Time it was Said !

This Pastor Has Guts:.....and may the Good Lord Bless his
ministries.

It seems prayer still upsets some people. Please read....

When Minister Joe Wright was asked to open
the new session of the Kansas Senate, everyone was expecting
the usual generalities, but this is what they heard;

'Heavenly Father'

We come before you today to ask for your forgiveness and
to seek your direction and guidance.

We know Your Word says, 'Woe to those who call evil good'

But

that is exactly what we have done. We have lost our
spiritual equilibrium and reversed our values.

We have exploited the poor And called it the lottery.

We have rewarded laziness And called it welfare.

We have killed our unborn and called it choice.

We have shot abortionists and called it justifiable.

We have neglected to discipline our children
And called it building self esteem.

We have abused power And called it politics.

We have coveted our neighbor's Possessions
and called it ambition.

We have polluted the air with profanity and Pornography
and called it Freedom of speech and expression.

We have ridiculed the time Honored values of our Forefathers
and called it enlightenment.

Search us, Oh,
God,

And know our hearts today;

Cleanse us from every sin

And set us free.

Amen!'

The response was immediate.

A number of legislators walked out during the prayer in protest.

In 6 short weeks, Central Christian Church, where Rev. Wright is pastor,
logged more than 5,000 phone calls with only 47 of those calls
responding negatively.

The church is now receiving international requests
for copies of this prayer from India, Africa and Korea and many

other countries of the world both free and opressed.

Commentator Paul Harvey aired this prayer on his radio Program, 'The
Rest of the Story,' and received a larger response to this program than
any other he has ever aired.

With the Lord's help, may this prayer sweep over our Nation
and wholeheartedly become our desire so that we again can be called

'One Nation Under God.'

If possible, please pass this prayer on to your friends
'if you don't stand for something, you will fall for anything.'

Think about this:

If you forward this prayer to everyone on your e-mail list,
in less than 30 days it would be heard by the world.

How many people in your address book will not receive this prayer.....
do you have the guts to pass it on?

I just did!

It is OK if some folks get it twice ...they probably need it !

ZOMBIE KITTY!

EL móvil

Un grupo de hombres están dentro de una sauna de un club cuando
un móvil suena. Uno de los hombres lo coge y contesta:

- Sí?
- Cariño, eres tú? Es que se oye fatal.

- Hola.
- Estás en la sauna?
- Sí
- Es que estoy enfrente de un escaparate de una tienda, viendo
un abrigo de piel precioso. Puedo comprarlo?
- Cuanto vale?
- Pues 300.000 pesetas.
- Vale, y cómprate un bolso a juego, amor mío.
- Es que ..., bueno, resulta que he pasado por el concesionario
de coches y pensaba que igual era ya el momento de cambiar el
nuestro, así que entré y pregunté y no sabes qué? Pues resulta
que el BMW está en oferta y hay uno monísimo, que me ha gustado
mucho.
- Cuanto vale el coche con la oferta?
- Sólo 6 kilos, pero es que el coche es fantástico.
- Bueeeeeno, cómpralo y pide los accesorios, eh? Si sube un
poquitín más, como situación excepcional no me enfadaré

La mujer viendo que hoy todos sus pedidos 'colaban' decidió
arriesgarse.

- Cariño, recuerdas que mamá quería venir a vivir con nosotros?
te parece que la invite por un mes, como a prueba, y el mes que
viene lo volvemos a hablar?
- Bueeeeeeeeno, pero no pidas nada más, eh?.
- Si, si está bien. Ah, y... te quiero mucho!!
- Yo también te quiero, un besito y te dejo.

Al colgar el teléfono, el hombre se gira al grupo y pregunta:

- ¨¿De quién es este móvil?

Funny Quotations About France

"France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. Apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country. France has usually been governed by prostitutes." —Mark Twain

"I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me." —General George S. Patton

"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion." —Norman Schwartzkopf

"We can stand here like the French, or we can do something about it." —Marge Simpson

"As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure." —Jacques Chirac, President of France

"As far as France is concerned, you're right." —Rush Limbaugh

"The only time France wants us to go to war is when the German Army is sitting in Paris sipping coffee." —Regis Philbin

"The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore. True, you can sit outside in Paris and drink little cups of coffee, but why this is more stylish than sitting inside and drinking large glasses of whiskey I don't know." —P.J O'Rourke (1989)

"You know, the French remind me a little bit of an aging actress of the 1940s who was still trying to dine out on her looks but doesn't have the face for it." —John McCain, U.S. Senator from Arizona

"They've taken their own precautions against Al Qaeda. To prepare for an attack, each Frenchman is urged to keep duct tape, a white flag, and a three-day supply of mistresses in the house." —Argus Hamilton

"The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found truffles in Iraq." —Dennis Miller

"I would call the French scumbags, but that, of course, would be a disservice to bags filled with scum. I say we invade Iraq, then invade Chirac." —Dennis Miller

"You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam Hussein? Because he hates America, he loves mistresses and wears a beret. He IS French, people." —Conan O'Brien

"I don't know why people are surprised that France won't help us get Saddam out of Iraq. After all, France wouldn't help us get the Germans out of France!" —Jay Leno

"The last time the French asked for 'more proof,' it came marching into Paris under a German flag." —David Letterman

How many Frenchmen does it take to change a light bulb?
One. He holds the bulb and all of Europe revolves around him.

An old saying: Raise your right hand if you like the French.... Raise both hands if you are French.

Next time there's a war in Europe, the loser has to keep France.

Las costumbres sexuales de los europeos.

Un barco se hunde y los supervivientes quedan en una isla desierta.

En el barco viajaban:

a) 2 italianos y 1 italiana
b) 2 franceses y 1 francesa
c) 2 alemanes y 1 alemana
d) 2 griegos y 1 griega.
e) 2 ingleses y 1 inglesa.
f) 2 búlgaros y 1 búlgara.
g) 2 suecos y 1 sueca.
h) 2 irlandeses y 1 irlandesa.
i) 2 argentinos y 1 argentina.
j) 2 catalanes y 1 catalana.
k) 2 andaluces y 1 andaluza.
l) 2 vascos y 1 vasca.

Un mes después en esa bonita y desierta isla, la situación era.....

a) Uno de los italianos mató al otro por la mujer

b) Los dos franceses y la francesa viven juntos y felices en un 'menage a trois'.

c) Los dos alemanes llevan un estricto horario en el que se alternan para estar con la alemana.

d) Los dos griegos duermen juntos y la griega limpia y cocina para ellos.

e) Los dos ingleses esperan que alguien les presente a la inglesa.

f) Los dos búlgaros miraron primero al océano infinito, luego a la búlgara y entonces se echaron a nadar.

g) Los dos suecos contemplan la posibilidad del suicidio mientras la sueca les da la tabarra con lo de que su cuerpo es suyo y la verdadera naturaleza del feminismo. Al menos no nieva y los impuestos son reducidos.

h) Los irlandeses comenzaron dividiendo la isla en Región Norte y Región Sur e instalaron una destilería. Ellos no recuerdan si hay sexo a la vista, porque desde que se produjeron los primeros litros de whisky de coco hay una especie de neblina flotando que lo tapa todo, pero por lo menos saben que los ingleses no están teniendo ningún tipo de actividad sexual.

i) Después de un tiempo, se encontró a la argentina muy aburrida en un rincón de la isla, limpiándose las uñas con una ramita. Resulta que los argentinos ya no le dan bola, y pasan todo el día hablando de fútbol y de lo estupendos que son haciendo el amor.

j) El hecho diferencial de los catalanes consistió en alquilar la catalana a los suecos, y usar ese dinero para financiar a los irlandeses la construcción de una planta de destilación en su parcela de la isla, donde ellos trabajan a cambio de que las botellas de whisky de coco estén etiquetadas también en catalán. No follan, pero ahorran una barbaridad en condones.

k) Los andaluces se turnan para quedarse una de cada dos noches con la andaluza e irse la otra de copas con los irlandeses y poner a parir a los ingleses, italianos, franceses, alemanes y por supuesto, (y sobre todo), a los catalanes. Han conseguido que los irlandeses pasen de los catalanes y destilen una variedad de 'fino de coco'. De inmediato se han montado un calendario de fiestas de la hostia en su isla: que si feria de abril, que si Semana Santa, que si carnavales, que si romerías, que si día de Andalucía en el Exilio,...a las que se apuntan todos los demás.

l) Los vascos se dedican a cortar los troncos de coco, levantar piedras, boicotear a los andaluces y en el terreno sexual, a cascarse pajas: ya sabéis, ante todo independencia.

take-off

Mutant Rhyme

A is for Angel, who soars with the birds.
B is for Beast, who uses very big words.
C is for Cypher, shot in a fight.
D is for Dust, who wears her burqa too tight.
E is for Empath, not a giver; a taker.
F is for Forge also known as the Maker.
G is for Gambit, whose accent perplexes.
H is for Havok and his many complexes.
I is for Iceman who loves absolute zero.
J is for Juggernaut who’s playing at hero.
K is for Karma, the niece of a crime lord.
L is for Lila, once queen of the rock chord.
M is for Magneto, who is rather intense.
N is for Nightcrawler who has a tail and can fence.
O is for Onslaught, a sorry occasion.
P is for Psylocke, once English, now Asian.
Q is for Quentin, one of Xavier’s ex-pupils.
R is for Roulette, a Hellion without scruples.
S is for Strong Guy who is strong…and a guy.
T is for Thunderbird, the first one to die.
U is for Unus, who is strongly protected.
V is for Vulcan, a brother neglected.
W is for Wolfsbane, who’s been let off her leash.
X is for X-23, just another pastiche.
Y is for Yukio, one of Claremont’s inventions.
Z is for Zaladane, with evil intentions.

Do you have one?

funny quotes and cute funny sayings

1. I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good, either.

2. I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.

3. I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.

4. Someday we'll look back on all this and plow into a parked car.

5. There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved by a suitable application of high explosives.

6. Tell me what you need and I'll tell you how to get along without it.

7. Accept that some days you're the pigeon and some days you're the statue.

8. Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing him again.

9. I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.

10. Last night, I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and thought to myself, "Where the heck is the ceiling?"

11. My Reality Check bounced.

12. On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the Escape key.

13. I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier.

14. You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.

15. Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons because, to them, you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.

16. Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.

17. Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level.

18. Am I getting smart with you? How would you know?

Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

Do you have trouble making up your mind? Well, yes or no?

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

You know the speed of light, so what's the speed of dark?

Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them.

I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.

Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more.(Friend or Money !)

Death is hereditary.

There are three sides to any argument: your side, my side and the right side.

An consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.

Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.

When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.

Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.

Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.

They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.

If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.

Where there's a will, there are five hundred relatives.

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

If it were not for Thomas Edison, we would all be watching television in the dark.

It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose.

Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.

Mothers of teens know why some animals eat their young.

Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.

Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.

Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids.

I love to give homemade gifts. Which one of my kids do you want?

Children are natural mimics who act like their parents, despite every effort to teach them good manners.

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the drive before it has stopped snowing.

"There is only one pretty child in the world... and every mother has it." - Chinese Proverb.

Children will soon forget your presents. They will always remember your presence.

The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.

Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your kids.

"Who are these kids and why are they calling me Mom?"

You can fool some of the people all of the time and all of the people some of the time, but you can never fool mom.

A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school clothes.

Anyone who says "Easy as taking candy from a baby" has never tried it.

The best inheritance parents can give their children is a few minutes of their time each day.

Penguin Gets Promotion

Nils Olav received a promotion on Wednesday to Colonel in Chief of the Royal Norwegian Guard. Yes, this high rank in the Norwegian military has in fact been bestowed on a penguin.

In 1962 young lieutenant in the Royal Norwegian Guard Niels Egelien visited Edinburgh Zoo and was quite taken with the penguins. On a return visit in 1972, he arranged for his regiment to sponsor a king penguin which they adopted and awarded the rank of Lance Corporal. The name was chosen on behalf of the lieutenant who first got excited about the penguins and the then king of Norway, King Olav. Since then, every time the soldiers have come to visit, Nils Olav has received a promotion.

According to Scotland Today:

Major Nils Egelien from the Norwegian Royal Guard Association said: “Colonel in chief because all the reports speak about his very, very good behaviour, and the service in this garden.” … Nils Olav is now back in with the rest of the troops. It is not known when this elite fighting force will be deployed again, but when they are, it is fair to say that the best possible penguin is in charge.

Curiosidades

- Los repelentes de mosquitos no repelen. Te ocultan. El spray bloquea los sensores del mosquito, por lo tanto ellos no saben que estas ahí.

- Los dentistas recomiendan que el cepillo de dientes debe estar al menos 1.80 m. alejado del
inodoro para evitar las partículas en el aire resultante de tirar la cadena.

- El líquido dentro de los cocos aún verdes puede ser usado como sustituto del plasma de la sangre.

- Ningún pedazo de papel puede ser plegado a la mitad más de 7 veces. Inténtalo.

- Los burros matan más gente anualmente que los accidentes aéreos. Averigua.

- Quemas más calorías durmiendo que mirando la televisión.

- El roble no produce bellotas hasta que tiene 50 años o más.

- El rey (K) de corazones es el único rey sin bigotes.

- La distancia de alas del Boeing 747 Jumbo es más larga que el vuelo del primer avión de los
hermanos Wright.

- American Airlines ahorró $40,000 en 1987 eliminando 1 aceituna de las ensaladas servidas en
primera clase.

- Venus es el único planeta que gira en sentido horario.

- Las manzanas, no la cafeína, son más eficientes para despertarte en la mañana.

- La mayoría de las partículas de polvo en tu casa provienen de la piel muerta.

- El primer dueño de Marlboro murió de cáncer al pulmón.

- Michael Jordan gana más pasta con Nike que todos los obreros de Nike en Malasia juntos.

- Marilyn Monroe tenía 6 dedos en los pies.

- Todos los presidentes de EEUU usaron gafas. A algunos no les gustaba ser vistos en público con ellas.

- Walt Disney tenía miedo a los ratones

- Las perlas se disuelven en vinagre.

- Los 3 nombres de marcas más valiosas en la Tierra son: Marlboro, Coca-Cola y Budweiser,
en ese orden.

- Es posible hacer subir una vaca por las escaleras, pero no bajarla.

- El graznido (cuac) de un pato no produce eco, nadie sabe por qué.

- Richard Millhouse Nixon fue el 1er presidente de EEUU cuyo nombre contiene todas las letras
de la palabra "criminal". El segundo fue William Jefferson Clinton.

- Las tortugas pueden respirar a través de sus colas.

- Las mariposas sienten el gusto con los pies.

- En 10 minutos, un huracán lanza más energía que todas las armas nucleares juntas.

- En promedio, 100 personas mueren ahogados al año con bolígrafos.

- La gente le teme a las arañas más de lo que ellas matan.

- 90% de los taxistas de New York City son inmigrantes recién llegados.

- Los elefantes son los únicos animales que no pueden saltar.

- Sólo 1 persona en 2 mil millones vivirá más de 116 años.

- Las mujeres parpadean casi 2 veces más que los hombres.

- Es físicamente imposible lamerse el propio codo.

- La Librería Principal de la Universidad de Indiana se hunde más de 2 cm por año porque los
ingenieros olvidaron incluir el peso de los libros en sus calculos.

- Un caracol puede dormir por 3 años.

- Ninguna palabra rima con indio.

- Nuestros ojos tienen siempre el mismo tamaño desde el nacimiento, pero la nariz y las orejas
nunca paran de crecer.

- La silla eléctrica fue inventada por un dentista.

- Todos los osos polares son zurdos.

- En el Antiguo Egipto, los sacerdotes se arrancaban cada pelo de su cuerpo, incluso cejas y pestañas.

- El ojo del avestruz es más grande que su cerebro.

- "Ve," es la oración completa más corta que puede escribirse.

- Si Barbie fuera tamaño real, sus medidas serían 99-60-84. Mediría 2.15m. Su nombre completo es Barbara Millicent Roberts.

- El cocodrilo no puede sacar la lengua fuera.

- El encendedor se inventó antes que los fósforos.

- Los estadounidenses comen un promedio de 7.5 hectáreas de pizza por día.

- Casi todos los que leyeron este mail trataron de lamerse el codo.

Time for my prayers

Our Father, who 0wnz heaven, j00 r0ck!
May all 0ur base someday be belong to you!
May j00 0wn earth just like j00 0wn heaven.
Give us this day our warez, mp3z, and pr0n through a phat pipe.
And cut us some slack when we act like n00b lamerz, just as we teach n00bz when they act lame on us.
Please don't give us root access on some poor d00d'z box when we're too pissed off to think about what's right and wrong, and if you could keep the FBI off our backs, we'd appreciate it.
For j00 0wn r00t on all our b0x3s 4ever and ever, 4m3n.

Robocop on security

Revealed: The seven great "medical myths"

LONDON (Reuters) - Reading in dim light won't damage your eyes, you don't need eight glasses of water a day to stay healthy and shaving your legs won't make the hair grow back faster.

These well-worn theories are among seven "medical myths" exposed in a paper published Friday in the British Medical Journal, which traditionally carries light-hearted features in its Christmas edition. Two U.S. researchers took seven common beliefs and searched the archives for evidence to support them.

Despite frequent mentions in the popular press of the need to drink eight glasses of water, they found no scientific basis for the claim.

The complete lack of evidence has been recorded in a study published the American Journal of Psychology, they said.

The other six "myths" are:

* Reading in dim light ruins your eyesight

The majority of eye experts believe it is unlikely to do any permanent damage, but it may make you squint, blink more and have trouble focusing, the researchers said.

* Shaving makes hair grow back faster or coarser

It has no effect on the thickness or rate of hair regrowth, studies say. But stubble lacks the finer taper of unshaven hair, giving the impression of coarseness.

* Eating turkey makes you drowsy

It does contain an amino acid called tryptophan that is involved in sleep and mood control. But turkey has no more of the acid than chicken or minced beef. Eating lots of food and drink at Christmas are probably the real cause of sleepiness.

* We use only 10 percent of our brains

This myth arose as early as 1907 but imaging shows no area of the brain is silent or completely inactive.

* Hair and fingernails continue to grow after death

This idea may stem from ghoulish novels. The researchers said the skin dries out and retracts after death, giving the appearance of longer hair or nails.

* Mobile phones are dangerous in hospitals

Despite widespread concerns, studies have found minimal interference with medical equipment.

The research was conducted by Aaron Carroll, an assistant professor of pediatrics at the Regenstrief Institute, Indianapolis, and Rachel Vreeman, fellow in children's health services research at Indiana University School of Medicine.

Yoroshiku onegaishimasu

Yoroshiku onegaishimasu is the king of all Japanese words. Having many meanings from Nice to meet you, please do this favour for me or please don’t kill me. It has incredible power. Especially when talking with Japanese colleagues.

For example, “Please could you fill out this form for me [deep breath] yoroshiku onegaishimasu.” A little switch goes on in their head. Their pupils contract and they have one purpose in life from that moment on. To fulfill your request as soon as they can before they die.

I’ve only tried it out with small requests - Could you find me some rubber bands? Please help me with the freak student in the fifth grade. It had instant results. But it needs testing with some more powerful requests:

I don’t have to come into work today do I yoroshiku onegaishimasu?

Give me ALL your money [deep breath] yoroshiku onegaishimasu!

Kill him NOW yoroshiku onegaishimasu!

Try it yourself. Find a Japanese and ask them a request. You don’t even have to know them. And take over the (Japanese) world.