim Wheeler, about Free All Angels
Even if you do learn to speak correct English , whom are you going to speak it to ? - Clarence Darrow
If I ever marry , it will be on a sudden impulse - as a man shoots himself . - H. L. Mencken
The truth of the matter is that you always know the right thing to do. The hard part is doing it.-Norman Schwarzkopf
Science has promised us truth. It has never promised us either peace or happiness.-Gustave Le Bon
Our scientific power has outrun our spiritual power. We have guided missiles and misguided men.-Martin Luther King, Jr
It is common sense to take a method and try it. If it fails, admit it frankly and try another. But above all, try something.-Franklin D. Roosevel
Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Willing is not enough; we must do.-Johann von Goethe
Time stays long enough for anyone who will use it.-Leonardo Da Vinci
Toughness is in the soul and spirit, not in muscles.-Alex Karras
To put the world right in order, we must first put the nation in order; to put the nation in order, we must first put the family in order; to put the family in order, we must first cultivate our personal life; we must first set our hearts right.-Confucius
My personal favs, and one more but dont know if its correct(but due remember laughing my ass off)
This feeling feels so great i wanna have sex with it.- dr cox (scrubs)
"hey, i'm a merc, you pay me enough and i'll shoot babies. I mean, i won't like it, but i'll do it"
Deadpool
MAd Quotes
Not to know what has been transacted in former times is to be always a child. If no use is made of the labors of past ages, the world must remain always in the infancy of knowledge.
- Cicero
"God is not on the side of the big battalions, but of the best shots."
~Voltaire
"Veni, Vedi, Vici (I came, I saw, I conquered)"
~Julius Ceasar
Win if you can, lose if you must, but always cheat."
~Jesse Ventura, former Navy SEAL, and now Governor of Minnisotta
Intelligence is the world's second-oldest profession. It differs from the oldest profession in that it is more immoral and more commonly practiced by amateurs.
~Unknown
"I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me."
~General George S. Patton
"Walk away. Find something else to do. Because the life you save may be your own."
--Arn Anderson
"In order to be the man, you gotta beat the man."
--Ric Flair
"Mongo only pawn in game of life."
--Mongo
"I know what you're thinking. Did he fire 5 shots or 6. To tell you the truth, in all the excitement I lost count myself. So the thing you gotta ask yourself is do you feel lucky. Well, do you feel lucky, punk?"
--Insp. Harry Callahan
Justice League
Batman: I'm not really a people person. But when you need help, and you will, call me.
Hawkgirl: That's fast.
The Flash: Yeah, fastest man alive.
Hawkgirl: Which might explain why you can't get a date.
Flash: (J'onn having suggested they travel in civvies) "Hold on a second here. What about the whole secret identity thing? I mean, I trust you guys but I'm not sure I'm ready to--"
Batman: "Wally West. Clark Kent. (removes his own cowl). Bruce Wayne."
Flash: "...showoff."
Clone High
Shadowy Board Leader: Listen we've all done things we're not proud of after a good cross country meet, but that riot was unacceptable
Scudworth: Unacceptable? Did you see the pool? They flipped the bitch.
Announcer: Next time on a very special clone high, Will Abe and Joans student films reveal their true feelings for one other? How will Scudworth get himself out of another dangerous pickle? And what will become of Gandhi? I'd tell you but I haven't seen the episode yet, they were supposed to send it to me but there's this guy at work who totally hates me, if he gets me fired I'm going to kill his dog...
[show ends]
Invader Zim
Ms. Bitters: Children, your performance in the school fundraiser was pathetic. Your parents will receive phone calls instructing them to love you less.
Gir: I'm gonna roll around on the floor for a while. KAY?
Stargate SG-1
Jack O'Neill: So what's your impression of Alar?
Teal'c: That he is concealing something.
Jack O'Neill: Like what?
Teal'c: I am unsure - he is concealing it
General George S. Hammond: You ever think of writing a book about your exploits in the line of duty?
Jack O'Neill: I've thought about it. But then, I'd have to shoot anyone that actually read it.
The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an oncoming train. --Murphy's law
I'm vahklempt. Talk amongst yahselves... --Mike Myers (SNL)
In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards. -- Mark Twain
Sometimes the mind, for reasons we don't necessarily understand, just decides to go to the store for a quart of milk. --Anonymous
and now one of my favorite shows:
Red Dwarf:
Kryten: "But if people see my face, what are they going to think?"
Rimmer: "Tell them you had an accident. Tell them you took your car to the crushers and forgot to get out."
Now kindly cluck off, before I extract your gibblets, and shove a large seasoned onion between the lips you never kiss with. " -- Rimmer
How come you need more memory? Over the years you've had more RAM than a field of sheep. --Cat
Don't try to argue with an idiot. They'll only drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.
~Anonymous
If I owned this place and Hell, I'd rent this place out and live in Hell.
~Toombs - Chronicles of Riddick
If there's any doubt, there is no doubt.
~Sam - Ronin
I know I'm a smartass. It's better that being a dumbass.
~Ghoste
Why are your eyeballs so big?
~Some pissed wanker I met on Saturday night
Patience in all things.
~I wish I knew who said this first, they're words to live by.
Whats a dazzeling urbanite like you doing in a place like this?
-Blazing saddles
Han: You could use a good kiss.
Leia: I'd rather kiss a wookie.
Han: I can arrange that!
"veni, vidi, visa"
I came, I saw, I went shopping...
Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before
Money can't buy friends, but it can get you a better class of enemy.
Spike Milligan
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
Spike Milligan
All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
Spike Milligan
Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.
Spike Milligan
Every now and then--call it a conjoining of the stars, call it serendipity, call it happenstance--there comes a time when people and events that have no business being together are juxtaposed into some hypercosmic nexus. It is in those moments that magic is real...that the dead truly speak to the living...that the doors between worlds are opened for a few moments...only moments. But in those moments one can live centuries.
-S.P. Somtow, "Temple of Night"
Awe is the response of the rational mind to the fact that the universe exceeds it's comprehension.
-I have no idea where this quote is from...
"The world is just an illusion. We're just actors in a dream."
-Bennie, "The Irrefutable Truth About Demons"
"We are the universe trying to understand itself."
-Delenn, "Babylon 5"
The hottest places in hell are reserved for those who, in times of moral crises, preserved their neutrality.
Dante's Inferno
An eye for an eye leave the whole world blind.
Ghandi
Hail to the king, baby
Ash in Army of Darkness
'Cause, remember, no matter where you go..... there you are.
Buckaroo Banzi
From hell's heart I stab at thee.... For hate's sake... I spit my last breath at thee!
Khan , Star Trek II
"The greatest happiness is to scatter your enemy, to drive him before you, to see his cities reduced to ashes, to see those who love him shrouded in tears, and to gather into your bosom his wives and daughters."
Ghengis Khan (circa 1226)
You're not outnumbered; you're just in a target-rich environment.
unknown
"WIZARD PARKING ONLY"... All Others Will Be Toad.
Unknown
Meesa Jar Jar Binks of Borg! Yousa gonna be Assim'lated!
Someone with too much time on thier hands!
"Reality is an illusion created by a lack of good alcohol."
Ralph Puke. An ethically challenged merchant and bullfighter.
"Only the Phoenix rises and does not descend. And everything changes. And nothing is truly lost." -from Sandman
From dodgeball - "You're about as useless as a poop flavored lollipop"
"Oh my god, Brian, there's a message in my Alphabits. It says, 'Oooooo.'" -Peter Griffin
And now for some great Chappelle show quotes:
"Why don't you purify yourself in the waters of Lake Minnetonka?" - Prince
"Remember what the Bible says: He who is without sin, cast the first rock. And I shall smoketh it." - Tyrone Biggums
"You wanna know what dog food tastes like? Do you? It tastes just like it smells... delicious." - Tyrone Biggums
"I CAN'T STOP YELLIN' CAUSE THAT'S HOW I TALK. EVER SEEN MY MOVIES? JUICE! THAT WAS A GOOD ONE! DEEP BLUE SEA! THEY ATE ME! A F@#$%^& SHARK ATE ME! JURASSIC PARK!" - Samuel L Jackson
"A man's best friend is his dogma"
- Timothy Leary
"We came, we saw, we kicked its ass."
Dr. Peter Venkman
"Back off man, I'm a scientist."
Dr. Peter Venkman
"It's true, this man has no d---"
Dr. Peter Venkman
"Excuse me while I whip this out."
Bart
"Well, my name is Jim, but most people call me... Jim."
The Waco Kid
You know that fine line between insanity and genius? You're not supposed to use it as a jumprope!" -- Jarrett Carberry
"Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, Interrogative?"
"Critics are like eunuchs in a harem: They know how it's done, they've seen it done every day, but they're unable to do it themselves." -- Irish playwright Brendan Behan
paranoia, n.: A healthy understanding of the way the universe works.
Ash - Good, bad, I'm the guy with the gun.
Rick Mercer - If you were a protestor in Canada would you climb on top of Peter Mans Bridge.
Jack Black from the Mr. Show movie - Give em just a little kick in the C**t
2 Quotes from Bubba Hotep - "What do I care, I got a growth on my pecker." and "Eat the dog Dick of Anubis, Asswipe"
Donnie Darko - Yeah, And I think you're the F**king Antichrist.
[edit] Okay have toi add the greatest quote I've heard in a long time by my buddy steve. this takes the cake as one of the stupidest things said in the past year.
"I like the zombies in Resident Evil because they act just like they do in real life."
- Cicero
"God is not on the side of the big battalions, but of the best shots."
~Voltaire
"Veni, Vedi, Vici (I came, I saw, I conquered)"
~Julius Ceasar
Win if you can, lose if you must, but always cheat."
~Jesse Ventura, former Navy SEAL, and now Governor of Minnisotta
Intelligence is the world's second-oldest profession. It differs from the oldest profession in that it is more immoral and more commonly practiced by amateurs.
~Unknown
"I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me."
~General George S. Patton
"Walk away. Find something else to do. Because the life you save may be your own."
--Arn Anderson
"In order to be the man, you gotta beat the man."
--Ric Flair
"Mongo only pawn in game of life."
--Mongo
"I know what you're thinking. Did he fire 5 shots or 6. To tell you the truth, in all the excitement I lost count myself. So the thing you gotta ask yourself is do you feel lucky. Well, do you feel lucky, punk?"
--Insp. Harry Callahan
Justice League
Batman: I'm not really a people person. But when you need help, and you will, call me.
Hawkgirl: That's fast.
The Flash: Yeah, fastest man alive.
Hawkgirl: Which might explain why you can't get a date.
Flash: (J'onn having suggested they travel in civvies) "Hold on a second here. What about the whole secret identity thing? I mean, I trust you guys but I'm not sure I'm ready to--"
Batman: "Wally West. Clark Kent. (removes his own cowl). Bruce Wayne."
Flash: "...showoff."
Clone High
Shadowy Board Leader: Listen we've all done things we're not proud of after a good cross country meet, but that riot was unacceptable
Scudworth: Unacceptable? Did you see the pool? They flipped the bitch.
Announcer: Next time on a very special clone high, Will Abe and Joans student films reveal their true feelings for one other? How will Scudworth get himself out of another dangerous pickle? And what will become of Gandhi? I'd tell you but I haven't seen the episode yet, they were supposed to send it to me but there's this guy at work who totally hates me, if he gets me fired I'm going to kill his dog...
[show ends]
Invader Zim
Ms. Bitters: Children, your performance in the school fundraiser was pathetic. Your parents will receive phone calls instructing them to love you less.
Gir: I'm gonna roll around on the floor for a while. KAY?
Stargate SG-1
Jack O'Neill: So what's your impression of Alar?
Teal'c: That he is concealing something.
Jack O'Neill: Like what?
Teal'c: I am unsure - he is concealing it
General George S. Hammond: You ever think of writing a book about your exploits in the line of duty?
Jack O'Neill: I've thought about it. But then, I'd have to shoot anyone that actually read it.
The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an oncoming train. --Murphy's law
I'm vahklempt. Talk amongst yahselves... --Mike Myers (SNL)
In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards. -- Mark Twain
Sometimes the mind, for reasons we don't necessarily understand, just decides to go to the store for a quart of milk. --Anonymous
and now one of my favorite shows:
Red Dwarf:
Kryten: "But if people see my face, what are they going to think?"
Rimmer: "Tell them you had an accident. Tell them you took your car to the crushers and forgot to get out."
Now kindly cluck off, before I extract your gibblets, and shove a large seasoned onion between the lips you never kiss with. " -- Rimmer
How come you need more memory? Over the years you've had more RAM than a field of sheep. --Cat
Don't try to argue with an idiot. They'll only drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.
~Anonymous
If I owned this place and Hell, I'd rent this place out and live in Hell.
~Toombs - Chronicles of Riddick
If there's any doubt, there is no doubt.
~Sam - Ronin
I know I'm a smartass. It's better that being a dumbass.
~Ghoste
Why are your eyeballs so big?
~Some pissed wanker I met on Saturday night
Patience in all things.
~I wish I knew who said this first, they're words to live by.
Whats a dazzeling urbanite like you doing in a place like this?
-Blazing saddles
Han: You could use a good kiss.
Leia: I'd rather kiss a wookie.
Han: I can arrange that!
"veni, vidi, visa"
I came, I saw, I went shopping...
Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before
Money can't buy friends, but it can get you a better class of enemy.
Spike Milligan
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
Spike Milligan
All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
Spike Milligan
Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.
Spike Milligan
Every now and then--call it a conjoining of the stars, call it serendipity, call it happenstance--there comes a time when people and events that have no business being together are juxtaposed into some hypercosmic nexus. It is in those moments that magic is real...that the dead truly speak to the living...that the doors between worlds are opened for a few moments...only moments. But in those moments one can live centuries.
-S.P. Somtow, "Temple of Night"
Awe is the response of the rational mind to the fact that the universe exceeds it's comprehension.
-I have no idea where this quote is from...
"The world is just an illusion. We're just actors in a dream."
-Bennie, "The Irrefutable Truth About Demons"
"We are the universe trying to understand itself."
-Delenn, "Babylon 5"
The hottest places in hell are reserved for those who, in times of moral crises, preserved their neutrality.
Dante's Inferno
An eye for an eye leave the whole world blind.
Ghandi
Hail to the king, baby
Ash in Army of Darkness
'Cause, remember, no matter where you go..... there you are.
Buckaroo Banzi
From hell's heart I stab at thee.... For hate's sake... I spit my last breath at thee!
Khan , Star Trek II
"The greatest happiness is to scatter your enemy, to drive him before you, to see his cities reduced to ashes, to see those who love him shrouded in tears, and to gather into your bosom his wives and daughters."
Ghengis Khan (circa 1226)
You're not outnumbered; you're just in a target-rich environment.
unknown
"WIZARD PARKING ONLY"... All Others Will Be Toad.
Unknown
Meesa Jar Jar Binks of Borg! Yousa gonna be Assim'lated!
Someone with too much time on thier hands!
"Reality is an illusion created by a lack of good alcohol."
Ralph Puke. An ethically challenged merchant and bullfighter.
"Only the Phoenix rises and does not descend. And everything changes. And nothing is truly lost." -from Sandman
From dodgeball - "You're about as useless as a poop flavored lollipop"
"Oh my god, Brian, there's a message in my Alphabits. It says, 'Oooooo.'" -Peter Griffin
And now for some great Chappelle show quotes:
"Why don't you purify yourself in the waters of Lake Minnetonka?" - Prince
"Remember what the Bible says: He who is without sin, cast the first rock. And I shall smoketh it." - Tyrone Biggums
"You wanna know what dog food tastes like? Do you? It tastes just like it smells... delicious." - Tyrone Biggums
"I CAN'T STOP YELLIN' CAUSE THAT'S HOW I TALK. EVER SEEN MY MOVIES? JUICE! THAT WAS A GOOD ONE! DEEP BLUE SEA! THEY ATE ME! A F@#$%^& SHARK ATE ME! JURASSIC PARK!" - Samuel L Jackson
"A man's best friend is his dogma"
- Timothy Leary
"We came, we saw, we kicked its ass."
Dr. Peter Venkman
"Back off man, I'm a scientist."
Dr. Peter Venkman
"It's true, this man has no d---"
Dr. Peter Venkman
"Excuse me while I whip this out."
Bart
"Well, my name is Jim, but most people call me... Jim."
The Waco Kid
You know that fine line between insanity and genius? You're not supposed to use it as a jumprope!" -- Jarrett Carberry
"Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, Interrogative?"
"Critics are like eunuchs in a harem: They know how it's done, they've seen it done every day, but they're unable to do it themselves." -- Irish playwright Brendan Behan
paranoia, n.: A healthy understanding of the way the universe works.
Ash - Good, bad, I'm the guy with the gun.
Rick Mercer - If you were a protestor in Canada would you climb on top of Peter Mans Bridge.
Jack Black from the Mr. Show movie - Give em just a little kick in the C**t
2 Quotes from Bubba Hotep - "What do I care, I got a growth on my pecker." and "Eat the dog Dick of Anubis, Asswipe"
Donnie Darko - Yeah, And I think you're the F**king Antichrist.
[edit] Okay have toi add the greatest quote I've heard in a long time by my buddy steve. this takes the cake as one of the stupidest things said in the past year.
"I like the zombies in Resident Evil because they act just like they do in real life."
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