Memorable Quotes from Splinter Cell: Chaos Theory

Sam Fisher: Lasers? Lasers are so...
Anna: Nineties?
Sam Fisher: I was going to say 'Seventies'. Would you stop making me feel old?
Anna: I have bad news for you, Sam. You ARE old.

[Fisher shoots a civilian who was tortured to death]
Irving Lambert: Fisher! What the hell are you doing?
Sam Fisher: Making sure he wasn't suffering.
Irving Lambert: Well, NATO rounds in a civilian is not going to help us, Fisher. Get back to work!

Douglas Shetland: [pointing guns at one another] It doesn't have to end like this, Sam.
Sam Fisher: No, but it does have to end...
Douglas Shetland: On that we agree. We've been fighting these dirty little wars our whole lives, and where do we end up? Staring at each other down the barrels of our guns. Nothing has changed, Sam, but I won't change my degrees. We have to tear it down and start over; it's the only way.
Sam Fisher: Your own little Chaos Theory; throw the whole world into war and hope that whatever comes out the other side is better?
Douglas Shetland: It will be better because this war will change things, Sam. Every other war has been about keeping things the same, but the status quo doesn't work anymore. America is sick, Sam... she's dying, Sam; the politicians, the bureaucrats, the whispered backroom deals, it's all life support for a sick old woman who was dead a long time ago.
Sam Fisher: The only backroom deals I've seen lately have been made by you. You're a murderer and a war criminal.
Douglas Shetland: Those are the only names the state has for the revolutionaries. You only become a hero after the war is over. You know the truth; the world is built from the bottom-up, not the other way around. Honor, courage, fidelity, we don't inherit these things from the world, Sam; we build the world from them. You believe in these things more than any government, and I know because of it you wouldn't shoot and old friend
Sam Fisher: [staring over Shetland's corpse] You're right, Doug; I wouldn't shoot an old friend.

Bank Guard: Hey, Emilio, have you seen these new motion sensing lights?
Emilio: No! What do they do?
Bank Guard: When they detect movement, the light turns on!
Emilio: Dat's-dat's amazing!
Bank Guard: Like magic!

Sam Fisher: [at a Japanese tea house, Sam has grabbed a guard from behind in a choke-hold] Bad news.
Guard: Agh! I knew it! I knew there were ninjas around here!
Sam Fisher: What?
Guard: Yeah, you've gotta be a ninja. How else could you sneak up and grab me like that?
Sam Fisher: Listen, I don't know what -
Guard: Wow! A real, live, ninja! I can't believe it!
Sam Fisher: Listen, I'm going to kill you if -
Guard: *Wow*! Killed by a ninja... cool!

Captain Arthur Partridge: When was the last time I saw you?
Sam Fisher: I'm afraid I have no recollection of that, Senator.
Captain Arthur Partridge: That's right!

Anna: The Maria Narcissa.
Sam Fisher: Sounds like your setting me up for another blind date.
Anna: The Maria Narcissa is a boat.
Sam Fisher: So was the last girl you set me up with.
Anna: Fisher!
Sam Fisher: Sorry.

Sam Fisher: Lambert, now that I got 50 million bucks with me, it's time to talk about a raise.
Irving Lambert: Hmmm. 25 cents an hour and not a penny more.
Sam Fisher: Deal.

Sam Fisher: [after putting the exec. in a chokehold] Nice suit. Italian?
Displace Executive: Grrgghhh... yes! Andretti!
Sam Fisher: What?
Displace Executive: Andretti; famous designer: men's suits and tuxedos.
Sam Fisher: I'm not a tuxedo kind of guy.
Displace Executive: Grrrrgghhhh...are you a spy?
Sam Fisher: Yeah, the real kind, not the tuxedo kind. I'm the kind that makes you bleed all over your Andretti unless you give me information!
Displace Executive: Oh, God!

Admiral Toshiro Otomo: American! What have you done?
Sam Fisher: Give it up, Admiral, it's over.
Admiral Toshiro Otomo: Ha! Do you think that I will surrender to you? Allow your people to strip me of my dignity? Throw me in chains? No, my people have endured your *charming* oppression for more than sixty years!
Sam Fisher: You say tomato...
Admiral Toshiro Otomo: Americans; always turning to their jokes when their hearts are full of fear. You should be afraid; I may be defeated, but I am a man whose ideas and beliefs are stronger than most. You have stopped this war, American, but the dragon has been awakened, and he will not be so easily sedated this time.
[Otomo unsheathes a sword and attempts to commit Sepuku]
Irving Lambert: [over Fisher's radio] What happened?
Sam Fisher: I think someone is taking himself a little too seriously.
Irving Lambert: Well, we can't afford to let him die, Fisher. Get in there and stablize him. Hurry!

Sam Fisher: [interrogating the base commander] It's a game of position, colonel and you've already lost. Do you need to condemn 50,000 men, as well?
North Korean Colonel: They're not my men, they're your men, American.
Sam Fisher: They're not my men, Colonel, they're just men, sons, husbands and fathers like you and me. Do they need to die for our mistakes?

Guard: [after being taken captive by Sam at the ISDF Building] Who are you?
Sam Fisher: I'm the good guy here to save your world
Guard: I thought I was the good guy

Sam Fisher: No, no you're the side with the super secret underground base and I'm the guy who's trying to break in to the base which makes me the good guy.
Guard: [after being taken captive by Sam on the roof of the Displace office] Hey who are you?
Sam Fisher: Pretend I'm Harry Tubman
Guard: Who?
Sam Fisher: I'm an ill-tempered, heavily-armed heating engineer asking about your ventilation system.
Guard: I guess, I guess it's not working properly since the blackout
Sam Fisher: So it shouldn't take much to shut down that big fan if i wanted to.
Guard: I, I don't know why would you want to do that?
Sam Fisher: The adventure, the travel.
Guard: ...Okay

William Redding: [informing Sam of the real identity of a person] The Bosnian Barber!
Sam Fisher: I already have a barber but I think he's Italian, you know, the place right beside the donut shop.

Anna: The missile is closing in fast on the U.S.S. Ronald Reagan.
Sam Fisher: Wait a minute... did you just say I have to win one for the Gipper?
Anna: Dude, what does that even mean?
Sam Fisher: Never mind. You're right Grim; I am old.

Sam Fisher: [taking a Peruvian guard captive] You look important.
Guard: I am loyal you will get nothing from me.
Sam Fisher: Is that so? Hmm. It looks like you forgot to shave this morning, here let me help.
[starts sliding his knife]
Guard: Hey, what are you doing? OK. OK. What do you want to know?