MAd Quotes

Not to know what has been transacted in former times is to be always a child. If no use is made of the labors of past ages, the world must remain always in the infancy of knowledge.
- Cicero

"God is not on the side of the big battalions, but of the best shots."
~Voltaire

"Veni, Vedi, Vici (I came, I saw, I conquered)"
~Julius Ceasar

Win if you can, lose if you must, but always cheat."
~Jesse Ventura, former Navy SEAL, and now Governor of Minnisotta

Intelligence is the world's second-oldest profession. It differs from the oldest profession in that it is more immoral and more commonly practiced by amateurs.
~Unknown

"I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me."
~General George S. Patton

"Walk away. Find something else to do. Because the life you save may be your own."
--Arn Anderson

"In order to be the man, you gotta beat the man."
--Ric Flair

"Mongo only pawn in game of life."
--Mongo

"I know what you're thinking. Did he fire 5 shots or 6. To tell you the truth, in all the excitement I lost count myself. So the thing you gotta ask yourself is do you feel lucky. Well, do you feel lucky, punk?"
--Insp. Harry Callahan

Justice League

Batman: I'm not really a people person. But when you need help, and you will, call me.

Hawkgirl: That's fast.
The Flash: Yeah, fastest man alive.
Hawkgirl: Which might explain why you can't get a date.

Flash: (J'onn having suggested they travel in civvies) "Hold on a second here. What about the whole secret identity thing? I mean, I trust you guys but I'm not sure I'm ready to--"
Batman: "Wally West. Clark Kent. (removes his own cowl). Bruce Wayne."
Flash: "...showoff."

Clone High

Shadowy Board Leader: Listen we've all done things we're not proud of after a good cross country meet, but that riot was unacceptable
Scudworth: Unacceptable? Did you see the pool? They flipped the bitch.

Announcer: Next time on a very special clone high, Will Abe and Joans student films reveal their true feelings for one other? How will Scudworth get himself out of another dangerous pickle? And what will become of Gandhi? I'd tell you but I haven't seen the episode yet, they were supposed to send it to me but there's this guy at work who totally hates me, if he gets me fired I'm going to kill his dog...
[show ends]

Invader Zim

Ms. Bitters: Children, your performance in the school fundraiser was pathetic. Your parents will receive phone calls instructing them to love you less.

Gir: I'm gonna roll around on the floor for a while. KAY?

Stargate SG-1

Jack O'Neill: So what's your impression of Alar?
Teal'c: That he is concealing something.
Jack O'Neill: Like what?
Teal'c: I am unsure - he is concealing it

General George S. Hammond: You ever think of writing a book about your exploits in the line of duty?
Jack O'Neill: I've thought about it. But then, I'd have to shoot anyone that actually read it.

The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an oncoming train. --Murphy's law

I'm vahklempt. Talk amongst yahselves... --Mike Myers (SNL)

In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards. -- Mark Twain

Sometimes the mind, for reasons we don't necessarily understand, just decides to go to the store for a quart of milk. --Anonymous

and now one of my favorite shows:
Red Dwarf:
Kryten: "But if people see my face, what are they going to think?"
Rimmer: "Tell them you had an accident. Tell them you took your car to the crushers and forgot to get out."

Now kindly cluck off, before I extract your gibblets, and shove a large seasoned onion between the lips you never kiss with. " -- Rimmer

How come you need more memory? Over the years you've had more RAM than a field of sheep. --Cat

Don't try to argue with an idiot. They'll only drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.
~Anonymous

If I owned this place and Hell, I'd rent this place out and live in Hell.
~Toombs - Chronicles of Riddick

If there's any doubt, there is no doubt.
~Sam - Ronin

I know I'm a smartass. It's better that being a dumbass.
~Ghoste

Why are your eyeballs so big?
~Some pissed wanker I met on Saturday night

Patience in all things.
~I wish I knew who said this first, they're words to live by.

Whats a dazzeling urbanite like you doing in a place like this?
-Blazing saddles

Han: You could use a good kiss.
Leia: I'd rather kiss a wookie.
Han: I can arrange that!

"veni, vidi, visa"
I came, I saw, I went shopping...

Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before

Money can't buy friends, but it can get you a better class of enemy.
Spike Milligan

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
Spike Milligan

All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
Spike Milligan

Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.
Spike Milligan

Every now and then--call it a conjoining of the stars, call it serendipity, call it happenstance--there comes a time when people and events that have no business being together are juxtaposed into some hypercosmic nexus. It is in those moments that magic is real...that the dead truly speak to the living...that the doors between worlds are opened for a few moments...only moments. But in those moments one can live centuries.
-S.P. Somtow, "Temple of Night"

Awe is the response of the rational mind to the fact that the universe exceeds it's comprehension.
-I have no idea where this quote is from...


"The world is just an illusion. We're just actors in a dream."
-Bennie, "The Irrefutable Truth About Demons"

"We are the universe trying to understand itself."
-Delenn, "Babylon 5"

The hottest places in hell are reserved for those who, in times of moral crises, preserved their neutrality.
Dante's Inferno

An eye for an eye leave the whole world blind.
Ghandi

Hail to the king, baby
Ash in Army of Darkness

'Cause, remember, no matter where you go..... there you are.
Buckaroo Banzi

From hell's heart I stab at thee.... For hate's sake... I spit my last breath at thee!
Khan , Star Trek II

"The greatest happiness is to scatter your enemy, to drive him before you, to see his cities reduced to ashes, to see those who love him shrouded in tears, and to gather into your bosom his wives and daughters."
Ghengis Khan (circa 1226)

You're not outnumbered; you're just in a target-rich environment.
unknown

"WIZARD PARKING ONLY"... All Others Will Be Toad.
Unknown

Meesa Jar Jar Binks of Borg! Yousa gonna be Assim'lated!
Someone with too much time on thier hands!

"Reality is an illusion created by a lack of good alcohol."
Ralph Puke. An ethically challenged merchant and bullfighter.

"Only the Phoenix rises and does not descend. And everything changes. And nothing is truly lost." -from Sandman

From dodgeball - "You're about as useless as a poop flavored lollipop"

"Oh my god, Brian, there's a message in my Alphabits. It says, 'Oooooo.'" -Peter Griffin

And now for some great Chappelle show quotes:
"Why don't you purify yourself in the waters of Lake Minnetonka?" - Prince

"Remember what the Bible says: He who is without sin, cast the first rock. And I shall smoketh it." - Tyrone Biggums

"You wanna know what dog food tastes like? Do you? It tastes just like it smells... delicious." - Tyrone Biggums

"I CAN'T STOP YELLIN' CAUSE THAT'S HOW I TALK. EVER SEEN MY MOVIES? JUICE! THAT WAS A GOOD ONE! DEEP BLUE SEA! THEY ATE ME! A F@#$%^& SHARK ATE ME! JURASSIC PARK!" - Samuel L Jackson

"A man's best friend is his dogma"
- Timothy Leary

"We came, we saw, we kicked its ass."
Dr. Peter Venkman

"Back off man, I'm a scientist."
Dr. Peter Venkman

"It's true, this man has no d---"
Dr. Peter Venkman

"Excuse me while I whip this out."
Bart

"Well, my name is Jim, but most people call me... Jim."
The Waco Kid

You know that fine line between insanity and genius? You're not supposed to use it as a jumprope!" -- Jarrett Carberry

"Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, Interrogative?"

"Critics are like eunuchs in a harem: They know how it's done, they've seen it done every day, but they're unable to do it themselves." -- Irish playwright Brendan Behan

paranoia, n.: A healthy understanding of the way the universe works.

Ash - Good, bad, I'm the guy with the gun.
Rick Mercer - If you were a protestor in Canada would you climb on top of Peter Mans Bridge.
Jack Black from the Mr. Show movie - Give em just a little kick in the C**t
2 Quotes from Bubba Hotep - "What do I care, I got a growth on my pecker." and "Eat the dog Dick of Anubis, Asswipe"
Donnie Darko - Yeah, And I think you're the F**king Antichrist.
[edit] Okay have toi add the greatest quote I've heard in a long time by my buddy steve. this takes the cake as one of the stupidest things said in the past year.

"I like the zombies in Resident Evil because they act just like they do in real life."