Silav gets...hentai?

[03:57] <+Osi> I just wrote an exam...I think I did pretty good
[03:57] <@Kaname> congrats
[03:57] <@Silav101> Osi. I want you manboobs.
[03:57] <+Osi> and now I have one tomorrow morning
[03:57] <@Silav101> your*
[03:57] <+Osi> you want me manboobs?
[03:57] <@Silav101> yes
[03:57] <@Silav101> come sit on my lap, that I might fondle them lovingly.
[03:58] <+Osi> hmmm a little hard considering I don't have manboobs
[03:58] <@Silav101> I have food.
[03:58] * Kaname rolls her eyes
[03:58] <@Silav101> we can work on it.
[03:58] <+Osi> ^^;;
[03:58] <@Silav101> XD

Bohemian Parody

Ladies, Gentlemen, A-sexuals, Bisexuals, Homosexuals, pre-op transsexuals, Company managers.
May I present... Bohemian Parody. (By Mazz Murray)

Is this the real song? Is this for charity?
Written for laughs and escaping all clarity.
Open your hearts,
We'll show these old farts, just see!
I'm just a poor turn; I need your sympathy!
Because we're: easy hired, easy fired,
Always ill, and very tired.
Anyway we opened, press all took their seats,
Coz they're free (they're free)
Mama, just read the critics,
They said we were the pits,
Tried to put us in the sh!ts.
Mama, we had just begun,
And now they've gone and thrown it all away.
Mama, oooooh.
Did they mean to make us cry?
If we don't do another show tomorrow.
Carry on, carry on, cos critics never matter.
Nigel Planer!
Nigel Planer!
Too late our time has come.
We can fill that barn.
So much more than Notre dame.
Goodbye every body.
We've got to go.
Got a global dream,
We thought we did it all
Mama, ooh (any way the palms flow)
We don't want to close.
We'd rather that, than never been hired at all.
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! etc...
I see a little silhouette of the press.
Scare em off! Scare em off!
Kick em in the fandangos!
Thunderbolts and lightening,
Very Sarah Brightman.
Daily Mail (Daily Mail)
Daily mail (Daily Mail)
Daily Mail could you go?
Magnifico-o-o
I'm just a poor turn in a rich company.
He's just a poor turn in a rich company.
Spare us our jobs, give us longevity.
Easy hired, easy fired, we are very tired.
Ben Elton, no! We will not let him go, let him go,
Ben Elton, we will not let him go, let him go,
Ben Elton, we will not let him go, let him go,
Will not let him go, let him go,
Will not let him go. Let him go-o-o-o,
No no no no no no no.
Oh mamma mia mamma mia (mamma mia it's a show)
Our lives were changed,
When we did the Jubilee,
With royalty on BBC TV.
So you think you can stab us and spit in our eyes?
Now I suppose you won't love us and wish you could die
Oh Brian
We will run for you Brian
Get those critics out,
Just get those critics right out of here
Oooooh Oooooh Oooooh
Roger! Roger!
Critics never matter, only when their bad
Critics never matter.
Critics never matter, they're sad.
Anyway we're sold out

Fellowship Rhapsody

Is this a drama?
Is this a fantasy?
Old British actors
And a Best Picture nominee
Three hours long
Part one of a trilogy
J.R.R. Tolkien has gone down in history
(Tol-kien)
Because he wrote of Dwarves, Orcs and rings,
Middle Earth, Elves and kings
This is Frodo's story, a rip off of a song done by Queen,
--by Queen

Gandalf, I've found a ring,
Held it out into the fire,
At first I didn't see a thing
Gandalf, I was having fun,
And now you say I have to leave the Shire

Gandalf, ooo-oo
I don't wanna go,
If I don't try to take this thing to Mordor-
We will die! We will die! And it will all be my fault

Samwise, don't come with me
The One Ring calls my name
Hold it and you'll feel the same
Samwise, little buddy, What has Bilbo done?
He stole My Precious out of Gollum's cave

Samwise, ooo-oo
( listen Samwise Gamgee)
The Ringwraiths follow me,
So go back home with Peregrin Took and Merry

I'm just a tiny little Hobbit of a man
Mount Doom! Mount Doom! Travel to the Prancing Pony!
Aragorn is Strider! Ambushed by the nine dead kings!
Gandalf's missing, Gandalf's missing,
Gandalf's missing, Gandalf's missing,
Gandalf's missing, where'd he go?
Where should we go o o o?


Hide in the ruins-no one will find me,
A Ringwraith has stabbed him! It's a bad injury!
Arwen is here with her Elf sorcery!
Rivendell, Rivendell. Council has to vote.


Which one will go?-Let's all make Gimli go!
(I won't go!)
Which one will-Prince Boromir will go!
(I won't go!)
Then who will---The Elven King will go!
(I won't go!)
Legolas will go!
(I won't go!)
Aragorn will go!
(I won't goooooooooo!)
No! No! No! No! No! No! No!
Oh Frodo Baggins, Frodo Baggins! Did you just say you'd go?
Oh Saruman has a Balrog set aside for me! For me! For meeeeee!

So you think I will run when I see Sauron's eye?
Boromir battled Orcs and they left him to die!
Oh, Samwise-Won't you listen to me Samwise,
Just got to get out-Just got to take a boat out of here!

Ooooooo Oooooo, Ooooo, Ooo Yeah, Ooo Yeah
Get this ring to Mordor,
Throw it in the fire
Get this ring to Mordor
Then I'll go back home to the Shire.

This is Frodo's story

[dialog between Samwise and Frodo]

Saiyan Rhapsody (v 5.0)

It's not a cartoon,
it is just an anime'
named Dragon Ball Z
it's an escape from reality.
Open your eyes,
look at the TV and see...
that is Vegeta,
he is a Saiya-jin
he is evil now--evil then
then turns good--then turns bad.
His ally is Nappa,
they're facing the Z warriors now.
Time to die

Nappa,
just kill the man,
put a blast across his head
explode your ki and now his dead.
Nappa,
that was just Chao-Tzu
now eliminate the bald guy,Ten-shin Han!
Nappa,
Ooouuuhhh!
didn't mean to make you wait,
but we gotta wait for kakarrot!
Carry on, Carry on...
he's not coming after all.

Too late!
he has arrived!
just killed many of his friends,
now he's going to kick your tail!
Good-bye, everybody!
your time has come,
you are useless now
because he broke your back!!
Nappa!
Ooouuhhh!
You don't want die,
but sometimes I wish you'd never been born at all!

I see a lil' space pod flying through my window.
I can't believe,
can't believe,
I was defeated by earthlings!!
Thunderbolt and lightning!!!
Gotta go to Namek now--!!!
Do-do-dodoria!
do-dodoria
Do-dodoria!
do-dodoria
Do-dodoria you are dead!!!
You are next Zarbon-bon-bon...!
you may have beat me--I'll come back and kill you,
he may have beat you--you'll come back and kill him!
don't spare him his life from his monstrosity!!
Easy comes--easy goes
the Dragon Balls are gone
Its Freeza--Nooo! First transformation-no!
He'll kill you!
It's Freeza--Nooo! Second transformation!
He'll kill you!
It's Freeza--! Perfect transformation!
He'll kill you!
Perfect transformation--!
He'll kill you!
Never, never, never--!
He'll kill you
No, No, No, No, No, NO!
Oh, Kakarrotto
Kakarrotto
Kakarrotto avenge my dead!!!
Don't BE a fool, just-turn-into-a Super Saiya-jin!
Saiya-jin!
Saiya-jiiiiiiiiiin!
!!!!!!!BOOOOM!!!!!!

So you think you can kill me
and laugh out loud!
So you think you can stop me
and leave me to die!
oooooooooh! Freeza--!
you are so wrong Freeza!
Prepare to die--!
Prepare to die at my hands!

Nothing really matters,
I'm a Saiya-jin.
Nothing really matters,
nothing really matters...to me

Anywhere the wind blows

Lion King Rhapsody (V 4.0)

Timon: This is the great life.
No rules and no worries.
Simba: Caught in a stampede,
No escape from the wildebeest.
Rafiki: Open your eyes. Go look down there and see.
Simba: I'm not the king now, why does anyone need me?
Nala: Because it's your responsibility. Come on, Simba, don't you see?
Simba: Any way the floss blows, doesn't really matter, to me, to me.
Simba: Taka, just killed my dad.
There was a stampede in the gorge, tried to save me, now he's
dead.
Scar: Taka, just killed my dad.
There was a stampede in the gorge, tried to save me, now he's
dead.Simba's life had just begun.
For me it is a deep personal loss.
Simba: Taka, ooh, didn't mean for him to die.
Scar: No one ever means for these things to happen.
Run away, run away, and never return, Simba.
Mufasa: Some day, a time will come
When I'll look down from the stars, so remember who you are.
Simba: Goodbye, old Rafiki, I've got to go.
Gotta leave this all behind to face my past.
Mouse: Taka, ooh, (anyway the floss blows) I don't want to die
Scar: I sometimes think that life's not fair at all.
Me: I see another message from Kurabi.
Scaraholic, Scaraholic, will you stay on the list or go?
Thunderbolt and lightning, very, very frightening, Ian
(Rocio) Rocio (Rocio) Rocio, Rocio Orozco, where'd you go.
Rocio: Ryan's a nice boy, but his balloons scare me.
Zazu: Well madam, there's one in every family.
Come to think of it, two in mine actually.
Banzai: Did we order this meal to go?
Shenzi: No, why?
Banzai: 'Cause there it goes.
Hyenas: Mufasa! No, we will not let you go.
(Let him go!) Mufasa! We will not let you go.
(Let him go!) Mufasa! We will not let you go.
(Let me go!)Will not let you go!
(Let me go!)Will not let you go! (Let me go!) Ah
Ngo thando, ngo xolo.
Taka: (Oh Sarafina, Sarafina)Sarafina let me go.
Melmokh Gol'shekh has a Makei put aside for me, for me, for me.
Mike: So you think you can flame me and spit in my eye
So you think you can love Nala's emerald eyes.
Oh baby, can't do this to me baby
Just gotta get out, just gotta get right outta here.

Timon: Nothing really matters, anyone can see
Hakuna Matata
Nothing really matters to me.

Anyway the floss blows...

Bohemian RPG (v 3.0)

Sick of your real life?
Welcome to fantasy.
Werewolf and Changeling,
my escapes from reality.
Just roll your dice,
look up to the skies and pray.
I'm just a half elf,
I don't need no sympathy.
Rolls are easy come, easy go.
Roll it high, roll it low.
Any way the orcs come
doesn't really matter to me,
to me.

My guy just killed a man.
Drained the blood out of his veins,
now he's feeling no pain.
Mama, our game's just begun.
No need to put the laundry all away.
Johnny, oooh.
No exasperated sighs.
If I'm not back in the next five minutes,
carry on, carry on,
'cause my character doesn't matter.

Too late,
our time is done.
That sent shivers down my spine,
wish we could play all the time.
Goodbye, everybody.
It's time to go.
Gotta leave this all behind and face the world.
Tommy, ooooh.
Don't want my guy to die.
I sometimes wish that you never are DM.

(Guitar Solo 1)

I see a little sillouhetto of an elf.
RPG! RPG!
D&D and World of Darkness.
Thunderbolts and lightning,
very, very frightening me.

Reach Golconda!
Reach Golconda!
Reach Golconda!
Reach Golconda!
Reach Golconda is my goal.
Elven arro-o-o-o-o-ows.

I'm just a poor dwarf,
nobody loves me.
He's just a poor dwarf from a great lineage.
Spare him his life, he is of use to me.

Roll it high, don't roll low.
Will they let me go?
Fives and threes.
No, they will not let you go.
Let me go!
Fives and threes.
No, they will not let you go.
Let me go!
Fives and threes.
No, they will not let you go.
Let me go!
They won't let you go.
Let me go!
They won't let you go.
(Sevens, sevens, sevens) Here we go! Ohhhh!
Roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll!

Oh, Sasha Vykos, Sasha Vykos.
Sasha Vykos, let me go.
The Masquerade has a coffin set aside for me.
For me.
FOR ME!

(Guitar Solo 2)

So you think you can strike me and spit in my eye?
So you think you can stake me and leve me to die?
Oh, baby.
Now it's Demon time, baby.
Just gonna RP.
Playin' all through the year.

(Guitar Solo 3)

Ooooooooooh.
Ooh, yeah. Ooh, yeah.

Real life doesn't matter.
All the gamers see
real life doesn't matter.
Nothing really matters to me.

Any way the dice roll.

SCO Rhapsody (Bohemian Rhapsody v2.0)

SCO Rhapsody
[mel. Bohemian Rhapsody, Queen]

Is this SysV code-
Is this just fantasy-
Caught in discovery-
No escape from reality

Hand us your source
It must contain our IP-
I'm just a poor boy, I need no sympathy-
Because I’m pumping stock, with nil to show,
A little high, little low,
Whatever the facts show, doesn’t really matter to me,
To me

Grokkers, I've sued Big Blue
Followed voices in my head,
Filed a case, and now I'm dead,
Grokkers, hoped they'd buy me out,
But now I’ve gone and thrown it all away-
Grokkers ooo,
Don't mean to make you sad-
If there's no press release this time tomorrow-
Carry on, carry on, as if all this didn't matter-

No case!, the judge has ruled,
Sends shivers down my spine-
Stock is dropping all the time,
Goodbye dear Grokkers-I’ve got to go-
Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth-
Grokkers ooo- (whatever the facts show)
I don’t want to lose,
I sometimes wish I’d never spead FUD at all-

I see a growing silhouetto of a penguin,
Microsoft, Microsoft will you fund my ligitation-
Source code and Linuxing-very very frightening me-
GPL, GPL,
GPL, GPL,
GPL is hard to spell-for SCO-
But I’m just a poor boy and nobody loves me-
He’s just a poor boy from a poor company-
Spare him his stock from this monstrosity-
Easy come easy go-, will you let me go-
Darl McBride! no-, we will not let you go-let him go-
Darl McBride! we will not let you go-let him go
Darl McBride! we will not let you go-let me go
Will not let you go-let me go
Will not let you go let me go
No, no, no, no, no, no, no-
Mama mia, mama mia, mama mia let me go-
The community has a devil put aside for me, for me, for me-

Do you think you can stop us with FUD dressed up in ties-
Take the code that you like and then spit in our eyes-
Oh McBride-can’t do this to us Darl-
Just gotta get out-just gotta get right outta here-

Only money matters,
Anyone can see,
Only money matters-, only money matters to me,

Whatever the facts show ...

John Masefield "Sea Fever"

I must down to the seas again, to the lonely sea and the sky, And all I ask is a tall ship and a star to steer her by, And the wheel's kick and the wind's song and the white sail's shaking, And a grey mist on the sea's face and a grey dawn breaking.

I must down to the seas again, for the call of the running tide Is a wild call and a clear call that may not be denied;

And all I ask is a windy day with the white clouds flying, And the flung spray and the blown spume, and the sea-gulls crying.

I must down to the seas again to the vagrant gypsy life.

To the gull's way and the whale's way where the wind's like a whetted knife;

And all I ask is a merry yarn from a laughing fellow-rover, And quiet sleep and a sweet dream when the long trek's over.

More hmanga madness

<%Keiji> dummit.. i want to be 168cm ._. gimmi my 8cms
> Keiji is a smurf!
<@bigfire54> LMAO!
* The_Mighty_Highlord points and goes away laughing
<@bigfire54> go TMH GO!
* Keiji bites t-chan's long legs
<@bigfire54> hahahaha
<+kuman> why u want to be 168?
<%Keiji> bite bite bite

Supreme Sisters fighting

[15:21] * Chiiiii pokes sis to sleep
[15:21] <%Lighter> onion head!!!!!!!!
[15:21] <%Chiiiii> meat head
[15:21] <%Lighter> pig head <.<
[15:21] <%Chiiiii> vaka head
[15:21] <%Lighter> peas head
[15:21] <%Lighter> no wait
[15:21] <%Chiiiii> peas head!??
[15:21] <%Lighter> peas brain
[15:21] <%Chiiiii> Rei head
[15:22] <%Lighter> ärthjärna
[15:22] <%Chiiiii> i will cruch your head
[15:22] <%Lighter> trex head

and so on...hilarious, isn't it?

Live Long and Prosper, Gunbuster

[22:17] <@Gunbuster> Stardate 056.4
[22:17] <@GluLm> hehehe
[22:17] > no way lol
[22:17] <@Gunbuster> Acting Captain Lt. Cmdr. Gunbuster
[22:17] <%Chiiiii> what stardate
[22:17] <@Gunbuster> His voyage
[22:17] <@Gunbuster> Through the land of Hentai
[22:17] <@Gunbuster> Where no man
[22:17] <@Gunbuster> Or woman
[22:17] <@Gunbuster> Has gone before
[22:17] * Gunbuster cue's intergalatic space music
[22:17] <@GluLm> lmao
[22:17] > hahaha
[22:17] > you are blogged my man

75 Fun Ways To Order A Pizza

Dedicado a la amiga Delia, Que su Pericia En las Pizzas no Disminuya :D

1. Belch directly into the mouthpiece; then tell your dog it should be ashamed.

2. Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it.

3. When they repeat your order, say "Again, with a little more OOMPH this time."

4. Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal.

5. Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation."

6. Tell the order taker a rival pizza place is on the other line and you're going with the lowest bidder.

7. When they ask for your phone # give them theirs and see if they notice.

8. Answer their questions with questions.

9. Tell them to put the crust on top this time.

10. Sing the order to the tune of your favorite song from Metallica's "Master of Puppets" CD.

11. Do not name the toppings you want. Rather, spell them out.

12. Stutter on the letter "p."

13. Make a list of exotic cuisines. Order them as toppings.

14. Put an extra edge in your voice when you say "crazy bread."

15. Change your accent every three seconds.

16. Ask if you get to keep the pizza box. When they say yes, heave a sigh of relief.

17. Ask what the order taker is wearing.

18. Move the mouthpiece farther and farther from your lips as you speak. When the call ends, jerk the mouthpiece back into place and scream goodbye at the top of your lungs.

19. Say hello, act stunned for five seconds, then behave as if they called you.

20. Say "Are you sure this is (Pizza Place)? When they say yes, say "Well, so is this! You've got some explaining to do!" See how they respond.

21. Tell the order taker you're depressed. Get him/her to cheer you up.

22. Imitate the order taker's voice.

23. Tell them to double-check to make sure your pizza is, in fact, dead.

24. Order 52 pepperoni slices prepared in a fractal pattern as follows from an equation you are about to dictate. Ask if they need paper.

25. Act like you know the order taker from somewhere. Say "Bed-Wetters' Camp, right?"

26. Put the accent on the last syllable of "pepperoni." Use the long "i" sound.

27. If they repeat the order to make sure they have it right, say "OK. That'll be $10.99; please pull up to the first window."

28. Eliminate verbs from your speech.

29. Say it's your anniversary and you'd appreciate if the deliverer hid behind some furniture waiting for your spouse to arrive so you can surprise him/her.

30. Amuse the order taker with little-known facts about country music.

31. Ask to see a menu.

32. Have your pizza "shaken, not stirred."

33. Ask if they have any idea what is at stake with this pizza.

34. Ask what topping goes best with well-aged Chardonnay.

35. If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask person taking the order to stop doing that.

36. Order a slice, not a whole pizza.

37. Doze off in the middle of the order, catch yourself, and say "Where was I? Who are you?"

38. Psychoanalyze the order taker.

39. Ask what their phone number is. Hang up, call them, and ask again.

40. Order two toppings, then say, "No, they'll start fighting."

41. Call to complain about service. Later, call to say you were drunk and didn't mean it.

42. If he/she suggests anything, adamantly declare, "I shall not be swayed by your sweet words."

43. Wonder aloud if you should trim those nose hairs.

44. Try to talk while drinking something.

45. Start the conversation with "My Call to (Pizza Place), Take 1, and. . . action!"

46. Ask if the pizza is organically grown.

47. Ask about pizza maintenance and repair.

48. Be vague in your order.

49. Use CB lingo where applicable.

50. If using a touch-tone press 9-1-1 every 5 seconds throughout the order.

51. After ordering, say "I wonder what THIS button on the phone does." Simulate a cutoff.

52. Start the conversation by reciting today's date and saying, "This may be my last entry."

53. State your order and say that's as far as this relationship is going to get.

54. Learn to properly pronounce the ingredients of a Twinkie. Ask that these be included in the pizza.

55. Ask if they're familiar with the term "spanking a pizza." Make up a description to go with the term. Ask that this be done to your pizza.

56. Say "Kssssssssssssssht" rather loudly into the phone. Ask if they felt that.

57. When listing toppings you want on your pizza, include another pizza.

58. Ask if they would like to sample your pizza. Suggest an even trade.

59. Put them on hold.

60. Teach the order taker a secret code. Use the code on all subsequent orders.

61. Mumble, "There's a bomb under your seat." When asked to repeat that, say "I said 'sauce smothered with meat'."

62. Make the first topping you order mushrooms. Make the last thing you say "No mushrooms, please." Hang up before they have a chance to respond.

63. When the order is repeated, change it slightly. When it is repeated again, change it again. On the third time, say "You just don't get it, do you?"

64. When you've given the price, say "Ooooooo, that sounds complicated. I hate math."

65. Haggle.

66. Order a one-inch pizza.

67. Order term life insurance.

68. When they say "Will that be all?", snicker and say "We'll find out, won't we?"

69. Ask how many dolphins were killed to make that pizza.

70. While on the phone, fake entering puberty. Fluctuate pitch often; act embarrassed.

71. Dance all around the word "pizza." Avoid saying it at all costs. If he/she says it, say "Please don't mention that word."

72. Have a movie with a good car chase scene playing loudly in the background. Yell "OW!" when a bullet is fired.

73. If he/she suggests a side order, ask why he/she is punishing you.

74. Ask if the pizza has had its shots.

75. Order a steamed pizza.

Why Men Are Happier Than Women!

Why Men Are Happier Than Women!

1. We keep our last name.
2. The garage is all ours.
3. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
4. Chocolate is just another snack.
5. We can be president.
6. We can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
7. Car mechanics tell us the truth.
8. The world is our urinal.
9. We never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too icky.
10. Same work, more pay.
11. Wrinkles add character.
12. Wedding dress - $5000; tux rental - $100.
13. People never stare at our chest when we're talking to them.
14. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
15. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle our feet.
16. One mood, ALL the time.
17. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
18. We know stuff about tanks.
19. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
20. We can open all our own jars.
21. We get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
22. If someone forgets to invite us, he or she can still be our friend.
23. Our underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
24. Everything on our face stays its original color.
25. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
26. We don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
27. We almost never have strap problems in public
28. We are unable to see wrinkles in our clothes.
29. The same hair style lasts for years, maybe decades.
30. We don't have to shave below our neck.
31. Our belly usually hides our big hips.
32. One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
33. We can "do" our nails with a pocket-knife.
34. We have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
35. We can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives, on December 24, in 45 minutes.

Dont you hate it when...

You've been standing in a grocery store line-up for at least 10 minutes, you're next in line and a cashier opens up a line. Inevitably, all the people in the line behind you run over to the new line and get served before you do.

The boss calls you on his speakerphone.

You buy a new pair of shoes that fit perfectly in the shoe store but start to rub and cause blisters on your feet the moment you actually start wearing them.



Someone 90 years old is doing 30 mph on the expressway in the passing lane.
You ride there tail and they can't see you. You blast your horn and they can't hear you.



What's worse than a cold toilet seat? A warm toilet seat. There's only one way short of magic it could have gotten warm. At first, you're almost thankful it's warm, then you get to thinking... this is the result of another person's ass-warmth.

Growing up in the 80's

Dear Kids of America:

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning uphill both ways through year 'round blizzards carrying their younger siblings on their backs to their one-room schoolhouse where they maintained a straight-A average despite their full-time after-school job at the local textile mill where they worked for 35 cents an hour just to help keep their family from starving to death!

And I remember promising myself that when I grew up there was no way I was going to lay a bunch of shit like that on kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it. But.... Now that I've reached the ripe old age of forty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today. You've got it so easy! Compared to my childhood, you live in a freaking Utopia! And I hate to say it but you kids today you don't know how good you've got it!

When I was a kid we didn't have The Internet -- we wanted to know something, we had to go to the library and look it up ourselves! And there was no email! We had to actually write somebody a letter -- with a pen! --and then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take like a week to get there! And there were no MP3s or Napster! You wanted to steal music, you had to go to the record store and shoplift it yourself! Or we had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ would usually talk over the beginning and mess it all up!

You want to hear about hardship? You couldn't just download porn! You had to bribe some homeless dude to buy you a copy of "Hustler" at the 7-11! Those were your options! We didn't have fancy stuff like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal! And we didn't have fancy Caller ID Boxes either. When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was. It could be your boss, your mom, a collections agent, you didn't know! You just had to pick it up and take your chances!

We didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like "Space Invaders" and "Asteroids" and the graphics sucked! Your guy was a little square and in order to have any fun you had to rely on your imagination! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen forever! And you could never win, the game just kept on getting harder and faster until you died! When you went to the movie theater there no such thing as stadium seating! All the seats were the same height! A tall guy sat in front of you, you were out of luck. And sure, we had cable television, but back then that was only like 20 channels and there was no on screen menu! You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! And there was no Cartoon Network! You could only get cartoons on Saturday morning. Did you hear what I said you lazy little freaks? We had to wait all week for cartoons! That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1980! .....But I don't want to lecture you.