101 Things to do When You Have No Internet

1. Learn a Card Trick
2. Play Solitaire
3. Learn How to Touch Type
4. Go Swimming
5. Tidy Up Your Room
6. Rename Your Collection of 10,000 Photos
7. Defragment Your Hard Drive
8. Go to the Gym
9. Go Jogging
10. Bake Fudge Brownies
11. Have a Picnic
12. Watch a Movie
13. Have a Nap
14. Mess Around With Photoshop
15. Update Your Address Book
16. Organize Your Documents
17. Lie in the Grass and Watch the Clouds
18. Write in a Journal
19. Drink 8 Cups of Water
20. Learn How to Cook
21. Learn How to Dance
22. Read a Book
23. Visit a Graveyard
24. Get in Touch With Old Friends
25. Look Through Your Old Yearbooks
26. Give Out Free Hugs
27. Figure Out the Meaning of Life
28. Watch TV
29. Organize Your Bookmarks
30. Arrange Your Library Using the Dewey Decimal System
31. Clean All the Monitors Around Your House
32. Play Some Sports
33. Count From 1 to a Million
34. Just Lay Back and Chill
35. Go to the Beach
36. Meditate
37. Walk Around Town
38. Get in Your Car and Keep Driving Till You Run Out of Gas
39. Clean Up Your Garage
40. Wash Your Car
41. Study For an Upcoming Exam
42. Learn How to Make an HTML Webpage
43. Make an HTML Webpage
44. Uninstall Useless Programs Taking Up Valuable Space
45. Play Racing Games and Lose the Race on Purpose, Every Time
46. Go to a Zoo
47. Go Outside and Take Pictures of Random People
48. Mow the Lawn
49. Open a Dictionary and Learn 100 New Words
50. Make a Prank Call
51. Type “bush hid the facts” in Notepad and Try Not to Act Amazed When it Disappears
52. Try Renaming a Folder Into “con”
53. Keep Trying…
54. Call a Friend and Ask Him What to Do
55. Find Out What All the Buttons on Your Keyboard Do
56. Open the Registry and Delete All the Entries Starting With the Letter “a”
57. Re-Install Windows Vista After You’ve Messed it Up
58. Slap Yourself For Using Vista in the First Place
59. Blame Politics and Global Warming
60. Open “about:robots” With Firefox and Press the “Try Again” Button
61. Press the “Please Do not press this button again.” Button
62. Ask Yourself Why It Disappears and Nothing Happens
63. Take a Shower
64. Eat Something
65. Treat Yourself to a Fancy Dinner
66. Play the Pre-Installed Games on Your Mobile
67. Count the Number of Cars That Pass by Your Window Each Minute
68. Arrange Your TV Channels
69. Comb Your Hair
70. Take Something Apart
71. Put it Back Together
72. Read Your Computer’s User Guide, For the First Time
73. Call Your Internet Provider
74. Ask them What’s Wrong With Your Connection
75. Understand All the Network Jargon They’re Saying
76. Dismiss Everything They’re Saying as Gibberish
77. Play a Board Game
78. Invite Friends Over
79. Read a Newspaper
80. Watch the News
81. Look in the Mirror and Try to Act Cool
82. Write an eBook
83. Do Your Homework
84. Buy a Metro Pass and Keep Going Back and Forth All Day Long
85. Smile at a Random Person on the Street
86. Watch Titanic For the 15th Time
87. Hide Behind Bushes and Scare People
88. Go to a Mall and Sit on a Bench While Staring at a Fixed Point for the Whole Day
89. Teach Your Old Dog New Tricks
90. Roast Marshmallows
91. Create Your Own Black Book
92. List All Your Friends and Family Members in it
93. Accidentally “Lose” the Book at School/Work
94. Ask Yourself Why You Didn’t Just Go to an Internet Cafe
95. Rearrange Your Desktop Icons
96. Synchronize All the Watches You Have
97. Think up a Clever List of Comebacks For Your Teacher/Boss
98. Open a Blank Page in Your Browser and Repeatedly Press F5
99. Cry Desperately
100. Open Videos and Images Using Notepad
101. Write a List of 101 Things to Do When You Have No Internet

I’m sure that by the you’re finished doing those things your connection will be back!

Seal Opening

Así se recurre una multa

21/03/2007 10:12

Estimado Sr. Juez:

He sido denunciado por circular a 250 km/h en la Nacional 530 cuando iba camino de mi pueblo para hacer la matanza. Según me dijeron los Guardias Civiles que me pararon, el radar me detectó a la velocidad antes indicada en un tramo limitado a 70km/h. Yo, por mi parte, puedo decir que he visto perfectamente esa señal con el número 70 en negro, dentro del círculo rojo con el fondo blanco. Sin embargo, por más que me he fijado, no he visto ninguna unidad de medida junto al numerito 70.

Como Vd. sabrá mejor que yo, que para eso ha estudiado derecho, la Ley 54/1893 establece que en el Estado Español (que Dios guarde muchos años) se establece que el Sistema Métrico Internacional será el obligatorio en el país, y dentro de las reglas propiamente dichas del citado Sistema Métrico Internacional, se establece que la unidad de longitud será el metro, y la unidad de tiempo será el segundo. No se si cuando Vd. terminó derecho le dio tiempo a hacer algo de matemáticas, pero por si acaso voy a informarle de que la velocidad se mide dividiendo la distancia recorrida entre el tiempo empleado para recorrerla, por lo que cogiendo la unidad de medida de la distancia (metro) y la unidad de medida del tiempo (segundo), obtendremos la unidad de medida de la velocidad: METROS POR SEGUNDO, que, tal y como nos dice la Ley anteriormente citada, SERÁ LA UNIDAD DE MEDIDA OBLIGATORIA PARA LA VELOCIDAD.

Yo no le voy a negar que fuese a 250 km/h, que de hecho los iba, pero es que la señal que yo vi sólo ponía 70, y en virtud del imperio de la ley que todos debemos respetar y del que Vd. es el máximo exponente, no he dudado en considerar que el 70 se refería a la unidad internacional de la velocidad, el metro por segundo; si Vd. hace la conversión, observará que 70 m/s equivalen a 252km/h, con lo cual yo circulaba a 2 km/h por debajo de lo permitido.

Por todo lo expuesto, ruego a Vd. que me devuelva el carné de conducir, los 600 Euros y los 8 puntos que me han quitado, que no están las cosas para bromas, dejando este asunto en un lamentable malentendido por el que no voy a denunciar a los pobres Agentes, que bastante tienen con su arriesgado trabajo y estoy seguro que no lo hicieron con mala intención.

Atentamente.

De Vuelta al Agujero

Alphabetic principle

I take it you already know,
Of tough and bough and cough and dough.
Others may stumble, but not you,
On hiccough, thorough, laugh and through.
Well done! And now you wish, perhaps,
To learn of less familiar traps. Beware of heard, a dreadful word,
That looks like beard and sounds like bird.
And dead - it’s said like bed, not bead,
For goodness’ sake, don’t call it ‘deed’!
Watch out for meat and great and threat,
(They rhyme with suite and straight and debt). A moth is not a moth in mother,
Nor both in bother, broth in brother.
And here is not a match for there,
Nor dear and fear for bear and pear.
And then there’s dose and rose and lose –
Just look them up – and goose and choose.
And cork and work and card and ward,
And font and front and word and sword. And do and go and thwart and cart –
Come, come, I’ve hardly made a start! A dreadful language? Why man alive!
I’d mastered it when I was five.

Rodney Carrington - The Man Song

Ladies and Gentlemen,
The Man Song!

(He's the man!)
(He's the man!)

I don't take no crap from anybody
[else but you]
I wear the pants around here
[when I finish with your laundry]
Coz I'm a guy you don't wanna fight
[When I say "Jump", you say "Yeah right!"]
I'm the man of this house
[until you get home]

(He's the man!)
(He's the man!)

What I say goes around here
[right out the window]
and I don't wanna hear a lot of whining
[so I'll shut up]
The sooner you learn who's Boss around here
[The sooner you can give me my orders, dear]
Coz I'm Head-Honcho around here
[but it's all in my head]

(He's the man!)
(He's the man!)

And I can have sex anytime
[that you want it]
Coz I'm a man who has needs
[but there not that important]
And don't expect any flowers from me
[Coz if I'm not mistaken you prefer jewelry]
I'm the King of my castle
[when you're not around]

(He's the man!)
(He's the man!)

And I'll drink and watch sports whenever I wanna
[get in trouble]
And I'll come home when I'm good and ready
[to sleep on the couch]
Coz a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do
[And I'm gonna do what you tell me to]
Because I'm Top dog around here
[but I've been neutered]

(He's the man!)
(He's the man!)

(You the man!)