A Popular Ode to The Patrician Commenting on his Lack of Functions

The Patrician doesn't have balls
It's said that he doesn't enjoy them at all
So you won't find them held in those white marble halls;
The Patrician doesn't have balls.
The Patrician doesn't have balls
It's said that the very thought makes his skin crawl;
He hasn't had one that a soul can recall.
The Patrician doesn't have balls.

The Patrician doesn't have balls
It's said that he never will and doesn't care
So young ladies seeking a mate go elsewhere;
The Patrician doesn't have balls.

The Patrician doesn't have balls
It's said that he hates them, but I couldn't swear.
He avoids grasping maidens, both brunette and fair;
The Patrician doesn't have balls.

The Patrician doesn't have balls
It's said he can dance but have you seen him try?
His refusal makes debutantes on the make cry;
The Patrician doesn't have balls.

The Patrician doesn't have balls
It's said that he will one day, when pigs can fly
You heard it here first, and I tell you no lie;
The Patrician doesn't have balls.