MAd Quotes IiI

“This is the sort of bloody nonsense up with which I will not put.” -- Winston Churchill

"The larger the island of knowledge, the longer the shoreline of mystery." -- Mary B. Yates

"I reject your reality and substitute my own!" -- Adam Savage

"Now. You're looking at now, sir. Everything that happens now is happening now." -- Spaceballs

In the beginning the Universe was created . This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move . - Douglas Adams

If you see a snake , just kill it - don't appoint a committee on snakes . - H. Ross Perot

A man is not idle because he is absorbed in thought . There is a visible labor and there is an invisible labor . - Victor Hugo

They say it's the quiet ones you gotta watch . This is a very dangerous policy , I'm willing to bet anything that while you're busy watching a quiet one a noisy one will fubing kill you . - George Carlin

The Earth is the greatest repository of Bad Luck in the Universe . Even if you've been around for billions of years , this little planet will screw you up like nothing you've encountered before . Your aeons-old law enforcement organization will fold . Your loyal scouts will suddenly start deserting you like there's no tomorrow . If you eat planets , you will not be able to digest this one. The queen of your vast empire will fall for a guy from this world . - Mark Mohrfield

"Vogon Poetry is widely held to be the third worst poetry in the Galaxy"

"It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious." - corollary of Murphy's Law

"You wouldn't know what crazy was if Charles Manson was eating Fruti Loops on your front porch." - Suicidal Tendencies

"If there is anything more important than my ego, I want it caught and shot now." - Zaphod Beeblebrox

"Waste more, want more." - Doug Luddwig

"f only we could lose touch with reality, there is no telling what level of success we could achieve." - Edward Gyurisin

"People think it must be fun to be a supergenius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world." - Calvin

No beast so fierce but knows some touch of pity.
But I know none and therefore am no beast. - Richard III, William Shakespeare

"We are all born mad. Some remain so." - Samuel Beckett

"Do you ever feel like you are dying. Everyone is born dying, so why do we feel in one difficult terrible moment so close to dying. Don't you wish you could be spread out like peanut butter." - Bridgette Richards

"Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeuuuuuuuupp" Michelangelo (tmnt)

"I'll be back" Arnold Schartzenneger

"If the man who invented the true was a lier is that mean the true is a lie?" found that in a grafity in public toillette

"Don't touch brun graphity" found at the same place

"You have to be aware" Jean-Claude Van Dame

"One by One, mankind can anderstand. But, togheter we are a bunch of idiots" tommy Lee Jones (M.I.B.)

Percy Bysshe Shelley (and Alan Moore)

"My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings:
Look upon my works, ye Mighty, and despair!"

"I like my coffee black just like my metal" Shut me Up, Mindless Self Indulgence.

"It takes months to build a house but five minutes to destroy it. Build anyway." Mother Theresa.

"The answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe and everything is... 42" The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

"It's time to show your friends that you're worth a damn. Sometimes it means dying, sometimes it means killing a whole lot of people." Dwight, Sin City.


And a couple of comic-related quotes from the Black Mask in the current Batman run, written by Judd Winick, that I find really funny:

Li: Still... where there's smoke there's fire.
Black Mask: No, Where there's fire, there's fire and I have all the gasoline.

Black Mask: Just talk, I'm listening. But when I say "I'm listening" I'm also thinking about killing you.

Black Mask: yeah, well, I have anger management issues. I abate the urge by murdering the people that annoy me.

Black Mask: Li, will you please shut the hell up? I swear to God it's like running a criminal organization with my mother.

"You know our country is in trouble when our bombs are smarter than our president"


1.While having never invented a sin, I'm trying to perfect several.
2.When blondes have more fun, do they know it?
3.To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
4.The web isn't better than sex, but sliced bread is in serious trouble.
5. Some people wish to get what they deserve, while others fear the same.
6. Sometimes a majority only means that all the fools are on the same side.
7. Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
8. Never argue with a fool, they will lower you to their level and then beat you with experience.
9. Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.
10.Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

Before all else , be armed . - Niccolo Machiavelli

Of mankind we may say in general they are fickle , hypocritical , and greedy of gain . - Niccolo Machiavelli

A man may be a fool and not know it , but not if he is married . - H. L. Mencken

All government , of course , is against liberty . - H. L. Mencken

All men are frauds . The only difference between them is that some admit it . I myself deny it . - H. L. Mencken

"There lived many brave men before Agamemnon, but all are overwhelmed in unending night, unmourned and unknown, because they lack a poet to give them immortality." Horace

"I don't know how many of them it would have taken to kick my ass, but I knew how many they were going to use." Ron White

"When men become desperate they consult the gods. And when the gods become desperate, they tell lies." Lukhangwa

"Luck never gives, only lends." Swedish proverb

"That's the great advantage of making the same mistake a lot of times. You come to know it, and you can study it and get inside it, really make it yours." Joe Farrell

"Falling in love is the first mistake in life." Bei Dao

"Sounds like the modern high-tech equivalent of trying to peel your beer label off in one piece." Shane Douglas

"History is not the past; it is oour just-so story of the present, why things are the way they are." Joel GAzis-SAx

"These are those who came this way without the Cup of Sympathy. Each imagines the others to be terrifying demons and thinks he acts only in self-defense. Tragic and ironic, is it not?" Nud the Allmousey

"In Italy, for 30 years under the Borgias, they had warfare, terror, murder, bloodshed; but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci and the Renaissance. In Switzerland, they had brotherly love. They had 500 years of democracy and peace, and what did that produce? The cuckoo clock." Harry Lime

Seinfeld
George Costanza: Jerry, just remember, it's not a lie if you believe it.

Army of Darkness
Sheila: You found me beautiful once...
Ash: Honey, you got reeeal ugly!

"A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic."
-Joseph Stalin

personally i live by this one:

"When choosing between two evils, I always like to take the one I've never tried before."
-Mae West

"When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself."
- Peter O'Toole

Lady Astor: "Winston, if I were your wife I'd put poison in your coffee."
Winston Churchhill: "Nancy, if I were your husband I'd drink it."


Bessie Braddock: "Winston, your drunk!
Churchill: "Bessie, your ugly, and tomorrow morning I shall be sober

Sir Winston Churchill


Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the universe.
Albert Einstein


"if video games realll effected us as children, we'd all be sitting around in dark rooms listening to repetitive electronic music munching on pills"
-who knows

Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.--Benjamin Franklin

They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety. --Benjamin Franklin

Tomorrow Comes A Day Too Soon -- Flogging Molly

Doctor: Mr. Bertenshaw?
Mr. B: Me, Doctor.
Doctor: No, me doctor, you Mr. Bertenshaw.
-Monty Python


Jonathan Swift:

"When a true genius appears in this world, you may know him by this sign: that the dunces are all in a confederacy against him."

"What matters isn't being applauded when you arrive -- for that is common -- but being missed when you leave." Baltasar Gracian

"The brother hood of man is not a mere poet's dream; it is a most depressing and humiliating reality." Oscar Wilde

"The only reason some people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory." Paul Fix

"When I think over what I have said, I envy dumb people." Seneca

"Your reality, sir, is lies and balderdash and I am delighted to say that I have no grasp of it whatsoever." Baron Munchausen

"Take the world population, divide by one, and see how important you are." Charles Trenk

"Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life." George Bernard Shaw

"We slept like babies. We woke up every two hours and cried." Todd Skinner

"An object at rest cannot be stopped!" The Evil Midnight Bomber What Bombs at Midnight

"A philosopher might say that Joshua Norton was not wrong in his conviction that he was the emperor of the United States; he simply failed to convince the American people that they were his subjects." Dr. David Weeks

"Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted." ~ Albert Einstein

"He who cannot do what he wishes, must needs do as he can" ~ Proverb

"Think only of the past as its remembrance gives you pleasure" ~ Pride & Prejudice

"A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems." ~ Paul Erdos

"Be somebody, or be somebody's fool."

The immortal poet, Laurence Turead aka Mr. T

A-Team
Murdock: I'm not nuts, I'm condiments. I've been promoted.

Red Dwarf
Lister: This is crazy. Why are we talking about going to bed with Wilma Flintstone?
Cat: You're right. We're nuts. This is an insane conversation.
Lister: She'll never leave Fred, and we know it.

Dogma
Bethany: What's he like?
Metatron: God? Lonely, but funny. He's got a great sense of humor. Take sex for example. There's nothing funnier then the faces you people make mid-coitus.
Bethany: Sex is a joke in Heaven?
Metatron: The way I understand it, it's mostly a joke down here, too.

Return of the Living Dead
Zombie: Get this damn screwdriver out of my head!

Hellraiser
No tears, please. It's a waste of good suffering!

Hellraiser 3
Pinhead: Unbearable, isn't it? The suffering of strangers, the agony of friends. There is a secret song at the center of the world, Joey, and its sound is like razors through flesh.
Joey: I don't believe you.
Pinhead: Oh come, you can hear its faint echo right now. I'm here to turn up the volume. To press the stinking face of humanity into the dark blood of its own secret heart

"Experience is the worst teacher; it gives the test before presenting the lesson." Vernon Law

"If I am a gentleman and you are a gentleman, who will milk the cow?" Irish folk saying

"I never drive faster than I can see." Jack Burton

"To err is human, but when the eraser wears out ahead of the pencil, you're overdoing it." J. Jenkins

"When ideas fail, words come in very handy." Goethe

"Oh, about beer I never lie. A man who lies about beer makes enemies." Judson Crandall

"Is the soul itself a hell from which only demons gibber?" CG Jung

"Its legs are too short to reach the ground." Dean Fellabaum

"If you wish to drown, don't torture yourself with shallow waters." Belgian proverb

"Strange is man when he seeks after his gods." Robert Ripley (believe it or not)